#So I am just kinda... existing.. until stuff opens n I can hopefully see a doctor about it or something:)

[insufferablemod]

.

[joonie-beanie]

The Demon Brothers + comforting a self-conscious MC/Reader

So a while ago an anon sent me the below ask

And I kind of adored the idea, considering I am also insecure, and chubby, and in need of some demon bro comfort. Hence, here we are.

Rather than bullet point, I ended up writing short stories for each brother. Hopefully you still enjoy 💕

Lucifer:

The eldest brother is not unaware of the way your eyes stray when the two of you are in public together—your gaze raking over the other inhabitants of the Devildom as you traverse the busy streets.

At first, he assumes the array of creatures—some far less human-like than he and his brothers—are interesting to you. Then, he notices the way you begin hugging yourself with your arms. As if trying to hide yourself away from any prying eyes.

It is indeed out of place for a human to be seen in the Devildom, and you do get some stares, but...he has a suspicion that the sudden shyness you exhibit stems from feelings that reach beyond what strangers may think of you.

He doesn’t like seeing you in such a state.

“Y/N,” he addresses you after tugging you into a small, scarcely populated side alley. One of his gloved fingers curls beneath your chin, and he guides your hung head to look at him. “I can tell you’re upset. Explain to me why.”

You glance away from him, cheeks heating up, and your arms hugging your sides a bit tighter.

“I just...you, and your brothers are all so beautiful,” you start by saying, causing him to blink in surprise. “And...whenever we’re out like this, and I see all of the other demons living here, I can’t help but feel like I pale in comparison...”

Lucifer’s features soften as he stares at you. You’re worried about such a silly thing?

“Y/N.” He steps forward, his thumb moving to hold your chin. He tilts your head up, guiding you into a kiss. It’s soft, and loving, and immediately your fingers are twitching against your sides—itching to reach out and hold him.

“You are perfect as you are, and I have never thought otherwise.”

He kisses you again, his free arm moving to curl around your waist and tug you closer. You feel your heart aching in your chest.

“Lucifer—”

“You need not compare yourself to others, because there is no one else like you—and you are radiant in every sense of the word. I give you my word as the Avatar of Pride that what I speak is the absolute truth.”

His voice is quiet, and tender, and full of adoration. You feel like crying.

“I love you,” you whisper the words against him, voice a little broken, and Lucifer smiles before kissing you again. He will try his best from now on to help you feel a little more comfortable in your own skin.

Mammon:

The second brother invites you to Majolish to watch one of his fashion shoots, and you agree despite knowing how self conscious it will make you, because you know it will make him happy.

So, you find yourself standing in the back of the studio, watching Mammon on the temporary set—which is composed of an oversized mattress, and colorful pillows. He’s wearing slacks, and a button up that’s not buttoned at all—revealing his toned body. Since it’s a group shoot, he’s surrounded by equally enticing male and female demons. And while the sight should get you going, considering they’re all so attractive, it just makes you feel...bad.

Biting your lip, a sick feeling rising in your chest, you end up stepping out into the hall. Mammon finds you there soon after, a look of relief on his face when he spots you with your back against the wall—arms hugged together.

“There ya are! I thought you had left!” He runs up to greet you, but his smile wavers. He can tell you’re upset—gaze straying away from him. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He reaches out, hands hovering nervously. Had he done something? “I...if I did something wrong you can tell me...I didn’t mean to upset ya—”

“No, it’s not you,” you mumble, cutting him off. Now he’s even more confused. “I guess...I got upset seeing you and all the models. I know I don’t look anywhere near as attractive, and that thought started to gnaw at me, so—”

“What are ya talking about?” he interrupts you, head cocked to the side curiously. “I think you’re hot as hell.”

You feel your cheeks heat up, surprised at his words. “What?”

“I-I mean!” suddenly he’s turning red, hand lifting to sheepishly rub at his neck. “I’ve never thought that ya weren’t attractive, ya know? Ever since you came here my heart can’t help but flutter whenever I see ya…”

Your heart aches. “Mammon…”

“Listen! I just…,” his shy gaze turns back to you, and he reaches a hand out, cupping your cheek. “I think you’re one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.”

He leans in, but hesitates for a moment, so you’re the one who ends up sealing the kiss.

“Don’t worry about that kinda crap, okay?” he whispers against you, his arms lowering to wrap around your waist—holding you tightly. “Or else The Great Mammon will have to start knocking some sense into that silly human brain of yours.”

Tears blot your eyelashes, but you can’t help but giggle.

Levi:

You love Levi dearly, but he has an Akuzon addiction that needs to be addressed.

Recently, Akuzon had apparently expanded their clothing options—stocking more cosplay-like pieces—and Levi had thrown them all into his cart without second thought. Now that they’ve arrived, he’s begging you to come over.

Except, he doesn’t tell you why he wants you to come to his room until you’re already there—watching as he unpacks the multiple bags worth of questionable clothing.

“Ooooo~! This one is especially cute!!” He holds up something pastel, and undeniably adorable. You don’t disagree—it is cute, but...as you stare at it, an uncomfortable feeling settles in your stomach.

Can you even pull off something like that? You’re sure Levi is hoping that you’ll look like one of the cute anime characters in his favorite shows, and you don’t want to disappoint him. 

As much as you would love to try on the clothing and model for him, you don’t believe you’ll be able to do the outfits any justice.

“Y/N?” the demon calls your name curiously, noting how you’ve gone silent. You’re no longer paying attention to him, your head hung as you stare off to the side—a perplexed look on your face.

“W-What’s wrong?” Leviathan drops the clothing held in his grap, stepping towards you. He knows that he can get a little overly excited about this stuff, but you’re typically tolerant of it…

“I don’t know if I’m the right person to model for you,” you end up saying, voice quiet. An array of negative feelings are swirling in your head, making it hard for you to say what you want to without vomiting all your worries at him.

“I’m not...built the same as an anime character, or the cute 2-D people in your video games. The clothing won’t look the same on me, and I don’t want to ruin the images you probably have in your head.”

“Y/N—,” he cuts you off, his hand grabbing your own. He lifts your hand until your fingers are splayed against his chest. You can feel the rapid beat of his heart beneath your palm.

When you glance up, his face is flushed.

“I...this is how I get every time I’m around you,” he tells you honestly. “Whether you’re in your RAD outfit, or pajamas, or just a t-shirt and jeans...I...m-my heart always beats l-like this.”

He looks like he’s about to phase out of existence—embarrassed beyond belief with everything he’s currently confessing to you—so you instinctively reach your free hand up and cup his cheek. He leans into your touch, cheeks aflame. 

“I think you’re so cute,” he mumbles, amber eyes staring right at you. “You don’t have to look like Ruri-chan, or anyone else. I...I like you. So, please don’t think those things about yourself...”

“Levi…” There’s adoration in his gaze, and you can’t help but kiss him. 

Beneath your palm, you feel his heart skip a beat. 

Satan: 

The Avatar of Wrath has recently become accustomed to inviting you out on little coffee dates. It’s a chance for both you and him to escape his brothers, and have a space to yourselves where you’ll be able to talk freely.

The cafe the two of you frequent is dark, and cozy, and right up Satan’s alley. So far, all of your experiences there have been pleasant. 

Today, however, the stunningly attractive barista is throwing herself at Satan as he orders your drinks, and a familiar uncomfortable feeling begins rising in your throat.

Just great. 

Chin resting in your palm, you watch the two interact—Satan maintaining his pleasant composure, even when she presses her arms beneath her chest and asks if he wants any company. You see him shake his head, and you assume he mentions that he’s already here with someone, considering the barista’s gaze strays to you. She looks you up and down, an unkind amusement swimming in her eyes, before she turns back to Satan.

...wow. 

You face yourself away, feeling bitter, and anxious as you wait for the fourth brother to return to your side. That assuming he does. You wouldn’t blame him for running off with the Barista—

“Y/N,” two hands reach out and cup your cheeks, guiding your head to the side. You manage to note that Satan is now crouched beside your chair—barista abandoned—before his lips connect with yours.

“I love you. You’re absolutely stunning.”

“Wha—,” you flush red as he pulls back, shocked at his actions. Satan usually isn’t so open about his affections in public. “You...how did you—?”

“I was watching the barista when she glanced past me. The rude, yet satisfied look on her face was telling enough,” he says, a bit of anger slipping into his tone. However, it’s quick to melt away when his gaze refocuses on your blushing cheeks. 

“Just so you know, I think you’re beautiful. I’ve always thought so.” He presses back to his feet, the tips of his ears turning red. “So...don’t mind what others say, and be kind to yourself, okay?”

At a loss for words, you reach your arms out and hug him around the middle. He blinks in surprise, but a chuckle leaves his lips—his hand petting against your hair.

“Do I need to start telling you how much I adore you every day?”

“I might die,” you mumble into his shirt, and he feels his heart ache. He’ll be sure to start expressing his affections for you more often. He doesn’t want you feeling down about the way you look, because he has never given it a second thought. 

In his eyes, you’ve always been perfect.

Asmo:

Asmo is unfortunately stellar at reading your body language. So on the days where your self-confidence and self-image aren’t best, he’s right there, trying to subtly raise your spirits.

Today, when he notices you picking at your food during breakfast, a frown on your face, he knows it’s going to be one of those days. And he doesn’t like seeing you upset. 

So, he invites you to come to his room for a nice, relaxing spa day.

You agree, although it takes a little bit of convincing on his end. 

Soon enough, you find yourself standing in front of Asmo’s outrageously large tub. He’d prepared a milk bath for you—the white, swirling liquid thick, and heavenly smelling. You’re a little nervous to disrobe and sink inside—especially considering your current mental state—but...you end up doing it anyway.

Once you’re shoulder deep into the tub, Asmo knocks on the door, making you jump.

“Are you up for getting a scalp massage?” he questions, peeking his head in. There’s a kind smile on his face. “I’d love to give you one.”

It takes you a moment to answer—your gaze lowering to look at yourself. It’d be impossible for him to see you beneath the milk, so that helps you feel a bit better…

“Okay,” you say, and Asmo is quick to skip inside. He rolls up his pants to his knees, his calves dipping into the bath on either side of your shoulders. A moment later, you feel his fingers rub through your hair, and you can’t help but sigh.

“Feel good?” he questions, and you hum in acknowledgement. Silence falls for a short while—Asmo simply focusing on easing the tension from your body—but he can’t let his thoughts go unheard.

“You know,” he starts by saying. “I don’t understand why you’re so hard on yourself. I think you’re positively stunning.”

“Asmo…”

“No, I really mean it!” he pouts, getting the feeling that you think he’s just saying that to try and make you feel better. “You’re cute, and scrumptious just the way you are! And I’ve always thought so—since the moment I laid my eyes on you when you were summoned by Lord Diavolo for the exchange program. 

“So just...take my word for it, please, and let me be the positive voice in your life when your silly brain is making you think otherwise.”

He leans down, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, and his hands move to gently hold your cheeks. After a moment, you reach up and place your hands on his own. Your chest aches at his words, conflicted, but more than anything, you feel grateful.

“Thank you, Asmo.”

“Anytime, darling. I’ll always be more than happy to shower you with the love, praise, and affection that you rightfully deserve.”

Beel: 

Beel loves inviting you to the gym with him, because when he’s done working out, he’s starving, which means it’s a good excuse to go out and have a meal with you.

Most days, sitting on the sidelines at the gym, or hopping on the treadmill and getting a good walk in doesn’t really bother you. Especially because you get to watch Beel as he exercises.

Today, however, you’re feeling entirely too self conscious as you sit on the empty bench press beside the Avatar of Gluttony—watching the way his arms flex as he lifts the heavy weights.

You know that the gym is typically an accepting place—an area where people (or in this case, demons) of any shape and size can come to work out—but you just feel like you don’t belong. Not accompanying Beel, at the very least.

He basically looks like he was handcrafted by god himself (and very well may have been)—his face handsome, and body toned in all of the right places. And here you are, unable to compare to him.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

His voice reaches your ears, and you look up to find him staring at you in concern. You can only guess that you’d had a pretty sour look on your face while you’d been lost in your thoughts.

“It’s...it’s nothing, Beel.” You force a smile, not wanting to burden him with your current emotions. He frowns, regarding you for a moment, before he lets it go.

“Okay, I’m gonna change, and then we’ll go eat.”

“Alright,” you respond, immediately pressing to your feet. You head for the door without saying anything, intending to wait for him outside per usual. 

A few minutes later, Beel exits the gym to find you sitting on a bench nearby. Your leg is bouncing anxiously, gaze zoned on the concrete at your feet.

“What’s wrong?” he questions again, taking a seat beside you. His tone indicates that he won’t be accepting “nothing” for an answer this time. 

You knot your hands together in your lap. “I just...do you ever get embarrassed? Bringing me to the gym with you?”

He blinks. “Embarrassed? Why would I?”

“I don’t know, because I’m...not...up to par with a lot of the demons in there? Or, because you look like that, and I look like this, and—”

“I’m lost,” he cuts you off, looking confused. “Are you saying I should be embarrassed because I’m bringing a cute human with me to the gym? Maybe it is a little weird, considering this is the Devildom, but—”

“No, not just because I’m human. I meant—”

This time, he silences you with a kiss. His large hands cup your cheeks, holding you tenderly.

“I know what you meant, Y/N, but I disagree,” he tells you, uncharacteristically serious as he sits back. Then, a bashful smile spreads on his face. “I actually think you’re really adorable. Anytime I look at you I think of my favorite food. I love you just how you are, and will never feel embarrassed having you at my side. So, you should remember that from now on, okay?”

He reaches over and slots your hands together, tugging you to your feet.

“Now, let’s go get some ice cream.”

Belphie:

Both you and Belphie are aware that one of Belphie’s favorite activities is napping with you. Particularly, with his hands wrapped around you, and his face pressed between your shoulder blades.

Recently, you’ve been passing on all of his invitations to share a nap.

And he’s seriously starting to go crazy.

Had he done something to upset you? You always seem normal whenever you’re talking with him and his brothers, but when he sends a text asking you to come over and nap, you’re either busy, or just don’t feel like it.

Today, he decides to try and bring the nap to you.

He waltzes into your room mid-afternoon—pillows and blankets tucked beneath his arms. Without waiting for a response, he makes his way to your bed and sets everything up, making a perfect little fort for the two of you to nap in.

Once it’s set up, he crawls his way inside and then rolls over, turning to face you. 

You’re stood at the edge of the bed, arm awkwardly held in your grasp. You don’t move to join him. Belphie sighs.

“Did I do something wrong?” he finally asks, wanting to resolve the issue if he has. He can’t take this anymore.

“What? No, it’s not you,” you tell him, surprised to hear his question. The demon blinks at you, now even more confused. If he’s not the reason you’ve been avoiding napping with him, then what is?

He fixes you with a curious stare—letting you know that he won’t be leaving until you tell him the truth—and you sigh. 

“I just...haven’t been feeling too good about myself lately,” you admit to him, eyes glancing off to the side. “And because of that, I started thinking about you holding me when we nap, and ended up getting self conscious, wondering if I felt weird in your arms, or if—”

Before you get the chance to continue, Belphegor is grabbing your wrist—tugging you down against the mattress. With your back facing him, he’s quick to scoot up behind you, his arms wrapping around your midsection like normal.

“I never have cared about looks, or any of that stuff,” he mumbles, giving you a squeeze. “You fit perfectly in my arms, and always will, so don’t overthink it.”

“Belphie…”

“I love you for you, okay? I think you’re cute, and all that jazz. Now don’t make me say it again…”

Sounding embarrassed, Belphegor presses a kiss to the back of your head. You place your arms atop his own, smiling softly.

“Thank you.”

And for the first time in weeks, you fall asleep in his arms.

[seungkwan-s]

second chances | thirteen

previous | next

pairing; lee heeseung x female reader, ft second lead jay park x female reader

warnings; one mention of blood from a papercut

genre; a little angst, some comedy and fluff

word count; 1.5k

taglist; @staysstrays @iminchaosnow @preciousdeerchild @fylithia @wooyoung-a @katyasrussianaccent @geminirules @lix-freckle3 @bluejayjay @blossomnct @shrutiajit @itsyaapollochild @witheeseung @seungstarss @meiinumaki @dreamyeyes26 @punneysushi01 @gtfovi @hrrhmay @soobnny @zhaixiaowen @leagreenly @grassbutneo @aurumness @minkyunheewon @milkycloudtyg @youreverydayzebra @liliansun @itsamemarioo (can’t tag)

a/n: yo this is the moment everyone has been waiting for. this was way longer than i intended it to be. i'll have the texts and stuff back in the next chapters ♡

as you step back into the cafe, the warm air and the smell of a freshly made cup of coffee hits you. you sigh, catching the attention of ryujin who's leaning against the coffee machine picking at her fingernails.

"y/n, are you okay. what happened?" you put your face into your hands, taking a deep breath and before you can say anything, the door opens and in walks heeseung, jake and sunghoon—the three boys soaked from the rain.

"do none of you own an umbrella?" sunoo blurts out, "i literally have two with me, do you want one?"

you see jake shaking his head, and mouthing a "no, thank you" to sunoo.

your mind is clouded with thoughts of the conversation you shared with jay earlier, was this related to that day when he asked you how you'd feel if you two were soulmates? or are you already overthinking this?

ryujin can sense something isn't right with you, she's noticed immediately that you're not your usual happy self; all smiles and laughter and you haven't greeted the boys as you normally do, in fact, you haven't even looked their way since they came in.

how are you supposed to start things over with heeseung? do you hold off for now until jay gets over you or do you just focus on working things out with heeseung and leave jay to sort things out himself? no matter what option you go for, you're going to hurt someone...

"y/n, what's going on?" ryujin puts her arms around you and leans her head on your shoulder, "i don't like seeing you sad, who am i kicking for hurting my favourite person?"

you shake your head, looking around the café before turning to her, "jay told me he's in love with me, and he reacted quite badly when i told him i didn't feel the same. and it's now put me in a position where if i start a friendship again with heeseung, it's gonna hurt jay. but if i hold off on things for now, i'm gonna hurt heeseung and i don't want to hurt anyone, and i feel like whatever option i choose, i'm gonna be made out to be the bad guy,"

"i'm sorry, y/n but you can't help how you feel. if you don't feel anything for jay, you can't force yourself to feel feelings plus the fact—and i really hate to say it, but non-soulmate relationships aren't destined to work out. they always fail, you read so much about them on the news, on social media. if you want my honest opinion, i think you should do what makes you happy. and i know there is absolutely nothing wrong with you working things out with heeseung. he is your soulmate after all. just give jay some space, he'll be okay,"

you let out a sigh of relief, you know she's right. you're only rebuilding the friendship you once had with heeseung, you're not just going to jump into a relationship, these things take time, and with time, hopefully you and jay can be friends again. you just hope he's okay...

~

a yelp from the back end of the cafe pulls you from your thoughts, "oh heeseung, you idiot, a papercut, really?"

"oh calm down, jake, it's just a bit of blood,"

"dude, you need a band aid, hold on—y/n! we need you," ryujin passes you the first aid box before whispering a "good luck" as you take it out of her hands. you're kinda wishing you didn't know first aid because not only do you now have to talk to heeseung, you have to touch him as well. baby steps first, you thought but no, destiny wants to throw you in the deep end.

you slide into the seat next to heeseung and place the first aid box on the table in front of you, "who's injured themselves now, hm?"

"your soulmate is an idiot, y/n, who cuts themselves on paper?"

"you'd be surprised at how many papercuts i've had to tend to in here, jake, especially with how thick people's books are and the amount of studying that goes on in here. they're the smallest of cuts and can hurt a lot but it's nothing serious," you pull out one of the alcohol wipe packets including the small box of band aids.

heeseung puts his hand out willingly and you're thankful you didn't need to ask, as the nerves are already creeping up on you. the last time you were this close to him was when you two were kids and it pains you a little. you really missed him...

"how did you learn first aid?" ah. you chuckle, thank god he initiated the conversation because you didn't know how the hell to.

"i took a course online, riki's always injuring himself, he's clumsy and because our mom and dad are always away working, i thought i might as well take up a skill that's going to be useful—that and cooking,"

he winces a little at the contact of the alcohol wipe and the cut on his finger, "don't be a wuss, hee," ...and there it is, the nickname you gave him when you two were kids. heeseung ignores that tiny little feeling in his stomach, he doesn't know whether it's guilt because he stopped talking to you or if he really missed the nickname you gave him. either way, he feels awful about how he's let this go on for so long.

"y/n, i'm sorry," you pause, you look down at his hand as it's now holding onto yours. the contact making you feel warm.

"it's okay, heeseung, we were kids—kids fall out over silly things, we can start over, it's fine," now you're rambling and trying to not look at him, fear you won't be able to look away.

"y/n, please, look at me," you can hear the sadness in his voice, you know he means his apology but you're not angry at him at all. if you did something to hurt him when you were kids, you owe him an apology. you raise your head and look at him, and it's a weird feeling you feel. maybe it's because the last time you looked into his eyes like this was that day you fell off your first bike and he tried to put a band aid on your knee and you were so thankful that he was there to help you.

"i'm so sorry, for ignoring you for basically most of our lives, it was over something so silly and i hate that i let this go on for so long, and i hope you can give me another chance to make things right between us. as each year passed, i just felt awful but i didn't know how to talk to you anymore, i thought you hated me. to be honest, it made it easier for me if i just pretended i didn't like you," his voice lowers to a whisper as you now hold his hand ever so gently.

"hee, i don't hate you, i never hated you, i just wondered what i did wrong. i wondered what i did that was so bad that you just pretended like i never existed. i won't lie, it hurt a lot but i- i missed you and i want us to be friends again but i need to know what i did so i can apologise,"

he lets out a sigh and runs his fingers through his hair, he's looking everywhere just not at you, "it's so stupid but do you remember when we were painting together? we were out in your garden and you were painting the sunset and i was doing a rainbow. i had it finished and you knocked over your jar of blue paint and it spilled all over my paper. i got so mad at you that i thought you did it on purpose because i told you it was a present for someone but instead of telling you the rainbow was for you, i just left you there alone, went home and that's why i stopped talking to you,"

"that's why you stopped talking to her, heeseung, oh my god, YOU GUYS WERE FIVE YEARS OLD!!??" jake snapped, slamming his hand on the table. heeseung turned to glare at him but the feeling of your fingers caressing his hand brought his attention back to you and his face softened.

"that was an accident, hee, i would never have intentionally ruined something of yours. i'm sorry i ruined your painting, and i'm sorry i made you think it was out of jealousy," you look up at him and he gives you a smile, "it's fine, i'll just paint you another one,"

"you don't need to paint me another one, hee,"

"i don't need to but i'm gonna do it anyway," he sends you a wink and you just about crumble to the floor.

~

as the clock hits 10pm and the lights go out in the cafe, you stand outside in the cold air waiting for the uber to come and pick the three of you up to take you home.

"so, y/n, how did it go with heeseung?" sunoo asks you, his arm linked with yours.

"it went really good, actually. better than i thought but i'm still nervous,"

"nerves are normal, my love, the two of you are going to be fine, just invite me to your wedding, okay?" you playfully slap ryujin, "shut up,"

[aiekerman]

Easy - Eren Jaeger

Eren Jaeger x Reader - fluff, college!au

AN - If you saw me post this before, no you didn’t. But in actuality it is a repost I just changed it to second person oops. But anyway, hopefully anyone who sees it for the second time likes it again lol. 

(A part 2 and/or prequel does exist for this in my brain if anyone was ever interested!)

Song vibes: Easy by Troye Sivan ft. Kasey Musgraves

Summary - Just a pair of friends that definitely do not like each other. But leave their rooms at midnight for each other with no hesitation, and know each other’s food orders, and are low-key affectionate with each other.  A pair of friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N: Hey :)

Eren drags his head out of his textbook as his phone goes off. Pushing stray hairs back off his forehead and out of his eyes. His tired eyes lit slightly at the sight of your name. His fingers quickly replying

Eren: Hey u

He glances at the time, 12.03 am, he frowns, worried whyyou were awake so late. Three bubbles appear on his screen as he waits for your reply to arrive.

Y/N: U up?

Eren: I’m texting u back aren’t I?

Her reply takes slightly longer this time, and his mouth crooks up at the side, picturing the eye roll you were most definitely doing.

Y/N: Shut up

You know what I mean

Eren: Yeah I’m up

Last minute studying

He pulls the phone from its charger and leans back in his chair, one foot against the desk leg and swinging back slightly. You take a little longer to reply and his eyes drift to the top of the screen where your contact picture is. His mouth betrays him again and a smile ghosts over it. 

The picture is simple. A candid of you sat proudly in front of a sandcastle you were making at the beach during spring break. Your legs splayed either side of it, covered in sand. You were smiling up at someone, probably Sasha, your hair a wavy, salty mess, blowing in the sea breeze.

Your reply finally comes, vibrating the phone in his hand and dragging him from his thoughts. He rolls his eyes at your message.

Y/N: Midnight Taco Bell run? :)

Eren: Have you been smoking?

Y/N: No I just also happen to be doing midnight work and have a craving

His fingers move to reply before another message comes through, very quickly, and he pauses.

Y/N: And I miss your dumb face

Eren: You mean my pretty face?

Y/N: I change my mind I’m asking Jean

Eren: Shut up I’m getting ready now

Y/N: :))

Eren chucks the phone over to his bed, staring at his textbook for a second. He knows he should keep studying, or better yet, go to bed. But he misses you too. He stands from the seat and shuffles around his room, quietly as possible. Armin was definitely asleep and would definitely make a dumb comment about Eren being whipped for someone he wasn’t even dating.

Eren brushes off the thought and pulls his sneakers on, swaps his gym shorts for sweatpants and scrapes his hair back into the best bun he can manage. 

After wandering out of his room he grabs his keys and wallet from by the door and shuts it over with the quietest click he can manage. 

On his walk to his car he sends one more text.

Eren: Getting in the car now

Eren: I’ll be like 10 mins

Y/N: I’ll be the cute one in pyjamas ;)

He laughs at the flirtatious message before switching on his car and driving off. 

His mind doubles back to what would be Armin’s comments on the situation. They weren’t dating, but flirting between friends was entirely normal. He shakes off feeling the need to justify his relationship with you. You were friends, best friends. That almost hooked up once. The first time you met. But now you were just friends.

Before he even realises it he’s pulling up at the kerb by your building, his eyes glancing up to the door and watching a shadowy figure emerge. His head leans back against the headrest when her form comes into the dim street lights.

You’re dressed the same as him, sweatpants hugging your hips and an oversized hoodie drowning your top half. He squints for a second, was that his hoodie? Nah, it probably wasn’t, you had similar taste in hoodies anyway. You push the hood back when you reach the car, a mess of hair tumbling out around your face. It resembled a bedhead, but he knew you well enough to conclude you’d been sleepily running hands through it all night to make the mess. Tugging at the roots in efforts to stay focused on whatever it was you were working on.

You tug the door open and pull yourself into the seat. Situating yourself before turning to him and pushing your glasses up her nose, foregoing contacts at this hour, ‘Hi.’

He smiles down at your smaller form, ‘Hey you.’

‘Let’s get going.’

He raises an eyebrow at you, watching you slide down in the seat. Your eyes are wide as you stare back, ‘What?’

‘Seatbelt.’

You roll your eyes and push yourself back up, reaching for the seatbelt, ‘Yes, mother.’

Hearing the belt click in place he pulls off, satisfied with your safety being secured.

You grab his phone from the cupholder, and push it under his face slightly, not obstructing his view but close enough for him to give it a quick glance and unlock his face ID for you. You start scrolling spotify and find your combined playlist, made with midnight food runs in mind. RnB starts flowing out of his speakers.

Dropping the phone back in the cupholder you turn to look at his profile, ‘So what you been studying for?’

‘Psychology final, not until next week but after I kinda bombed the midterm I don’t wanna be caught off guard. You?’

‘Final project is due in two weeks. I’ve kinda got it finished but I’m not sure.’

He smiles, knowing you were just being a perfectionist about it.

‘Am I gonna get to read it?’

‘Why do you want to?’ You laugh at him, looking over at his profile that was focused on the road ahead, but seeing his lip was pulled up in a smirk.

‘Cause you haven’t shut up about it all year, I wanna know if all the support snacks I’ve bought you have been worth it.’

You scrunch up your face and shove it down into the hoodie you were adorned in. It smelt like Eren. Wait, was this his hoodie?

‘Huh, nothing to say back?’ His grin is too smug as he steals a look at you. You glare up at him, ‘Shut up.’ 

Silence settles over you in the last minutes before you approach the destination. You push yourself up to sit when the glowing sign comes into view, your eyes lighting up again.

‘Drive thru or sit in?’ Eren questions, approaching slowly as he waits for an answer.

‘Sit in, please.’ He nods before swinging into a parking spot.

You both jump out and Eren rounds the car to your side, bumping you with his hip in greeting now you were out of the car. His hands are stuffed in his pockets but you grab hold of his sweatshirt sleeve gently as you start joking about how you had to sneak out without setting off Sasha’s food radar.

Inside you bounce ahead of him slightly, up to one of the self serve screens and start ordering. He smiles softly at how you had to shuffle the too-long hoodie sleeve up to let your hand emerge.

He comes behind you and places his chin on top of your head, watching as you confidently tapped at the different items.

‘You haven’t asked what I wanted yet.’ 

‘I know your Taco Bell order, idiot.’

‘Maybe I want something different this time.’

‘No you don’t.’

The screen goes black for a second while loading the checkout and he glances at your reflection. You push your glasses up your nose, looking up and sticking your tongue out at him when you see his eyes already on you. 

He smiles before ruffling at your already messy hair and standing back to pull out his wallet. Glancing up, he catches you doing the same and suddenly moves quicker, as do you. Whipping out his bank card and reaching around you to tap it on the terminal, the familiar beep of a successful transaction going off before you can push your card in the bottom slot.

Eren grins in triumph while you stuff your wallet back in the hoodie and grumble, ‘Stupid contactless card.’

You pull the receipt from the machine while he walks over towards a booth, dropping into the seat and stretching his legs out while watching you.

Your hands are shoved into the hoodie, you sway and shuffle around on you feet. Standing still was never one of your strong suits. 

A smile takes over Eren’s face as you yawn and rubs at your eyes, pulling the hood up over your head and pulling at the strings slightly. He chuckles at the image of your head being swallowed. You turn at the sound and frown at him, mouthing out ‘don’t laugh at me.’ Prompting his laughter to continue on.

He settles back in the booth when their number is called and you wander up to accept the tray of food.

Dropping yourself down across from him, the two of you automatically begin splitting out their food, almost instinctively knowing which packages were for who; Eren always had the nachos, you never deviated from fries. 

You ate in silence for just a moment before you pick up conversation again, ‘Are you gonna go to Jean’s party after finals?’

‘So bold of you to assume Jean could pull off a decent party without me.’ He smiled, stuffing a bite of his burrito in his mouth as you giggle. ‘What about you?’

‘I mean yeah probably, if everyone else is going.’

‘Well, Jean has got me and Connie roped in to help with set up, so Connie will make Sasha go, and Sasha will make Mikasa go, who will make Armin go, who will make sure I don’t flake off early and I’ll make sure you stay.’

‘Connie and I.’ You correct, reaching for your drink.

‘Shut up.’

‘Also, Eren Jaeger flaking early from a party is wholeheartedly unheard of.’

‘I left the last one early because someone needed to be walked home after throwing up.’

You pause with the straw at your mouth, eyes narrowing in a glare. 

‘You can’t get too messy this time anyway. Bertolt is gonna be there.’

You scrunch up your face in confusion, ‘Why’d you say his name like that.’

‘Because, you haven’t got laid since spring break, he’s cute and you said you guys have gotten super close from your fiction writing class.’

You roll your eyes at the tall boy’s explanation and shrug, ‘He’s kinda cute. I guess. And we haven’t gotten super close, we barely knew each other before the class.’

‘Exactly, he’s at perfect arm’s length for a hook up. You deserve it after all the stressing you’ve done this semester.’

You shrug again. Setting your drink back on the table and leaning back, your feet stretching out to bump against Eren’s, you think about it.

Eren watches you, yourr eyes staring out into space. Bertolt was cute, he didn’t get around that much from what Eren had heard of the boy, but he was sweet enough that he knew he could trust him with you, even just for a night.

But even as he looked you over, dark circles beginning to shadow under your eyes, figure swamped in your loungewear and hot sauce staining one edge of your mouth. You were way out of Bertolt’s league.

‘You’re probably way too good for him anyway.’

‘Even just for a hookup?’ Your eyes meet his green ones, your mouth showing a teasing smile starting to form.

He stuffs more burrito in his mouth and nods.

‘You think I’m too good for everyone.’

He swallows and reaches for his drink, ‘cause you are.’

‘Was I too good for you, is that why you didn’t have sex with me?’ You start grinning and laughing as he chokes on his drink. He leans an elbow on the table as he coughs, glaring at you through his lashes.

Eren sticks a hand out at you and gestures for you to cough it up. You pull a dollar from your wallet and stuffs it in his hand.

He imagines it’s the same dollar he gave you last week after he joked about your almost hook up. The metaphorical ‘don’t talk about the time we almost had sex’ jar was essentially the same dollar passed back and forth.

‘Was that one worth it?’ He raises an eyebrow at your giggling face as you reaches to open your crunchwrap, nodding in a satisfied manner.

You hold the hexagonal taco in your small hands and Eren chuckles. You eye him, taking your first bite and speaking out a muffled, ‘What?’

‘Your tiny hands always make those things look huge.’

‘Maybe your meaty boy’s hands just make it look small.’

He sticks a hand out in front of you, palm spread out to show the full size, ‘My hands are not meaty. And they’re no bigger than average.’

‘What are you talking about?’ You mirror him, lifting your hand to press a palm against his, the tips of your fingers just brushing above the second knuckle. 

‘Your hands are just tiny.’

‘No, they only look small because yours are huge.’

You both fall silent, two sets of eyes trained on your pressed together hands. Eren ignores the feel of his heart pounding up against his chest.

What was wrong? They’d held hands before? 

The ring of your phone blaring out an alarm drew both of them from the trance. Eren slid his fingers to interlock with your’s, playfully pushing your hand back towards your body.

‘Who’s calling you at this hour?’

‘No one, I, uh, I set an alarm for one thirty am. Otherwise we’d sit here all night, knowing the two of us.’

He lets out a small laugh, nods in agreement and starts to gather up your trash. His eyes run over your face just before standing, choosing not to make fun of the blush gracing your cheeks.

You stand and fall in stride next to him, bumping his hips with your own and poking his side, ‘What about you?’

‘What about me?’

‘Got your eye on anyone for Jean’s party?’

‘Nah, I’d rather just chill. I’ll probably spend half the night making sure Jean stays relatively sober for his own party.’ You laugh at the idea, nodding your head fervently. Jean usually ended up the messiest of the bunch.

The exit into the cold night air, and your body is immediately taken over with shivers. Eren rolls his eyes but loops an arm around your shoulder, his own body a constant furnace. You hum in appreciation, leaning into his side as he rubs at your arm.

Climbing into the car, he blasts the heat. This time you pull on your seatbelt with no need for prompting, your head turning to stare up at him, the raise of her eyebrows translating to You happy?

He stays quiet, pulling on a cheesy grin that answers back, Very.

You flop back into your seat, a yawn overtaking you and the heat of the car soothing you The effort to keep your eyes open immediately doubled.

‘You can close your eyes. I’ll wake you when we get to your building.’

You look at him with a sorry expression, ‘But I dragged you out I shouldn’t-’

‘Sleep, idiot,’ he cuts you off, lifting a hand from the steering wheel to run over your hair, long fingers running through it. Always a surefire way to make you sleepy.

You drift off quickly, a smile softly laid on your cheeks.

Eren feels his heart beating hard once again. He swallows it down. Focuses on the road. Just friends was easier.

[bonjour-rainycity]

Double Heart | Chapter Twenty-One ~ Cosima

|previous part|

Pairing: Haldir x OFC

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 4032

Warnings: None

A/n Hello! Sorry I’ve been absent! Life got a little crazy with family visiting and school starting again, but I’m happy to be back! I’ll see you again Wednesday with the regularly-scheduled update :)

I wake with my face buried in the crook of someone’s neck. Pushing against the solid mattress, I raise myself up and try to remember where I am. But the solidness beneath me isn’t the mattress at all. It’s Haldir’s chest. I sit up straighter, realizing that, in the night, I’d pulled myself almost completely on top of him.

He moves as he chuckles, bringing a hand up to tuck my surely wild hair behind my ear. I look down to find him smiling up at me, looking much more awake than I feel. “Good morning.”

I purse my lips, trying not to show how much I enjoy the sight of him in my bed, the feeling of waking up with him. I lower myself back down, settling against his side. His arm wraps around me automatically, securing me in place.

“Good morning,” I reply, tucking my chin against his sternum. “How did you sleep?”

He chuckles, lazily running his fingers up and down my arm. “Better than you can imagine. Though I did have an elbow digging into my stomach, there were, amazingly, no snores. And your bed is so much more comfortable than mine.”

I grin, twisting so I can better see his face. “Well, if you can suffer through being stabbed in the stomach all night, you are welcome to share my comfy bed any time you like.” I furrow my eyebrows, considering. “For the next two nights, I guess. After that, you’re welcome to share the grass beside my bedroll.”

He throws his head back in laughter, the sight so beautiful that my own giggles dies as I take the time to stare at him. How can he be so carefree and joyful when he knows his death is only a few decades ahead of him?

Our conversations last night pretty much disintegrated my resolve to end things with him, not that I had much resolve from the moment we actually allowed ourselves to be together. So weak, I chide myself. But, as Haldir has reminded me time and time again, he is an adult and can make his own choices. I have to respect that, just as he has respected that for me on numerous occasions.

But part of me worries I’m just using that as an excuse to justify my selfishness.

Because no matter how well I love him, how much joy I bring him, how happy I make his life, I will always be the one causing his death. He’s not doing the same for me. I’m the one who will kill him.

Haldir moves his fingers from my arm to my hair, tangling his fingers in the waves. I love it when he does that.

He smiles at me, distracting me from my gloomy thoughts. “I am excited for you to see Lothlórien. What do you have left to do before we leave?”

I sigh, shrugging and leaning against him. “Not much. I’ve got to tell Alex about us, hopefully he’ll take it well, but you know how he can be. I imagine Lavandil already knows, but I would still like to talk with her. After that, just packing, but I can probably put that off until tomorrow night. Packing will be easy — oh, that reminds me — do you have an extra bag I could use? That’s actually what I went up to your room to get the other night, but you confessed your love for me which was really inconvenient, because I never did get that bag.”

He laughs again, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. “Please accept my most sincere apologies. Before any future proclamations of love, I shall ask if there is something you need to cross off your to-do list, first.”

“Thank you,” I huff, feigning relief. “That’s all I ask.” Once our laughter dies down, I turn the question back to him. “What about you?”

I feel him shift under me as he stretches to look toward the curtains pulled over the window s, likely trying to gauge the time by the rays of sun peeking through. “I have a few meetings lined up, as well as continued training with the guard. They’re in quite good shape, but you can never be too prepared. And, as much as I hate to say it, I must get up.” He rolls so I am under him and places a sweet kiss to my forehead. “I have stayed in bed far too long.”

I grin up at him, catching his lips in a proper kiss before following him from the warmth of the blankets. “If you must.” I eye my closed door, now fully aware that we are well into the morning hours. I cross my arms, shifting my weight between my feet. “People will see you leaving my room.”

He looks up at me, back leaned against the wall as he pulls on his boots and laces them up. “Yes?”

I shrug, taking a few steps closer to him. “Well, they’ll talk.”

He raises an eyebrow, the beginnings of a smirk playing on the edges of his lips. “Would you like me to exit via window?”

I laugh and shake my head. “No.”

“Then let them talk.” He places his foot on the ground and meets me in the center of the room. “I’ve no intention of hiding you.”

I grin broadly, surprised by how much that sentence pleases me, and pull him down for a final kiss. “See you after dinner for training?”

“Yes,” he nods, letting his hand trail over my waves as he backs towards the door. “Your armor should be done by then. I’ll bring it with me.”

“I’m not wearing it,” I shout through the open door as he passes through.

“Yes, you are,” he calls back in a confident, almost lilting voice.

I grumble.

“Ah, good morning Ríneth.”

I freeze. Guess the cat’s out of the bag.

“G-good morning, Marchwarden,” comes the stunned response. As the attendant passes my open door, she sneaks a look, her eyes widening when she sees me standing in the center of the room. I raise a hand and wave.

She scurries off.

Stifling a chuckle, I close the door and head to the bathroom to get ready for one of my last days in Imladris.

{***}

I decide to tell Alex first. Between him, Lavandil, and Baranor, Alex is the most likely to have a sour reaction, so I’d prefer to just get that over with.

He welcomes me in after one knock and I try to contain my surprise, immediately noticing the explosion of books, scrolls, and papers scattered across his room.

I step over a large pile of volumes to make it through the entryway. “Wow.”

“Yeah.” He grins sheepishly, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “Elrond said I could take some books with me, but they’re too bulky to travel with, so I’m trying to copy down as much as I can before we go.”

I nod, trying to find an area clear of stuff large enough for me to place my feet. “I bet Lothlórien has a good library.”

“I hope,” he agrees, bending to move some books so I have space. “But what’s up?”

“Um,” I press my lips together, suddenly feeling very, very nervous. My hands twist themselves in and out of each other as I look for anything to distract myself from the way my heart races. “I wanted to tell you…” Just get it over with. “Haldir and I are — together.” I wince. That doesn’t even begin to encompass how I feel about him, but how the heck do I describe our relationship?

Alex raises an eyebrow, setting the books in his hands down on the chest of drawers. “Yeah, for a while, right?”

I blink. Of all the reactions, I hadn’t expected that. “What?”

He tilts his head. “Wait, this happened recently?”

“Uh, yeah,” I huff, a little put out that he’s been thinking I’ve been secretly with Haldir and just hadn’t said anything about it. “What made you think it happened earlier?”

Alex shrugs, throwing his hands in his pockets. “Well, I don’t know, it was just kinda obvious something was there. I assumed the two of you acted on it around the time we got to Imladris and have just been trying to keep it a secret or something.”

“Wha—um,” I sputter, completely floored. “We’ve been avoiding each other for three months,” I defend, suddenly self-conscious of my apparently obvious feelings.

“Yeah,” Alex shrugs again, hauling a bag filled with books onto his bed. “I thought that was part of it — pretend to avoid each other to quiet the rumors, but then meet up when no one was paying attention.”

“Rumors,” I squeak, not liking the sound of that.

“Well, I didn’t hear any,” he corrects, noticing my panic. “I just, you know — the two of you seemed to click. I figured other people noticed it, too.”

He’s not wrong about that, I think, remembering Lavandil’s excitement and, before he changed his mind due to my mortality, Rumil’s.

Alex speaks again, the slightest shift in his tone. “I also figured that, well, your attachment to him is what was making you want to stay here and not work so hard to get home. Because, honestly Cosima, I can’t wrap my head around any other reason that would be strong enough to keep you away from your own world.”

“Oh. Right.” I look down at my hands, guilt buzzing in my stomach.

“But now that it’s official, I’m guessing you’ve decided?” Alex comes to stand in front of me, arms crossed in front of his chest. He doesn’t look angry, like I thought he would, just resigned.

I sigh, hating the disappointment I know I’m causing him. “Yes. I will help you figure out how to get home if you still want that, but I—I’m staying here.”

He nods, his jaw tightening. “And when I get home, what should I tell your family?”

I suck in a sharp breath. Ouch. I drop my hands to my sides, pleading with him. “Can we just—not? Please? I don’t remember them, Alex, I don’t even know if they exist, aside from nonna, who passed away five years ago. And here…well…” I sigh, mind drifting to Haldir and Lavandil and Rumil and Orophin and Baranor, and even Glorfindel. “My family—the family I chose—they’re all in Arda.”

Alex nods slowly, regarding me thoughtfully. “Can’t say I didn’t try.”

I try to ease the hurt. I don’t want him to be sad. “But I’ll keep helping you, I promise. If there’s a way home, we’ll find it.”

He sighs and then smiles, though it looks tired. “Yeah. Yeah you’re right. Thanks, Cosi.” He steps forward and pulls me into a hug, the action surprising me. Blinking against the shock, I wrap my arms around his shoulders, holding him tight. “I suck at showing it, but I am happy for you, you know,” he whispers, squeezing my shoulders.

He releases me then, and I smile up at him. “Thank you.”

{***}

After my unexpected conversation with Alex, it’s time to find Lavandil.

It’s not difficult.

Her high-pitched giggle catches me on the way to lunch, her hands whirling me around into a wall of curls. She surprises me by grabbing me in the briefest of hugs, then pulls away, gripping me tightly by the shoulders.

“I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Orophin told me last night — he’s upset of course, but he does acknowledge that he’s never seen Haldir as happy as he is when he’s with you! And I honestly think Orophin just needs time. Bottom line, he wants Haldir to be happy and loved, and you’re doing just that. But okay, now that that’s out of the way, you must tell me everything.”

I laugh, trying to catch up with her enthusiasm and rapid-fire words. I pull her to the side of the hallway, closer to the stone wall. People are, of course, bound to find out as the week goes on, but I’d rather not shout the details of what I consider to be my most cherished moment. In a hushed voice, I recount the night Haldir and I decided to go for it, Lavandil squealing and grinning through the whole thing.

“That is so sweet,” she gushes, eyes bright. “Who knew Haldir had such a way with words!”

“I know, right,” I agree, pleased to finally be able to talk about this with one of my best friends. “And kissing him?” I place a hand over my heart in a mock swoon, earning me a delighted laugh. “I could do that forever.” But then I bite my lip, not sure how she’ll react to what I’m going to tell her next. “He uh—spent the night last night.”

Lavandil’s eyes blow wide. “Did you—”

“No.” I hurry to clear that up. “But, I mean…it’s difficult not to want to…” I sigh, feeling much better upon seeing her understanding nod. She gets it. “How do you and Orophin manage? For eight years?”

She grins somewhat bashfully. “Well, it does help that we don’t see each other very often. And a lot of times, we have to stop ourself before we end up getting married without a second thought. But it all just comes down to us acknowledging the reality of our situation — we don’t want to get married and live apart, but neither of us was ready to give up our homes, families, or careers, not until recently, so we had to wait to take that step. It was a decision we were both okay with for a while. But now…” She shrugs, her smile softens and a faraway look enters her eye. “That time is over. He’s staying here with me, and it’s the best feeling in the world.”

I smile at her, happy for my friend. “Do you…” I tread carefully, not sure how much more I can ask without intruding, “think you’ll get married then?”

“Oh, for sure,” she grins, crossing her arms over her chest. “And soon. All our reasons not to have conveniently been taken care of.”

I take her hand in mine and give it a quick squeeze. “I’m happy for you.”

“I’m happy for me, too, she jokes, winking cheekily. We laugh, and then she dissolves back into her interrogation of me. Dutifully, I answer each and every one.

{***}

When it’s dark outside, Haldir knocks on my door. In his hand, he carries a dark brown bag that makes a suspicious clanging sound with every step he takes. I eye it warily. He smiles, bringing the palm of my hand to his mouth for a kiss. “I’m sorry it’s so late. The drills ran long.”

I shrug, pulling him farther into my room and shutting the door behind him. “Don’t worry about it. I was with Lavandil until about an hour ago, anyway.”

He looks at me, a note of hesitation in his eyes. “And how did that go?”

“Better than expected,” I laugh in relief. “She’s very happy for us and says Orophin shows signs of feeling better. I talked to Alex too — can you believe it, he thought we’ve been together for months!”

At this, Haldir raises his eyebrows, shaking his head. “What would give him that impression? We avoided each other for almost the entire time we’ve been in Imladris.”

“That’s what I said!” I hold up a hand to stop him. “But I’m actually not going to talk to you any more until you open that bag. I need to decide if I’m going to be mad at you or not.”

He grins broadly, setting the bag gently on the ground. “I don’t know why you would be mad when all I’ve done is bring you a present.” Haldir reaches inside and draws out silver chainmail.

“Well, take it back,” I grumble, having correctly guessed the contents of the bag. I cross my arms over my chest.

“See?” Haldir smiles, straightening with the chainmail in hand. “It’s not as bad as you thought. It can even be worn under your clothes if you like.”

I grimace, taking a step forward and running a hand over the cool metal. Experimentally, I gather the bottom of the piece and hold it in both of my hands. It’s heavy. I look up at Haldir, unimpressed. “There’s no way this is comfortable.”

He shrugs. “You’ll get used to it. Besides, I’d rather have you uncomfortable and alive than comfortable and dead.” He steps forward, presses a kiss to my temple, then walks past me to lay the chainmail over my table.

I sigh. He’s just trying to keep me safe. “Alright, fine,” I acquiesce, following him further into my room. I step in front of him, trying to will my annoyance away. “Thank you for doing that.”

He smiles softly, though there’s a hint of humor in his eyes as he knows the effort I’m putting into making my tone polite. “You are very welcome. Now — go stand in the center of the room. I want to go over a few more techniques before we pause training to travel. And tomorrow, we’ll practice with the chainmail.”

I groan.

{***}

Haldir stays with me for the remaining two nights in Imladris. It’s very convenient — not only do I love having him with me, but it gives him and Rumil some much-needed space.

Over the course of our remaining days, we only had a few things on our to-do list: Inform Baranor of the development in our relationship — he didn’t seem surprised, just like he was making a very conscious effort to appear happy for us—prepare the horses, and pack our belongings and adequate provisions for the journey. On the morning of our departure, we’re set to meet at the bridge that marks the entrance to the city. Haldir leaves me while it’s still dark, kissing me while I’m half asleep and telling me goodbye. He went to ensure the horses were ready and ‘tie up a couple of loose ends,’ as he put it.

Despite the desire to sleep in, I rise with the sun, knowing we don’t have long before we leave. When I spot the chainmail laid over my table, I begrudgingly pull it on under my clothes, knowing Haldir will just send me back to get it if I don’t. It’s heavier than I want it to be, but he’s right — if we were attacked, it would provide an additional measure of protection. I don’t have to tell him that, though. Once I’m dressed, all that’s left to do is say my goodbyes and get on the horse.

I don’t want to say goodbye.

Lavandil meets me at my door. Wordlessly, she shoulders one of my bags and walks with me to the front of the estate. We step onto the lush grass, which still glints with the morning dew. Soon, autumn will creep in and the green of Imladris will turn into brilliant reds, golds, and oranges—or so my friends tell me. I hope that I will get to see it one day.

At the start of the bridge waits the rest of my company. I notice Haldir off to the side with both Orophin and Rumil. Unlike his brothers, Rumil doesn’t look up or wish us good morning. That stings—bad—but at least he’s talking to his brothers.

I search for Alex and, with a note of surprise, find him behind the horses, speaking with Elrond. I raise an eyebrow, but don’t investigate. If Alex wants to tell me about their conversation, he can.

Lavandil and I approach Faervel, who whinnies in recognition. Since Orophin is staying in Imladris, his horse is as well. Horses are apparently quite fond of their owners, so we agreed not to hurt any of them by pulling them away from their home and taking them back to Lothlórien. That means Alex still rides with Baranor and I will ride with Haldir — for now. Maybe if Rumil ends up forgiving me, I can ride Roch at some point.

I loop my bag into the straps on the edge of the saddle, securing it in place. Lavandil does the same with my other bag, tying it on Faervel’s back.

Someone behind me clears their throat, and both Lavandil and I turn around.

Elrond smiles in greeting, inclining his head. “Lavandil, would you mind if I had a moment alone with Cosima?”

“Of course,” she smiles, waving at me as she hurries off to join Orophin. This isn’t goodbye, I remind myself. I’ll catch her again before I leave.

Elrond pats Faervel on the head. “Cosima, I wish you safe travels.”

“Thank you,” I reply.

“Promise me,” he continues, voice turning serious, “that when you arrive in Lothlórien, you will speak to Lady Galadriel without delay. I believe she can help you and Alexander.”

I agree readily. Elrond has been so kind and helpful, of course I’ll do as he asks.

“Good.” He nods. “And, well…” he sighs, sadness entering his ageless eyes. “I pray to the Valar that you will have a happy, fulfilling life.”

Despite the well-wish, grief collects in his features and I suck in a breath, remembering exactly who his daughter is and who she loves.

I open my mouth to say — what? That I’m sorry? That I wish it were someone else? What can I say to an ellon whose daughter will die for the same reason Haldir will?  

I close my mouth.

Because no, there is nothing to say.

Elrond inclines his head in understanding and steps back, bidding a final farewell to us all before returning to his estate.

Rumil, Baranor, and Alex mount their horses.

It seems there is no more time to waste. Lavandil comes to stand in front of me, sniffling. “I guess this is goodbye.”

Tears enter my own eyes and I bite my lip, desperately not wanting them to escape and betray how sad I feel.

“The shop won’t be the same without you,” she whispers. Then, in a movement so fast I barely register the change, she flings her arms around my shoulders, drawing me in for a brief, tight hug. “Be happy.”

I pull back, smiling despite my sadness. “You too. Write to me?”

“Of course.” She gives me a watery laugh and tosses her curls over her shoulder. “Who else can we complain about them to?” She jerks a thumb in the direction of Haldir and Orophin, who put on identical expressions of affronted disbelief, and I break into actual laughter.

But when our laughter fades, Lavandil falls back, stepping out of the way of the horses and into Orophin’s outstretched arms.

Haldir walks up next to me. He crouches, ready to help me on the horse and, before I can look at the sadness on Lavandil’s face and burst into tears of my own, I put my boot in his hand, allowing myself to swing onto Faervel’s back. In the next moment, Haldir lands in front of me, taking the reins in his hands.

“Now what are all these tears about?”

I jump, startled by the loud, unexpected voice.

None other than Glorfindel, followed by four armored members of Imaldris’s guard, gallop down the path.

My golden friend sidles his horse next to Faervel, winking at me. “Good news, my dear lady, we shall not be parted so soon! Your commander—or should I say lover, now—” both Haldir and I make a face at the term, “asked for an escort through the mountain pass. My troops and I are happy to oblige.”

Haldir nods to him, serious despite Glorfindel’s exuberance. “Thank you for coming.”

Glorfindel smiles, returning Haldir’s nod. “Of course, mellon nîn.” He calls out a command and our company, much larger now, moves forward. I allow myself one final wave to Orophin and Lavandil, as well as a last glance at this shining city that had just begun to feel like home.

Before I know it, we have crossed the terrifying bridge and left the safety of Imladris behind.

A/n Thanks for reading! Likes, comments, and reblogs make my day <3 And to everyone who responded to the last chapter: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, THANK YOU!!!!!

|next chapter - to be posted|

|masterlist|

Tolkien tag list: @anangelwhodidntfall @eru-vande 

Haldir tag list: @tolkien-apologist @that-cute-stranger

Double Heart tag list: @lainphotography @themerriweathermage @thophil2941btw @kenobiguacamole @wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse @from-patroclus-with-love @boywivlove @ordinarymom1 @my-darling-haldir @sweet-bea-blossom @moony-artnstuff @sleepyamygdala @thranduilseyebrows 

[mammonshuman92]

- Freckles -

(Yamaguchi x F!Reader)

Warning: none. fluffy stuffs.

NOTE: I kinda went my own way a little, and kinda made our shy boy a tad more nervous and such than he’s usually portrayed. Hope I didn’t fuck it up :)

“I’d like to see you after class.” Mrs. Saito said quietly, laying his test paper face down on his desk. Once she moved onto the next student, he flipped the paper over to reveal yet another failing grade.

He sighed, slightly sinking down into his seat, wishing he could hide. English was definitely his hardest subject. 

When class was over, Yamaguchi reluctantly made his way to the teachers desk.

“Tadashi, with the score you made on the last test, you’re grade for the class has fallen into the failing range.” She explained. 

F-failing..? He thought.

“As you know, extracurriculars require you to maintain good grades. I understand you’re on the volleyball team?” Yamaguchi nodded anxiously.

“Don’t worry, there’s still plenty of time to raise your grade. However, per the rules, I did have to inform Mr. Takeda, since he’s your head coach.” She said apologetically.

This is bad...

He left the classroom in a slight daze. Not only was he failing English, he could also be removed from the team.. 

Takeda sensei has always been very understanding, and has done his best to help the team and the players as much as he could, but as a teacher and the actual head coach, he couldn’t just over look failing grades.

Lost in thought as he walked to practice, a nervous wreck after talking with his teacher, he didn’t hear the footsteps of the person coming around the corner until it was too late. He lightly bumped into them, knocking some papers out of their hands. He immediately apologized, bowing to the other person, his cheeks turning pink with embarrassment.

“I-I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention! A-are yo-” When he stood back up, he froze.

It was you.

One day in seventh grade as he walked home from school he dropped his bag, causing all of his textbooks and papers to spill onto the sidewalk. 

You had been walking by with your friends when you saw what happened. You knelt down next to him, helping to gather the bags’ spilled contents. He began to say thank you as he turned to the stranger, but ended up stuttering incoherently and turning bright red when he met your e/c eyes. You were so beautiful; angelic. Even in your small interaction, he could feel your warmth and kindness.

He’s had a secret crush on you ever since.

Well, almost secret. Tsukishima was the only one who knew, quickly figuring it out when he noticed how his friend reacted whenever you were nearby. He teased him about it occasionally.

He was sure you didn't remember his existence though. Sure, you were in the same grade and even had a few classes together since that day, but he tried his best not to stand out. Anyway, you helped him in passing that day after school. Not like a timid, insecure, freckle faced boy would make a lasting impression.

You are friendly, and beautiful and really smart. Your laugh is like music and your smile is radiant. You easily stand out in a crowd. You are angelic, ethereal.

And he is, well, he is average.

There’s no way he would ever be brave enough to tell you that though. Someone as amazing as you wouldn’t want to be with someone like him. Out of immense fear of rejection and humiliation, he kept his feelings to himself. 

He was pretty sure his brain was short circuiting. Surely, this wasn’t happening right now. He just wanted to spontaneously combust.

“I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” You asked, studying his face, eyes bright and full of concern.

“O-oh, um, yes. I-I didn’t mean to run into you, I’m really sorry!” He stuttered, gathering up the papers you dropped during the collision, cheeks burning as blood rushed to them. “A-are you hurt?” He asked as he handed them back to you, heart pounding so hard the sound filled his ears. He’s never felt more embarrassed.

“No, I’m okay. I wasn't paying attention either, so no worries.” You said, taking the papers from his trembling hand, giving him a small smile. His chest ached at the sight of it.

Thankfully, someone had called out your name from behind him, potentially saving him from embarrassing himself any further.

“Coming!” You called to your friend before returning your attention to him once more.

“Maybe next time we run into each other it won’t be literally.” You said, smiling at him before walking off to meet your friend.

He just stood there a minute, not quite believing what had just taken place. The interaction was over as quickly as it had started, but he was ready to combust.

Please, please tell me that that didn’t just happen..

He flushed red all the way to his ears, and all but ran the rest of the way to the gym.

-

“I talked with Mrs. Saito today. She said you’re having a hard time in English.” 

When Takeda sensei made it to practice after his meeting, he pulled Tadashi aside. 

“Uh, y-yes sensei. I’m trying, but I don’t understand it..” He explained sheepishly, Takeda nodded.

“There is no shame in asking for help.” He said quietly, placing a hand on the boys shoulder.

“That being said, I’ve asked one of my best students to tutor you. She’s going to come by after practice today.”

A tutor? Wait..today?! Oh, man..

Yamaguchi has been insecure since he was a kid, always being bullied for his freckles and such, so meeting new people always caused him anxiety.

This can’t be over fast enough..

After practice had ended, everyone started their cool down stretches and began cleaning the gym.

“Hey, who is that girl? She’s really cute.” Nishinoya asked, elbowing Tanaka to get his attention as they carried equipment to the storage room.

“Huh? Whoa.” He said, eyes landing on the girl standing in the entrance of the gym, “Never seen her before. Uh, random question though. Can you feel this?” He held the bottom of his shirt out to the libero for him to touch it.

“What about it?” Noya asked, giving his friend a confused look as he rubbed the fabric between his fingers.

“That, my friend, is boyfriend material. Watch and learn, dude.” He said, confidently, taking a couple steps in your direction. Nishinoya started laughing.

“That was a good one!” He said, complementing his friends cliche line. ”But, what if she doesn’t like bald dudes?” He asked, slightly cocking his head to the side.

“Hey! I am not bald!” He yelled, cheeks turning pink.

Their not so quiet conversation was starting to attract the attention of some of the other teammates. Including Daichi, who scolded the two boys.

“Oh, that’s Y/N L/N.” Kageyama said. “She’s in my homeroom.”

Nearby, Yamaguchi was assisting Ennoshita in taking the volleyball net down. At the sound of your name, he turned to see that it was in fact you, now standing inside the gym talking to Coach Ukai. His heart beat accelerated.

W-what?

Previously not caring about Tanaka and Noya’s conversation, he felt a slight pang of jealousy, now realizing you were who they were talking about. It was quickly overshadowed but the flashback of your earlier encounter, which made him feel humiliated all over again.

Coach Ukai scanned the group of boys, looking for one of them in particular.

“Yamaguchi!” He called, waving him over.

Me?  He thought, quickly being snapped out of his daydreaming.

Your eyes, along with several others, landed on him. He was pretty sure his heart stopped beating momentarily.

What did you being here have to do with him?

Then it clicked.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no..this isn’t happening..

As soon as he made it to the front, Coach Ukai switched spots with him, going over to help Ennoshita finish taking down the net, and leaving the two of you alone.

“Hi again, um, Takeda sensei sent me. He said you need help with English class." You said with a smile.

All he could do was nod. After what happened earlier, and now finding out that you of all people are going to tutor him, there’s no way he could talk to you again so soon and actually form coherent sentences.

"I’m free all afternoon, so if you have time after practice we can go ahead and get started."

This is so bad.. What if I say something stupid?

"O-okay, yeah." He said quietly.

"Cool! I'll just wait over there." You said, gesturing to one of the tables outside of the gym.

After giving him a small smile, you disappeared through the doorway.

Once he knew you couldn't hear him, he sighed heavily.

There's no way this is happening.. It's a joke, right?

He wasn’t sure how he was going to get through a study session with you without combusting. You talked to him for a minute and a half and his heart was racing and his cheeks are an embarrassingly bright red. Not to mention he was still mortified about what happened in the hallway.

A playful slap on his back, quickly brought him out of his thoughts.

“Dude, when were you gonna tell us you had a girlfriend?” Tanaka asked, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

“W-what? No! W-we’re not, I mean-” Tadashi stammered. The redness of his cheeks was starting to creep up to his ears.

“She’s way too pretty to be kept as a secret, my guy.” Nishinoya chimed in.

“Oh, totally. Not to mention it’s rude.” Tanaka nodded in agreement.

“I-it’s not like that! S-she’s not-”

“He wishes.” Tsukishima said as he walked past the group on his way to the club room.

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi whined, wanting nothing more than to crawl under a rock. Hopefully you were far enough away that you couldn’t hear any of his teammates’ conversation.

-

He was glad practice was finally over, as well as the barrage from his teammates, but now he had to meet up with you. He was somewhat excited, but definitely way more nervous.

Aside from other people at the library, he would be alone with you. No one to act as a buffer, all the attention, your attention, would be on him. It made his heart flutter before it fell into his stomach.

When he left the club room after dressing out, he found you exactly where you said you’d be. You were sitting at a table underneath a tree, a book sprawled open in front of you. Even doing something so basic, so common, you were so beautiful.

After practice, everyone seemed to be in a hurry to get home. He was never more thankful. No way did he want Tanaka or Nishinoya talking about you where you could definitely hear it this time. The thought alone was terrifying. 

He usually walks home with Tsukishima but now that he was going to be doing tutoring after school/practice, his best friend gave him a quick “don’t be lame” and left. He knew the meaning behind it essentially translated to “you’re finally getting you’re chance, try not to screw it up.”

You looked up as he approached the table, most likely alerted to his presence by the sound of his footsteps. If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought you heard his heart hammering away.

You put the book you were reading into your bag and got up, rounding the table until you were next to him.

“Well, at least we only figuratively ran into each other this time.” You said, laughing lightly. The bubbly sound made his heart squeeze.

Just breathe, Tadashi. You’ll be fine, just try and calm down. He kept thinking over and over. 

If he was ever going to get through this tutoring with you and pass his class, he at least had to learn to talk to you without stuttering, and blushing so hard he thought his face would catch fire.

“Y-yeah, sorry about that.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I guess I can forgive you.” You teased, gently elbowing his arm. The corner of his mouth pulled up slightly, but on the inside he died a little from the brief contact.

“So, the library down the street has rooms specifically for studying. Unless you have somewhere else in mind, we could go there.” You suggested.

“O-okay, yeah.” 

“Awesome, come on.” You lead the way, gesturing for him to follow you.

She’s so outgoing. I wish I could talk to people as easily as her..

“So, English, huh?” You asked, trying to make small talk. 

“Yeah...I just can’t understand it.” He said, laughing weakly.

“We can fix that.” You assured him.

“Um, t-thank you for helping me. I’m sorry Takeda sensei drug you into this.” He said apologetically, looking at his feet while he walked. He knew how relentless Takeda could be, it’s how they’d gotten quite a few practice games.

“He didn’t.” You said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Huh?” He asked confused, lifting his head slightly to look at you.

“Takeda sensei? He didn’t drag me into anything. He didn’t have to.” You said, voice dropping to a whisper at the last part.

Didn’t have to?

“What do you mean?” He was sure he hadn’t heard you correctly.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Anyway, he asked and I agreed. Simple.” You explained, quickly waving your hand dismissively.

He let it go, but was sure there was some hidden meaning in there.

He didn’t have to talk her into it? Maybe tutors get extra credit.. That would make more sense.

-

“Okay, instead of doing it this way,” you pointed to his answer, “try doing it this way.” You said, writing on his paper. “It makes it a little easier to remember.”

It had been nearly two hours since you got to the library. It was surprisingly going well. He was beginning to understand some of the material, and from the forced one-on-one time, he even felt just a little less nervous around you.

“Oh, it’s getting late. We should stop for today.” You said, checking the time on your phone.

You gathered up all your things and made your way to the exit. Once outside, you turned toward him as you began walking down the sidewalk. “Do you feel like it helped so far?”

“A little? It’s still kind of confusing, I’m sorry..” He apologized, feeling defeated.

“That’s okay! You don’t have to be sorry. I’ll help you as much as you need.” you reassured him with a smile. The small gesture was enough to get his heart racing again.

“R-really?” He was a little shocked. Not only did you spend two hours tutoring him today without having to be convinced, but you also wanted to continue to do so?

I know she didn’t mean it like that, but still..

“Of course. It’s only day one, after all.” You shrugged nonchalantly.

Hmm. Day one.

The implication of more days like this gave him butterflies. It didn’t start out the best, but it turned out pretty okay. Even if you were only studying, he really enjoyed being around you.

You stopped walking when you were about a block away from the school, Yamaguchi following suit.

“This is my turnoff.” You said, pointing toward the street to your left.

This is it, Tadashi. You can do this. You can’t be scared forever.

“Oh, um, d-do you mind if I walk with you? It’s getting kinda dark, y-you shouldn’t go alone.” He couldn’t bare to see your reaction, instead choosing to look at the ground. His heart was pounding.

He was mostly afraid for your safety, but he also didn’t want to part ways yet. Although his heart raced the entire time, he really enjoyed the last couple hours that he’d spent with you. His nerves kept getting the best of him; getting inside his own head. Preparing himself for the rejection that would leave him feeling like a kicked puppy.

“I’d like that.” You said quietly.

He looked at you, surprised that you actually agreed, let alone saying that you’d like it; and something seemed different. He went rigid when it clicked.

Is she...blushing?

Your eyes were averted and attention focused elsewhere, as if you were embarrassed. A light dusting of rosy pink on your cheeks. The sight of it gave him butterflies.

Still trying not to look at him, you led the way. Yamaguchi quietly walked beside you, trying to hide the small smile that crept onto his face. 

“Thank you, Yamaguchi. For offering to walk with me.” You said quietly, breaking the silence as you walked side by side down the street. 

“O-of course. Anytime. Oh, and um, you can call me Tadashi, i-if you want.” He said with a smile, blushing at his own forwardness. You smiled back at him.

“My house is just up here.” You said, pointing up the street. “Oh, before I forget.” You handed him your phone, “We should exchange numbers in case one of us needs to cancel or something.” He nodded, taking the phone from you, returning a few seconds later. You immediately sent him a message.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, “There. Now you have my number too.” You said with a smile, sliding your phone back in your bag.

“This is it.” You said as you turned to him, gesturing to the house on your right. “Same time tomorrow?”

He nodded, maybe just a tad too eagerly, which made you smile.

“Can’t wait.” You said quietly, giving him a quick smile and waving good bye before walking up the pathway to your house. Once he saw your door close behind you, he made his way home. He was so lost in thought the whole way, still not quite believing this day actually happened, but thankful that it had.

~

Over the next month or so, he was able to get over most of his nervousness about being around you. It became easy and refreshing to spend so much time together. He’d learned so much about you, which only made him fall harder.

You were his complete opposite, and although you made him more nervous than anyone else on the planet, you were like a breath of fresh air. You always initiated conversations, asking questions or talking about something random, so he never had to worry about trying to fill awkward silence. You were so easy to talk to, when he wasn’t getting flustered by something that is. 

You studied at the library nearly everyday after school, followed by Yamaguchi walking you home. It had quickly become the new normal. Thanks to you, he’s able to understand the material now and has even brought his grade up to a passing level.

Deep down, he was scared though.

Scared that when you no longer had a reason to be around him, you wouldn’t be. That the nature of your relationship resided solely on the fact that you were just doing what your teacher had asked of you, and it would end as quickly as it had begun. Scared that he’d foolishly let himself believe you would ever be friends with him outside of school stuff, much less like him.

And now that his grade had improved, tutoring would be coming to an end soon. He didn’t want to stop meeting you after practice; always sitting at the same table reading. Or walking you home everyday. Watching your face light up when he showed you his good grade on a test. How you’d go over something he didn’t understand as many times as necessary, never once getting annoyed.

He’s spent so long admiring your light from afar, that once he got the slightest chance to feel the warmth you radiated, he didn’t want to lose it. 

-

“...ashi. Tadashi?”

“Hmm? Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention..” He smiled apologetically, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Are you okay? You’ve been spacey all afternoon.” You looked up at him, genuine concern in your eyes. He’d been feeling kind of out of it; lost in his thoughts about the possibility of not spending time with you anymore.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.. I was thinking. My grade is an A now, so before long tutoring will come to an end..” 

“Oh, well that’s great though!” You exclaimed, “I thought something was wrong.” You laughed, glancing over at him; but it was cut short when you took in his gloomy expression.

“Uh, is there?...Something wrong, I mean?” Your voice was softer now, concern washing over your face.

“Not really, I guess. It’s just that... not spending every afternoon together studying is gonna be..weird.” 

“Tadashi! Are you going to miss me?” You gasped dramatically, lightly bumping his elbow with your own; he scoffed sarcastically.

“Anyway, just because tutoring is over doesn’t mean we can’t still hang out.” You said casually.

“R-really?” He asked surprised. He honestly wasn’t expecting that.

“Umm.. yeah? Are we not friends?” You laughed lightly.

“W-well, I wasn’t sure if you thought so or not.. Since you’re just tutoring me and all..” He said, fidgeting with the strap on his bag that hung over his shoulder.

“Why wouldn’t I?” 

Your persistence in questioning the “why’s” was starting to get to him. He was trying to be careful of his word choices, as to not end up confessing to you accidentally.

“I don’t know.. because you’re you and I’m me.”

“Wait..what?

“You’re outgoing, and funny, and smart. And I’m.. not.”

You stopped abruptly on the sidewalk; Yamaguchi following suit, looking at you in confusion.

“So...you think you’re not good enough to be my friend?” Your voice was barely above a whisper. He remained quiet; looking away from you. Something stirred inside you.

“Tadashi..” You began, nervously fiddling with your fingers as you looked away from him. 

He looked like a kicked puppy. Worse, even. The slight hesitation, how you immediately got nervous when the subject was brought up; he knew what was coming next.

“It’s okay, Y/N. You don’t have to say anyt-” 

“You are smart and funny. Outgoing even, around the right people. And also thoughtful, and a really good listener. And literally, the cutest freckles.”

It took a few seconds, mulling over your words, before they made sense.

Wait...

Oh. 

...OH!

Judging by the look on your face and the shade of red your cheeks turned, he was sure you didn’t mean to say the last part out loud. Regardless, it caused him heart palpitations.

“No turning back now.” You laughed nervously. “Tadashi, I really like you. I don’t want tutoring to be where it ends.”

He was sure his heart stopped as soon as your words reached him. However, the loud hammering sound in his ears proved otherwise.

Calm down. She means as a friend.

..Right?

He hadn’t quite come to the solid conclusion if you had meant as a friend or not, before a wave of courage washed over him, giving him exactly what he needed to be able to speak the words he’s always wanted to say to you. Whether you meant as a friend or not, it was now or never. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get another opportunity like this one. He needed to make the most of it.

With a deep breath to help calm his racing heart, he turned his gaze on you. Words began flowing completely uninhibited; and getting straight to the point.

“Y/N, I really like you too. I’m still not certain if you meant that you like me as a friend or like-like me, so if it’s just as a friend my confession is probably gonna make this pretty awkward, but I definitely like-like you. I have since that day in seventh grade when you helped me. I’ve just never been able to work up the nerve to tell you.” Yamaguchi was practically winded from talking so fast, in an attempt to get it all. 

The reality of the situation, and the fact that he just spilled his guts to his crush, caused his face to erupt into a shade of bright red, practically turning him into a beacon in the night sky like the ones signal a superhero for help.

“I’m sorry, I guess I should’ve been more specific.” You said.

Oh no.. this is bad. It’s not mutual. I should’ve kno-

“I like-like you too. Also since that day in middle school.”

Excuse me?

His heart definitely stopped this time. 

Where was Yachi with the AED when you needed it..

S-she..likes me back?

“This isn’t happening..” He whispered quietly, squeezing his eyes shut. He still didn’t fully believe your words; didn’t believe this wasn’t all a fever dream or something.

He was slightly taken aback when you closed the gap between the two of you and reached for his hand, slightly rough and calloused from volleyball, and intertwined your fingers in his.

“It is. But, only if you want it to.” You said gently, once again meeting his gaze.

He’s on cloud nine. He’s absolutely sure he’s died and ascended.

“I-I’d like that. A lot.” He said, face lighting up; a fresh round of blush creeping onto his cheeks.

You smiled his favorite smile at him and gently pulled him by the hand, leading him down the sidewalk along your normal after-tutoring-route.

Tutoring and hanging out didn’t have to come to an end after all. Instead, a whole new chapter was beginning for the shy, freckle faced boy.

[linmanwe11]

P-P-P-P-PRIZEO

Pairing: Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader

Words: 1,156 Words

Warnings: Swearing and a little bit of fluff (It’s Lin, I can’t help myself)

Summary: You had been a fan of Lin-Manuel ever since you saw In The Heights on Broadway, so you decided to participate in his new Prizeo contest. You never had much luck with things like that, so you forgot about after a couple of weeks... That is until you got a call one day from an unknown number...

A/N: I got this idea from my good friend @rocketgirlal when we were talking about (thirsting over) Lin, so you can thank her for this existing! Okay, here’s part one!

-

Part One: THE CONTEST

Living in New York City was never easy. It was like a dream, but the concrete jungle was expensive to live in, you were lucky to be able to make a decent living off of your work. You wouldn’t officially call yourself a writer, even though you had a few of your stories and pieces published, but you were actually a high school Advanced English teacher, and you loved teaching the young brilliant minds of those who would soon take over and change the world. Though it was exhausting, you would never trade any of it for the world, but until your writing career was to take off, you were perfectly satisfied with teaching English. 

Growing up in New York, you were in love with musicals, theatre, and just about anything and everything that had to do with Broadway, but you were never able to go to the theater and see any shows, so you fell in love with Broadway musicals through the amazing cast albums. In The Heights was the first show you had ever seen live in your adult life, and you fell head over heels in love with the show. Soon after seeing the masterpiece, you began researching and learning everything you could about it, and that’s when you discovered Lin-Manuel Miranda. You were in love from the beginning; not just with his looks (even though they were definitely a contributing factor), but with his mind, his intellect, the way he seemed to be so endlessly talented. From that moment on, you followed him on Twitter to stay updated with him and his amazing work.

As you sat in your classroom after hours, you decided to take a break from grading papers, so you grabbed your phone and fired up Twitter. After scrolling, liking, and retweeting plenty of tweets, you received a notification from the man himself.

Lin_Manuel Tweeted:

P-P-P-P-PRIZEO, P-P-P-P-PRIZEO, PRIZE-YO! New Prizeo contest; For just a Hamilton, you could win a chance to see a Saturday Matinee of Hamilton and to be treated to go on a date with yours truly! All the proceeds and entries will go towards helping Black and Hispanic communities along with helping bring separated families back together. P-P-P-P-PRIZEO, PRIZE-YO!

You smiled to yourself as you read his tweet- even through the phone screen, you could hear the enthusiasm in his voice. Another thing you loved about him was how passionate he was about the things he cared about and activism. It was no shock to anyone when he told off the orange president when Hurricane Maria hit Puerto Rico, hell, he was praised for it. Shrugging to yourself, you decided to enter and donate to the cause- it meant a lot to you too, and if you could POSSIBLY get a date with Lin-Manuel Miranda out of it too, then that’s a win-win situation for you.

-2 WEEKS LATER-

You opened the door to your apartment, exhausted from a long day of work, and you knew you had some writing deadlines to meet, so you became even more exhausted just thinking about them. Setting your bag down, you heard your phone go off in your purse and when you reached in and grabbed it, you didn’t recognize the phone number, so you let it go to voicemail. Less than a minute later, your phone rang again, and it was the same number, so you decided to answer to see who it was and, hopefully, get rid of them.

“Hello?”

“Hi! Is this [Y/N]?”

“Uh… yes, who is this?”

Instead of hearing a voice respond, you heard your phone start ringing again, but it was a FaceTime call instead, but from that same number. It was weird, but you decided to answer just to see what was up.

“Hello, hello, hello!” You stared at the screen in awe as Lin-Manuel Miranda himself popped up. Speechless, you simply smiled like there was no tomorrow, you really couldn’t believe that you were on FACETIME with LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA!

“It’s Lin Miranda, and I’m calling to tell you that you won!”

“Wait- I won? Won what?”

“The Prizeo contest, of course! You’re the winner! I’m taking YOU to see the Saturday Matinee of Hamilton next weekend!”

“Holy shit, that’s amazing! Wow! Oh my God, that’s- I can’t believe it!”


“Believe it, love! Prizeo will be in contact with you in these next few days to go over specific details and stuff, so stay tuned! I can’t wait to meet you!”

You felt your heart flutter as you heard the little nickname he called you. Secretly (you hoped), you blushed but when you saw the expression on Lin’s face, you knew you were doomed. He smiled at you, and it seemed like he felt the same…

Stop it, [Y/N], he’s just being nice! You thought to yourself, but you could have sworn he was looking at you as if you were the most beautiful thing you had ever seen, little did you know, that’s exactly what was happening to him.

“I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am for this! Heights was the first show I had ever seen live, and I was so blown away by it. When I heard Hamilton, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing- in a good way, of course. Your show is just so amazing, and the way you guys decided to cast the way you all did is just so amazing, and I-“

You stopped dead in the middle of your sentence as you looked at your screen. Lin was looking at you with such wonder and endearment, it made your heart swell. You hadn’t realized how much you were rambling, you were just so blown away by all of this, you couldn’t imagine how you would be when you were to meet in person.

“I’m so sorry, I was rambling, wasn’t I?”

“No worries! It’s all good. I actually loved that. You seem so passionate about all of this, it’s actually really nice and kinda cute.”

Did you hear him correctly? Did he just call you cute? You must have misheard him, surely he didn’t-

“[Y/N]? Are you alright?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry. I just totally dozed off there for a second. Anyway, I’m so excited to meet you next Saturday!”

“Me too! This is actually my personal number, so you can go ahead and save it so we can keep in touch.”

“Okay, great! So, I guess I’ll see you on Saturday?”

“Yup, see you then [Y/N]. Congratulations!”

As the call ended, your heart swelled. You couldn’t believe you actually WON! You were going to see Hamilton, but above that, you were going on a DATE with LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA. The sound of your phone receiving a text message interrupted your thoughts, and when you looked on the screen, you saw it was a text from Lin.

Lin-Manuel: Hey! It’s Lin, let’s talk about our date…

END OF PART ONE

PART TWO: THE DATE

[buckyreaderrecs]

So Far Away: Chapter 4/?

Summary:  Bucky Barnes doing what he does best. Saving. Loving. In this particular case, the object of both is you. (Bonus: Bucky Barnes happy, healing, doing really well!) Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. 

Chapter 4:  Sometimes the road to recovery is x-rays and pain killers. Sometimes, it's freeeeeesh ava ca doo.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader Characters: Bucky Barnes, F.R.I.D.A.Y., Cecilia Reyes Additional tags: mostly canon compliant (Infinity War and Endgame didn’t happen, Stark Tower still exists),  possible future smut (who knows, not me), she/her pronouns, more tags/characters to be added with future chapters, hero Bucky Barnes, canon typical violence, warzone/disaster zone setting, Alpine the cat, other Marvel characters mentioned but not central to the plot Warnings: possible triggers for anxiety, PTSD, grief

Note:  Hi! I am overwhelmingly grateful to everyone who has read this story, and heard my call for inspiration. Because of you, this chapter exists, and I have a better idea of where to take this story. Thank you all so, so much. Honestly. I hope you love this.

So Far Away Chapter 4/?

Waking up in such a soft and safe environment took a hot minute. The danger was so far away from you and comfort was so close. Slowly though, your eyes opened and you tried to sit up. Sloooow mooootion. But then, pain.

You'd apparently slept off the memory of your injured hand, leaning straight onto it. It hurt so badly that you felt dizzy, then quickly sick to your stomach.

Within seconds of hearing you cry out, Bucky was at your side. "Alright, come on, darl'. Knew we should've gone straight to the doc when we got 'ere," he said, the latter statement directed at himself.

Trying to shuffle to the edge of the huge bed was exhausting. Tears began to stream down your face, running over the flushing red skin. You were embarrassed, somehow feeling it through the intense pain.

"Can you stand?"

You could, albeit shaky and holding your arm close to your chest, terrified something would hit it.

Bucky pressed a hand to your lower back and ushered you gently from the suite.

In the elevator, he called to F.R.I.D.A.Y. "Tell me someone's up in med?"

"Dr Cho is in D.C. but has left Medical to Dr Reyes,"

"Okay. Tell her we're on our way," he asked.

"Already done,"

"Thanks, F.R.I.D.A.Y."

Bucky turned to you, watched you struggle to keep your eyes open. He frowned, then cupped your face in his hands. The vibranium was cool.

"You're gonna be okay, Y/N. I know it hurts, but trust me - I've seen worse."

He wasn't being dismissive, just trying to pull you from the pain for a second or two. It worked; you offered him a weak smile. Bucky leaned in and kissed the tip of your nose. You could smell toothpaste. He must have been in the middle of getting ready for the day when you woke up.

'Medical' was a whole floor. Research happened in the east wing, and the trauma centre existed in the west.

Dr Cecilia Reyes was ready, waiting for your arrival. "Barnes," she greeted. "You found her then,"

"Word travels fast, huh?"

"Oh, you know… Winter Soldier on a mission to find a girl. That kinda thing gets people talking," she replied with a smirk.

Bucky liked Cecilia. She was tough, raised in the Bronx. He liked that despite her power, she opted for a relatively normal life. She was good people.

"Well, welcome," she said to you, leading you to a private room. "I'm Dr Reyes. Heard you've banged up your hand pretty bad?"

"Yeah," you managed to squeak out.

"Scale of one to ten, how bad's the pain?"

Ten. Definitely. "Uh… Eight," you lied.

Cecilia snorted. "So at least a nine then? Don't need to be tough for me," she told you, smiling kindly. She nodded for Bucky to help you up onto the bed in the room.

"I was okay last night," you said to her.

"Probably still in a bit of shock. Had a rough couple of days. Body's smart. Guess it waited to tell you it needed help," she replied.

"Should've brought you here last night," Bucky said.

"Nah, Barnes. Sleep is the great healer. She's here now. Let's see what we've got."

An x-ray, backlit and brutal, showed a broken ring finger, broken thumb, and three breaks to your hand. Cecilia told you that all things considered, you were lucky; the breaks hadn't split skin, muscle, or tendon. She set a cast on your wrist, hand, and thumb, and stabilised your ring finger by splinting it to your pinky.

"If you want, we can just cut it off and you can get one of what he's got," she joked during the process.

"Hey! Too soon," Bucky said, feigning offence.

She rolled her eyes at him dramatically. "What, like 80 years or something?"

Bucky laughed, then smiled over at you. "It's all right, darlin'," he said, noticing your expression. "If I can't joke about it, what's it good for, you know?"

"In her case, it's good for some top tier pain meds. Here - take two as needed. No more than eight a day. With food is better. And for reference, a can of Pringles does not count as a meal,"

"That felt personal," Bucky said, eyes narrowing at Cecilia.

"Your diet is trash," she told him, matter of fact.

"Firstly, once you pop you can't stop. Even I know that. Secondly, how do you know about my diet, doll?"

"Doll me again, Barnes, and I'll-"

"What?" he interrupted. "Force field me to death?"

"Joke all ya want, but it can be done."

Bucky laughed again, fondly shaking his head at her. Cecilia held back a full grin.

"Force field?" you asked, sitting quietly, letting the fentanyl you'd been given before the x-ray seep into your body.

"I'll tell ya later," Bucky said, reaching out to fold stray hair behind your ear.

"Alright, need anything else? You're not-" Cecilia started.

"Nah, nah, I'm good. Thanks, Doc. We''ll get out cha' way."

They hugged like they meant it, and she left the room.

Bucky turned to you. "I'd decorate that thing for ya, but Steve's the artist," he said, nodding at your cast.

"S'okay," you whispered in reply.

"Fentanyl working then?"

Eyes closed, grinning, you nodded slowly. Bucky snorted.

"Good. Guess we'll get some food in you then,"

"Pringles?" you asked hopefully as Bucky held your hips, helping you slide off the bed.

"Whatever you want, darlin'."

People pretended not to watch you and Bucky leave the trauma centre. It's kinda what people did in Stark Tower - pretend not to see and know what they saw and knew.

"He's got a girlfriend" someone whispered.

"No, didn’t he, like, go full hero and save her or something?"

"Think we got more to worry about than who and what Bucky Barnes is doing," Cecilia said loudly to the room. She smiled though. Good for him, she thought to herself.

…

Before you really knew what was happening, Bucky was handing you an iPad.

"Sit. Ubereats us something," he said.

You were on the couch, back in Bucky's suite. Looking around, you felt that awe again - floor to ceiling windows with New York views will do that. There was a light, knitted blanket over you. It seemed out of place in the modern apartment setting.

For a good fifteen minutes since returning from the medical suite, you'd just been sitting there. Bucky had waited until you seemed more… coherent, to ask you to pick food.

"You know Ubereats?" you asked, smiling, proud of yourself.

Bucky snorted. "I know I'm old, but I'm not playing-bingo-with-senior-citizens old."

You laughed and for a second, forgot about everything.

"That being said," he added, "I did live through The Depression, and I do have a super soldier metabolism… So, you know, don't skimp on the food."

You wondered what his dinner of choice normally would be. Order history! It looked like Bucky was working his way through every takeout option in N.Y. Nothing repeated.

"Burrrrrrito?" you asked.

"Yeah, darl'. Whatever you want,"

"I waaaaant… freeeesh ava ca doo,"

"That the drugs talking?"

Mental note to self: show Bucky Barnes memes.

After the order was placed, you put the iPad on the coffee table in front of you. Bucky picked it up, shot you a grin, and disappeared for a while. You did consider following him - he felt like safety. But, you were slowly coming out of the fog of fentanyl and knew tagging along like a lost puppy probably would make you feel awkward more than anything.

Bucky's voice floated through… superhero stuff, you assumed. Busying yourself with finding the remote, then being startled by F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s offer of help ("Can I help you find something to watch?"), you managed to fill the time until Bucky returned without having to really think too much. There was a feeling sitting in the back of your mind and the bottom of your stomach that you wanted to keep ignoring for as long as possible. It seemed… bad. And you weren't ready for bad.

"Alright," Bucky said, coming to stand in front of you. "How we doing?"

You smiled, nodded. His expression shifted. Sceptical.

"Yeah? You sure?"

"Ah-huh," you confirmed.

"I'm just gonna run down and grab the food. Won't be a second."

The door clicked shut behind him, leaving you with only the television to keep you company. You tried to pay attention, focus on the show. But the volume was too loud, even on the lowest setting. It was agitating, stressful even. Switching it off, you were enveloped in silence.

Calm down, you told yourself. And yet, a heartbeat was pounding in your ears. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You could hear your own organs now?!

Suddenly, you found yourself at the window, looking down at the city. How can everyone… You were thinking too fast, spiralling. But how could you think of anything else? How could everyone down there just keep going? D.C. was still burning. People had died.

People.

Your people.

Everything - your head, the room, your world - began to spin.

Where's… Where's… Where the hell was a phone?

"Y/N," F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s voice alarmed you, coming out of nowhere, but not enough to make you jump. "I'm detecting an elevated heart rate. Can I help you with anything?"

"I… ah… You're just a machine," you muttered to yourself mostly. "Wait! No! Where's the phone?! I need a phone… I need to call…"

Call who? Who would you call first? What would you do if…

You didn't hear F.R.I.D.A.Y. tell you where to find a phone, or ask again if you were okay. You didn't hear her tell you Bucky was on his way up. As soon as he walked in, he knew what was happening.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., tell me next time," he said while putting the takeout on the suite's small round dining table. "Y/N," he called. He stood in your field of vision, but not too close. "Y/N? Can you hear me?"

"I'm… I need a phone," you said, voice frantic, pupils blown. "There's people…"

"We can do that. Phone's right here," Bucky told you, pulling his cell from his pocket and holding it out to you. When you didn't take it, he slid it back in and held a hand out to you instead. "Y/N, take my hand. We're gonna sit down. Don't want you to fall and break any more bones,"

"How many days has it been?" you asked, your words pushed together, the letters overlapping.

"I'm gonna come closer, okay? Coming to you." Bucky moved. When he could see it wasn't making it worse, he held on your good wrist, his other hand on your waist, and walked you to the couch. You followed along, mindlessly compliant. "It's been five days. Not everyone will be on the lists yet, but we'll call, yeah? Or, we can get F.R.I.D.A.Y. to do it for us."

You were sort of nodding, but were still finding it hard to focus. Bucky waited another few moments, watching and assessing, before deciding he needed to intervene further.

He put his left hand on your face, cupping the cool metal to your skin. Gently but firmly, he turned you to face him.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" he asked, raising his right hand.

"What?"

He repeated the question.

"Three," you answered, dismissive and maybe even a little annoyed.

"Good. Now?"

"Five. What are you doing?"

"Now?"

"Two! What are you doing?!"

"Distracting you," Bucky said. "Making your mind work on a task that isn't just panicking,"

"I'm not panicking," you told him.

"Not now, 'cause it worked. You're still not breathing properly though,"

"I'm fine,"

"F.R.I.D.A.Y.?" Bucky called.

She spoke, "Your heart rate is still elevated, Y/N, and-"

"Okay, I get it," you stopped her.

"Just take a couple breaths with me. Don't need 'em to be deep. Just hold them for a couple seconds."

As he called it, you took a breath in, two, three, out, two, three. You managed to do it twice before shaking your head and wriggling in your spot.

"I'm not- I just-" and you were off again, rambling about people, phones, and things you needed to do.

You went to stand, but Bucky grabbed you around the middle, pulling you down. Your back was to him, pressed to his chest, while his arms were wrapped around you. He would have let go if you fought him or cried out. But, you were limp and quiet almost immediately.

As you clung to his arms, he rested his head on your shoulder and made soft hushing sounds. Bucky waited patiently until your breathing regulated. You had closed your eyes and let your entire weight rest on him.

"I know how you feel. You're exhausted. Makes everything feel… bigger. But I promise you, it's gonna be okay," he told you, voice calm. Calming.

"You can't promise that," you replied, voice weak.

"I reckon if anyone can - it's me. Had a lot of life experience. And, got a lot of resources. Superhero perks," he laughed, trying to lighten your mood. "You trust me?" he asked, to which you nodded. "Good. So, trust me. I've got you. And right now, we've got some burritos that need eatin', and you need to tell me what freesh ava ca doo is."

Hearing the words come out of his mouth was entirely ridiculous and you couldn't help but snort. It left a smile on your face.

"There she is! Come on. Up!”

Chapter 5.

Tag list (open): @animegirlgeeky @bubbabarnes @browngirlmagic @lookalivefrosty @aynaraxas @vibraniumwitch @the–sad–hatter @grecianlune @fairislesheets 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #332

i’m even more tired than before to try and think up song lyrics, i’m pasting from Word and then fucking off to bed lmao.

What was the last video message you received on your phone? I think it was a clip of Doris (Sara's beardie) eating and just being her perfect self? Was your last birthday cake homemade or store bought? Store-bought. One thing you miss about middle school? Shit, nothing. Middle school was the worst. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people? No. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. Would you ever pierce yourself? No. I am very much about having a professional do your body mods/art. Plus, I have tremors in my hands. Do you live in a safe neighbourhood? Supposedly. We haven't lived here nearly long enough to know. What is the last thing you did that shocked someone? /shrug Do you often find yourself questioning your future? Only always. Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? Yeah. Do you like your license photo? I hate my permit picture. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favorite? Not very, but I like 'em enough. I always say my favorite is Deadpool, but I know he's technically an anti-hero, but whatever. If you don't include him, uhhhh... maybe Spiderman. Have you started watching any new TV shows recently? No. Have you ever been able pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin? No. :( At least, not to my recollection. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. There's actually a winter treat 'round here that you make with snow and sugar called snow cream. Good stuff. What is the messiest area in your home? Right now, the spare room/my wanna-be "office." What’s your favorite computer game genre? Still horror, like video games. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? I'm completely financially dependent on them still. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I eat like, stupid fast, but without being messy. People *cough*Mom*cough* will absolutely point it out, but I seriously can't help it. Making a conscious effort to eat slow feels way too weird. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? I don't know. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Tell me what's on your mind? I've been considering yet again reaching out to some tattoo parlors and asking if they're open to hiring someone to handle the front desk and take care of business besides actually performing piercing and tattooing, given my tremors. My group therapy has kinda been encouraging me to use the possibility for social exposure, and besides, I'm very comfortable in the environment and just general aura of tat parlors. I'm sure I'd have to answer the phone, handle money, and obviously talk to costumers, but I know and accept that. I've been at such a stagnant point with my social anxiety in particular that I have to start pushing back harder, and doing this I feel would be one of the most relaxed, social job positions I can hopefully handle. I don't dare to even try this though until I get vaccinated to protect my immunocompromised mom. Writing this all out has actually been pretty encouraging about this idea... Do you wish you never dated someone you dated? Yeah, Tyler. It was such a "I'm lonely and he was nice in high school, so we'll try it" situation. I got nothing from it. Are you scared of growing old alone? Pretty badly. What are you listening to right now? I'm listening to/semi-watching John Wolfe play the remaster of Resident Evil 2. What breed was the last dog you saw? He was a German shepherd. Would you ever go swimming during a thunderstorm? No. Any time a thunderstorm was brewing and I was in the pool, I'd always get out. What is the next concert you will attend? Mom and I plan to see Ozzy when/if he reschedules his tour after he had to cancel with his Parkinson's diagnosis. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :/ What's the highest science class you have taken? I don't know, actually. What makes you squeal like a school girl? No shame, seeing Mark and Amy do something cute together actually does this, lmao. What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) Do fictional ones count? Because in that case, the Halo of the Sun from the Silent Hill franchise. I'm getting it tattooed somewhere at some point, I'm thinking the left side of my neck. I'm either gonna fashion it in a way where it looks branded on or carved into me. Have you ever been on anti depressants? For all of my pre-teen, teen, and some of my adult life. Apparently, I've only had one truly educated psychiatrist out of no less than a dozen I'd seen, because he fixed me right up. He taught me that those who suffer from bipolarity should avoid anti-depressants; they ramp up your bipolar symptoms. Instead, mood stabilizers are favorable. And what do you know, after I was prescribed a stabilizer and a catalyst for that medication, my depression decreased dramatically and became handleable. Have you ever starved yourself? Kinda. What’s the stupidest name you’ve ever given a pet? I had a guinea pig named Harry Potter. For no particular reason lmao. I'm not even a Harry Potter fan. Do you have nice legs? God no. Do you like fedoras? Okay so I know I am in the strong minority, but I actually do, haha. What is your favorite food group? Carbs. @_@ Have you ever got told that you should be a model? No, but one of the most flattering indirect compliments I've ever gotten was being mistaken for one. Jason's phone wallpaper was one of my favorite pictures of myself with my first snake, and someone asked him if I was a model. ;v;' What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? "Donaukinder" by Rammstein is one of my faves. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? SOBS Darkiplier bc his origins are so damn tragic and unfair. What book do you think should be directed as a film? Was The Giver ever made into one? I don't remember that book well, but I do recall it being absolutely beautiful. Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? Yeah. I have thousands on the Silent Hill wiki, where I'm one of the admins. I'm also a content moderator at the Team Ico (Shadow of the Colossus devs) one. Every now and again I used to go on the meerkats wiki as well, where I mainly fixed the fucking nightmarish grammar. Very briefly, I edited at the Dragons of Atlantis wiki as well. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? Not very, but of course I still acknowledge the risk and am more conscious of hand washing and stuff. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, I don't actually use my Twitter, I don't have a personal Instagram... There may be more, idk. Is TikTok a "social media platform?" Because I don't have that, either. What was the name of the first porcelien doll you got? Never had one, given I was afraid of dolls as a kid. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "Decode." Would you be happy with a life without romance? To be entirely honest, I'd feel like I was missing something. Was your childhood happy? Mostly. What fundamentally matters do you? Love, kindness, peace, all that gooey stuff. Is true world peace ever possible? As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think so. The human population is far too big to come to a unanimous agreement on anything. Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yeah. Would you ever own a pet black widow spider? No. I'm getting more into the idea of owning invertebrates (I jabber enough about wanting tarantulas, and there are others, like mantises, I'm interested in as pets), but black widows, I'm not into the idea of having. Too venomous for me to be comfortable risking. If you have a job, what is the longest shift that you've worked? N/A Do you know all of the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody?" FUCK YES I DO. ^ Do you sing it with all of the different voices? sho nuff Do you own more than one copy of a certain book? No. Do you like interpreting poetry or just reading it for fun? Both. I love symbolism, so I get joy out of digging for subtle meanings in poems. Do you have a favorite Dr. Suess book? Yeah, it was always Green Eggs and Ham. Do you watch The Walking Dead? If so, favorite character? Not the show, but I've watched let's plays of the games, haha. In which case Clementine is inarguably one of the best female characters in a video game universe. Who has/had the most mature romantic relationship you’ve seen with your own eyes? Uhhh. I mean I never saw them much, but probably my late grandmother and her last husband. He was fucking incredible to her, and Grammy adored him as well. They helped each other so much and just obviously had the purest love between them. When was the last time you got something for free (legally)? What was it & have you enjoyed it so far? Lmao do balls in Pokemon GO count? Their occasional free boxes are the reason I can play the game because PokeStops are essentially non-existent here, so yes. What is the one fruit you can’t stand to eat? How about vegetable? The first one that came to me were oranges. I enjoy orange juice, but I just caaaaannot with the white veiny shit that you can't totally get off when peeling it. Without that, I might actually enjoy them, but idk. As for vegetable, asparagus is absolutely abhorrent. When’s the last time you actually recited the pledge? If you aren’t American, do/did you have anything similar in your country that you do during a time at school? Probably not since high school. Last person you shared food with? Ummm I have no idea. It's really just Mom and me here and we eat our own stuff. What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I believe it waaas... "Down In The Park" by Marilyn Manson, maybe. If your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song? My inner high school emo just screamed "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Gahdamn, there's a lot. I don't feel like going through a mental list in my head and then describing why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? Vol'jin; I think the entire WoW fanbase will forever be pissed about it. It was THE most "lul we dunno what 2 do w/ him anymore, let's let a totally random, unnamed, unimportant demon kill him" like what the fuck, Blizz. Most of his "oomph" was in the book, and I just really wish they'd done so much more with him in the game. Has anything “cute” happened in the past week? Off the top of me noggin, no. When did you last say “I love you”? Did you mean it? Yesterday to Sara. OF course I did. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Hi, PTSD, how are ya. Have you ever slept all day? Essentially. When I was on a larger dose of my anxiety med, I physically couldn't stay up for barely even five minutes, and when I'd lie back down, boom, I was OUT. I stayed on that dosage for I think just that one day, it was so bad. Can you have kids? Well, I have a functioning menstrual cycle, so I would assume so. Doesn't mean I will, though. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Only black. Do you like eating sour things? Hell yeah, I love sour stuff, candy in particular. Do you like pickles? fuuuuck yeah Did you ever have a really close friend move away? Yeah, in elementary school. I feel bad I can't remember her name at the moment... What's the most creative thing you've ever done? I mean, I guess the things I've written in RP. What's the most creative thing someone has done for you? For me? I don't really know. Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows? Sure, they're some of my favorites. What’s something you’d like to be better at? Social interaction. Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad? Yeah. Do you think you would make a good parent? No. I know I wouldn't. The only time I ever wanted kids was with Jason, and honestly, I really hope I don't end up with a man because I never want to deal with that urge again and make a mistake. I'm just in no way emotionally fit to be a mother. How many best friends do you have? Just one. What do you cry over the most? My PTSD, honestly. I never sob about it anymore, just shed some tears. What language did/do you take in high school? Latin for one semester, then all four available for German. Which sports do you follow? None. Who was the last person you talked about marriage or having kids with? About marriage, Sara. Kids, the subject was lightly touched upon with Girt, though "with" was never a part of it, but obviously implied seeing as we were dating with long-term in mind. Have you ever been in a house fire? No, thankfully. Have you ever made out for one straight hour? them is rookie numbers Are you any good at remembering phone numbers? No. I literally don't even know my own, nor my mother's. I need to fix that. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt. Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? No. If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? Save it to go towards Venus' terrarium. Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? Well of course! I'm unashamed to watch any "kids" movie I enjoy, like Disney ones. Most "kids" movies tend to be better than those intended for adults, it seems... Are you afraid of mice? Oh no, I adore mice and I think had a pair as pets before I got rats. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I can't really answer this; I haven't gone on nearly enough vacations to develop a theme. I can say confidently though it'd probably be something small. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't enjoy musicals. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? One or two with Sara, yes. I know we at least watched the weeping angels episode. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Warriors by S.E. Hinton. Sometimes I wanna get back into them, but I am YEARS behind and more into Wings of Fire anyway, so. I don't read nearly enough for both. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Literally no trick seems to work for me. I just suffer lmao.

[bethhxrmon]

do flowers exist at night? -chapter four

Chapter Four: Attempts in Babysitting

Pairing: Steve Harrington x OC

Chapter Summary: After Steve’s failed attempt to get Nancy back, he and Annie have much larger problems on their plate brought to their attention by none other than Dustin Henderson.

Word Count: 4.4k

Warnings: Swearing, inaccurate dialogue

A/N: We’re really getting into season 2 territory! It’s kinda difficult to figure out how to divide these chapters, but I figured it out. If you enjoyed this, please let me know, I absolutely love getting feedback! If this is you need the other parts of this series, you can find them here.

~*~*~*~

Annie was quick to step out of the car to find out what was going on. Though, whatever the kid’s name was, she was quick to recognize him. It was hard to not remember the curly hair and that hat.

"Woah, what's going on here?" she asked, running up to Steve and the kid.

The curly haired kid huffed, "Why do you have some random chick here with you?"

"Hey, I’ve got a name! Hold up, you're the asshole who told me my house was haunted!" she exclaimed.

He ignored the comment, "Come on, Steve, I need the bat! We gotta go now!"

With that, the kid proceeded to continue yelling about how they needed to leave as he rushed into the passenger seat of the car. Annie scoffed, rolling her eyes as she was forced to take the backseat. The nerve of this child truly astonished her.

"Wait, what's going on, Dustin?" Steve asked as he drove off.

The kid took a deep breath, "I think I found a baby Demogorgan and I accidentally kept it as a pet."

"A what now?" Annie asked, interjecting, "Does anyone wanna explain what just happened?"

Steve sighed, "Annie, meet Dustin. Dustin, meet Annie. She's dealing with something that I think might be the Upside Down."

"Wait, that's what you call it? Why, though?" she asked.

Her comment was ignored as Dustin continued to go on about some monster that he didn't expect. Whatever was going on was now completely beyond her. It seemed Steve was taken aback as well. Maybe having two inter-dimensional issues in one day was a bit on the unbelievable side. What was more unbelievable was that she was older than this kid and she had to sit in the middle of the backseat so she could sit up closer to hear what was going on over the music Steve was playing.

Dustin glared at her, "Steve, she can't know this stuff."

"She's a part of this stuff. I can't take her home. We'll just go see what you're talking about and go from there," Steve insisted.

What was eating this kid was beyond her. Instead, she just wanted to know what was really going on. Something which she only had the vaguest idea of. Neither guy seemed keen on elaborating about what they were dealing with. That only left her with a sick feeling in her stomach.

Annie huffed, "Hey, it's me, the girl who's involved all this stuff. Are you guys gonna elaborate on what the hell 'this stuff' is supposed to mean? Or am I just supposed to sit back here and shut up?"

"Would that be too hard for you to do?" Dustin asked.

"Hey, can you two get along for five minutes? Where're we going?" Steve asked, looking over at Dustin.

"You've got the nail bat on you?"

"Yeah, in the trunk, always have."

"Why the fuck do you have a nail bat in your trunk?!" Annie exclaimed.

Steve sighed, "Yes, I've got a nail bat in my trunk. That's not the point. Where am I driving?"

"My house. It's in the cellar."

"And you're sure that... that this thing isn't just a lizard?"

"Yes, Steve, I'm sure it's not a lizard."

"But how do you know?"

"Because it grew and I caught it eating my cat!" Dustin yelled.

Steve stayed quiet for a few moments, "Oh... oh, yeah, yep, okay."

The remainder of the drive stayed completely silent aside from the music playing in the background. Most likely due to Steve not knowing what to say next and because Annie wasn't sure what to do with most of the information in front of her. What kind of monsters just appeared and grew and ate cats? Were those the things crawling over her earlier that day? She tried to not wonder too much despite wishing someone would spell out what was going on to her.

Since it was the middle of autumn, the sky was starting to darken earlier and earlier. By the time the three of them made it to Dustin's, it was pretty dark outside. Steve parked in the driveway and the three of them got out. They were first led to the doors of the cellar which were locked shut.

"I swear if this is some Halloween prank..." Steve warned, clutching the bat in his hands.

Dustin shook his head, "It's not."

"Wait!" Steve stopped himself from banging on the door to turn to Annie, "Why don't I get a nail bat or something?"

Steve shrugged, "You really think you can take it?"

"Well, if you get eaten alive, I don't wanna be next," she retorted, crossing her arms.

He sighed, "Okay, Dustin, get her something from your shed."

The kid came back a couple moments later with a pitchfork. Annie took it, holding it and trying to gauge its weight and how she could use it. This couldn't be too different from the stage combat class she took a couple of years before. Well, aside from the fact that if she screwed up she would wind up dead.

"I can work with this," she said, holding it almost like she would a broadsword.

Steve went ahead and unlocked the cellar door and opened it, his movements hesitant as he did so. The door was open and Annie clutched the handle of her pitchfork, her grip tight. She was unsure of what to expect, but she was mentally preparing herself for anything.

Nothing. There was only the dark stairway that led down to the cellar. Dustin was more than happy to let Steve go down first. Annie followed close behind Steve. While she didn't want to admit she almost tried to hide behind him, she did just that.

Only, when the pair got down, there was still nothing. No monster to speak of. She looked around, almost prepared for something to burst out of the wall and attack them like the kool-aid man. Steve picked up something gross and slimy from the ground.

Annie slowly walked toward a massive hole in the wall, "Um... do you think that's always been there?"

"Holy shit," Steve murmured before rushing back to the bottom of the stairs, asking for Dustin to come down.

Once Dustin was down with the pair, they were able to come to the conclusion that Dart had dug out of the cellar. As tempted as Annie was, the guys didn't let her go into the tunnels herself. Though, it seemed that those things had to lead somewhere. Maybe it was best to not find out. Nothing good could possibly come out of wherever it led.

Unsure of the next move, Dustin ran in to tell his mom that he was spending the night with one of his friends. Surely with putting their heads together, the three of them could come up with something. That was the hope as the three of them piled back into Steve's car. Dustin somehow managed to snag shotgun from Annie yet again. How she was losing to some annoying middle schooler was beyond her.

Soon enough, the three of them were sprawled about Steve's living room. Dustin laid across the couch while Annie managed to snag the recliner which left Steve on the floor. None of them had it in themselves to actually eat dinner.

"Well, we know they like blood," Steve suggested, "Maybe if we got some raw meat or something? That would draw them in, right?"

Dustin rolled his eyes, "I'm telling you, some nougat would be the way to go."

"Maybe for whatever creepy relationship you had with Dart, but there's more than one. We know that. If blood worked before, that's probably the best way to go," Annie said, her knees tucked up to her chest.

The conversation went around in circles for forever. At least, until they decided on going to the butcher's first thing in the morning. Hopefully, Dustin would be able to get to some of his friends involved. Not that Annie was sure how a bunch of thirteen-year-olds were going to help, but this was their only option given that the sheriff was nowhere to be found.

Eventually, Dustin wound up conking out on the couch. That left just Annie and Steve to their own devices. It was silent for a good while. After the last few months, Annie wasn't sure if she really liked the quiet all that much. And in the new setting, even with Erik roaming around the house, she couldn't help feeling like the whole place was disquieting.

She was the first to break the silence, "I'm sorry you didn't get to talk to Nancy."

"It's um... it's whatever, I'll get to it eventually. We've gotten back from worse," he said, running a hand through his hair, "I'm sorry you had to deal with all this. You know, if this is too much for you-"

"I'm stopping you right there," Annie said softly, "You're not going through this alone, okay? And no, Dustin doesn't count. He's smart, but he's pretty much a child."

Steve shook his head, "I'm serious, this is serious shit. It's like... could get you killed level of serious."

"All the more reason to stick around. Steve, you're my only friend in this shitty town. Now, I'm not gonna say I know how to actually fight with a monster, but I know how to use that pitchfork. Just trust me on this," she said, slipping down from the recliner to sit next to Steve against the coffee table.

He let out a small sigh, "You're sure?"

"Well, knowing the context of all this would be nice."

"Okay... you've heard of Will Byers, right?"

A long while later and Annie knew all the events that took place in Hawkins just a year prior. How Will Byers vanished into an alternate dimension and almost died. More importantly, Steve's involvement and how he obviously blamed himself for a death that had nothing to do with him. All of it leading up to the truth behind what happened on Halloween. The fact that Nancy tried to make him feel culpable made her blood boil. Whether she was drunk or not, Annie wasn’t sure how Steve was so forgiving.

She frowned, crossing her arms, "It's not your fault, you know."

"What's not?"

"Everything with Barb. It's not your fault that she was at a party you kind of invited her to. And it's not your fault that she left either. More importantly, it's not your fault that she died that way. You did nothing wrong, Steve. A monster did that, a monster you couldn't have possibly known about. Nancy's wrong about all that."

"What if she isn't?"

Annie turned to face Steve properly, "She is. Sure, maybe you were a dick a year ago, but that's not a crime. Your douchebaggery had nothing to do with Barb dying. I'm sure you never wanted her dead."

"No, never... fuck I just... I feel awful about it, but I couldn't tell anyone. I'm sure you won't be able to tell anyone after this is over either," he replied.

She let out a small yawn, "That's fine, but it's not like you're in this alone now."

"Yeah, I guess not. You should get some sleep though..."

It took almost no time for Annie to pass out. The events of the day were exhausting in their own oddly cruel way. She had nothing to do other than pass out. Though, she suddenly snapped awake right as the sun was starting to come up. It took her a moment to realize she fell asleep on Steve's shoulder. Not wanting any remarks from Dustin, she carefully made her way over to the recliner again.

This time when she woke up, it was because Dustin was shaking her awake. They had to get up and get started on their plan.

Steve groaned as he got up from where he sat, "Can you give us five more minutes?"

All Dustin gave them time for was a sorry excuse of a granola bar for breakfast and a few minutes to get ready. He didn't even give time for them to change clothes. So Annie spent her time brushing her hair and teeth. The nerve of this kid was more than likely going to be the death of her.

Dustin finally got a hold of his friend Lucas as the three of them grabbed the things they needed. The guys decided to throw the meat around and Annie was carrying her weapon and the gasoline.

Asking the butcher for a bunch of raw beef had been something Annie thought would derail the plan. However, they were given exactly what they needed without question. It made her wonder what else the guy had to give out to people.

She walked right behind Steve and Dustin as they tossed the meat along the train tracks. This was supposed to lead to the junkyard. Then, there was supposed to be a bus that they could reinforce so they could safely light Dart on fire. Whether that would actually work or not was beyond her. However, it was the one plan that all three of them were able to agree on.

Dustin was going on more about Dart since Steve asked. A story that was pretty much beyond both her and Steve. It was more lost on her since she woke up to those things crawling all over her. The last thing on her mind was keeping one for a pet. They were disgustingly slimy.

"So... you kept this thing to impress a girl?" Steve asked.

Dustin shrugged, "I guess."

"And what made you think that would work?"

"It's a new species, an inter-dimensional slug! It's awesome, who wouldn't be impressed by that?"

Steve sighed as he tossed another piece of meat on the ground, "Kid, I hate to break it to you, but that's not how you impress girls."

"Yeah, well we don't all have your hair," Dustin said.

Annie let out a laugh, knowing for a fact Steve spent more time on his hair than she did on hers that morning. In all fairness, there was something to be said for that. He looked good. Then again, he always had. The girls in her classes would not stop talking about that.

Steve rolled his eyes, "It's not about the hair. The trick with girls is just acting like you don't care."

"That's the shittiest idea I've heard in the last day," Annie remarked.

Ignoring the response he got, Steve went into how there would be a sexual electricity and that there were two types of girls. The kind who liked to have something fast and intense. Then, there were the girls who liked it when the guy went slow and stealthy. Like a ninja. Annie listened as the two of them talked, and she kept her shut when Dustin asked about Nancy. Although, there were plenty of things she had to say about that. Especially when Steve claimed Nancy was different.

Except, she wasn't different. Not really. And in all fairness, Annie wasn't sure that she was all that different from Nancy when it would come down to it. She wasn't all that different from most girls. Sure, maybe not every girl read at the rate she currently did, but she wouldn't be reading that much if she actually had someone to talk to. The point was, Nancy was just as much like the other girls at the school as she was. That would take too much to explain, though, so she kept her mouth shut.

Steve looked at Dustin, "Hold on, you're not falling in love with this girl are you?"

"What? No," he replied.

"Okay, good," he nodded, "'Cause she's only gonna break your heart and you're way too young for that shit."

"You know, giving shitty advice because your love life's going downhill isn't going to do anyone any good," Annie said, unable to keep her mouth shut, "Sorry... but if you really  wanna be with a girl, you have to find out what she likes and what you guys have in common. If a girl plays some stupid game of pretending to not care, it's not worth it."

Steve glared at her, "And you know so much about this stuff?"

"Um yeah, believe it or not I've had some experience. Plus, I'm a girl. Kinda makes my advice better by default since I know how girls actually work."

There was a pause between all of them. Annie knew she shouldn't have said anything about Nancy. It wasn't fair, but the advice Steve was giving was awful. That was how guys tried to treat her in the past and it always ended up hurting her more than it ever hurt the guy. She wasn't about to go into that, though. No one needed to know.

"Farbergé," Steve finally said.

"What?"

"Fabergé organics, that's what I use," he said, tossing another piece of meat, "And when your hair's damp. Not wet, damp."

"Damp."

"You do four puffs of the Farrah Fawcett spray. Now, you tell anyone I just told you that, and your ass is grass, you're dead" he said before looking back at Annie, "That goes for you too, Hardwick."

Annie laughed, "You use the same stuff that my mom does. Not that it's bad or anything, it's cute, actually."

"Farrah Fawcett?" Dustin asked, shaking his head.

Steve shrugged, "I mean, she's hot."

After what felt like forever and a few different conversations later, the trio were in front of the junkyard. It was sunny, but Annie could already feel the breeze starting to bite through her green flannel. She hadn't thought to bring her jacket when she had been rushing to leave the house.

Steve took off his glasses, "This will work... Yeah, this will work just fine. Nice job, Henderson."

While Steve and Dustin put the last of the beef in a pile, a boy biked up with a girl on the back. With how the kids all looked at each other, Annie couldn't help thinking that this was the girl Dustin had been talking about.

They were arguing about the girl knowing about all this. That was when Lucas pointed to Annie.

"You told some random chick!" Lucas exclaimed.

"I didn't! Steve did!" Dustin yelled.

Annie waved her arms, "Hey, I'm literally right here. And for your information, I'm just as involved in this as everyone else. Give me a break."

The boys were more intent on arguing than helping to fortify the bus. Instead of worrying about them, Annie went over to a piece of metal that the redhead girl was trying to pick up.

"Here, let me help you out," Annie said, bending down to make it a bit easier.

The girl gave a small smile, "Thanks... um are you in on this prank?"

Annie helped to get the metal against the bus, "I wish it were a prank. Kinda hard to think that when I woke up and these slug things were crawling all over me yesterday."

"What?"

"Yeah, I guess they're from some other dimension and my house is kinda flip flopping dimensions or whatever," Annie sighed as they got another slab of metal to board up the windows of the bus.

Max shook her head, "I don't get why you're trying so hard... hey, you're kinda new here right?"

"Um... yeah, unfortunately. Why?"

"Nothing... just, heard about you or whatever. Being new kinda sucks."

Annie laughed, "I'll drink to that."

"So are your only friends really that Harrington guy and Dustin?"

"Pretty much."

Within a couple hours, Max and Annie wouldn't stop talking as they got the bus ready. There wasn't much time for conversation seeing as the sun was going down earlier and earlier every day, but the two of them were getting a lot done. So once Dustin and Lucas finally decided to help, the sun was going to start heading down soon.

By the time it was sunset, the gasoline was poured and they were all in the bus. Lucas had decided to scout the area, keeping an eye out for Dart. Wherever that monster could possibly be.

After an outburst between Dustin and Max, she left to go on the roof with Lucas. Annie watched as Steve played with his lighter and she also messed with the pocket knife she had in the pocket of her overalls.

"Hold up, you had that the whole time?" Steve asked.

Annie shrugged, "Yeah, why? You think I could use just this against some... glorified Audrey II?"

"Wait a what?"

"Audrey II? You know, Little Shop of Horrors, the musical?" she asked, "You know, 'little shop, little shop of horrors, little shop, little shop...' huh guess it’s just me."

Both Steve and Dustin stared at her.

"You guys need to get out more."

That was when Lucas screamed about the monster. Annie, Steve, and Dustin were all pressed against each other as they all tried to get a look. Sure enough, there it was. She didn't even know how to describe it as the thing walked around the pile of meat.

Steve shook his head, "It's not taking the bait. Why isn't it taking the bait?"

"Maybe it smells the gasoline?" Annie suggested.

He sighed, "Or maybe it's just tired of cow."

Annie's eyes widened as he went to pick up the bat.

"Wait, what're you doing?" Annie and Dustin asked at the same time.

Steve sighed, tossing the lighter to Annie, "Just light it up when the time's right and keep the kids safe."

Then, Steve turned and went out of the bus. There was no way there was just one of those things. That was too good to be true. Annie shook her head.

"'Keep the kids safe' my ass," Annie muttered before putting the lighter in Dustin's hands, "You got this, okay?"

Annie grabbed the pitchfork and slipped out of the bus quietly. Her heart was pounding out of her chest and her throat felt tight. What was she doing? This was dangerous and could easily get her killed, but she didn't care. Lucas started shouting about another one of the monsters and Annie rushed towards it, going to fight them off.

Steve and Annie were surrounded in no time, and Dustin was screaming for them to get back in. Everything was such a blur of lunging and stabbing that Steve had to tug her towards the bus.

There wasn't much for Annie to comprehend other than that she was sure she stabbed some of those monsters as Steve pulled her back into the bus. He was screaming something, and she was sure it was because she followed him out when he didn't want her to, but she didn't listen. Even when back in the safety of the bus, there wasn't a chance to say anything.

The monsters were trying to get into the bus and for a moment she could only watch in horror. Annie couldn't tell if she was screaming or if that was one of the kids.

"Annie, get it, do something!" Steve yelled before she stabbed at another one of the monsters trying to get in through the windows.

Steve threw a sheet of metal at the door to keep them out. It was quiet for a moment, but then there were thumps coming from the top of the bus. Annie's blood ran cold as she realized there was a way in through the top. They were done for. There were far too many monsters for just her and Steve to take care of.

Max was near the opening at the roof of the bus. Right as the monster appeared and opened its mouth in an odd venus flytrap way, she and Steve ran in front of the kids. This was it. Getting in front of the kids was going to be in vain, Annie knew that. She was sure Steve was aware too. That didn't stop him from yelling in the screaming creature's face.

All of a sudden, there wasn't any screaming. The monster's mouth closed and its head turned up towards the sky. Then, it turned around and left with the rest of the monsters. Annie let out a deep breath, realizing that they weren't dead yet.

"Do you think Steve scared it off?" Lucas asked as all of them slowly filed out of the bus.

Steve stepped out into the night, shaking his head, "No... no way, they're going somewhere."

Unsure of where that place was, all of them tried to follow anyway. The kids were a little bit in front, leaving Annie with only Steve to talk to. That was, if she could manage to comprehend what she just went through.

"So... are we really about to take these kids with us?" Annie asked.

He shrugged, "I guess. If we didn't, they would just follow us. These kids are persistent little shits. It's better they have someone to protect them."

"Because we did such a great job?"

"Hey, we did our best and you know it," he insisted.

The conversation didn't go any further because Dustin and Lucas were starting to argue. Steve didn't help by only confirming that Dustin did keep Dart.

Annie rolled her eyes, "If you guys don't get your shit together, then we're all going home right now, get it?!"

A shrieking in the distance stopped all of them from saying anything more. For a moment, Annie thought she screwed all of them over, but nothing came. They ended up following the noise out to a clearing. The monsters were going to the lab. A place Annie only knew about due to Steve telling her the night before.

It was a long walk, one where none of them really said anything. If nothing else, because they all knew that nothing good could come of all this. She was leading these kids into something more dangerous than she could even understand. How Steve was doing it without hesitation was beyond her. Maybe he wasn't thinking. It seemed like he was almost on autopilot the whole time.

They were soon getting closer to the lab and Annie heard someone calling out to them. Much to her surprise, it was none other than Nancy and Jonathan.

"Steve?" they both asked before Nancy looked at Annie, "Who're you?"

"Um I'm Annie," she replied, clutching onto her pitchfork.

There wasn't a whole lot of time for introductions as the lab seemed to be overrun with those monsters just as thought. It meant there wasn't even a chance for Annie to feel sorry for Steve as she started to put together Nancy's lack of jealousy and the way she looked at Jonathan. Especially when she was being thrown into a police cruiser minutes later.

Tag List (please let me know if you’d like to be added!): @dungeons-and-demodogs​ @ilovebucketbarnes​ @jxnehxpper​

[calpalirwin]

Phone Screens

Summary: Online relationships don’t make the feelings any less real

A/N: Wanted to try my hand at a dialogue heavy piece. Let me know how I did.

Content: Friends to lovers? I dunno.

Word Count: 3.3k

And away, and away we go!

__

drumming_heartbeats: Hey…

jetblackrose: Hi!

drumming_heartbeats: Saw your post about how you met Ashton. That musta been cool, yeah?

jetblackrose: Oh, it was hella cool! I was like super fuckin nervous and he was so chill about it. Honestly probably shouldn’t have fangirled as hard as I did lol. 

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, why do you say that?

jetblackrose: I’ve only been a fan for like less than a year lol. I know people have been a fan for years and still haven’t gotten the chance to meet him, or any of the other members so yeah. Feel like I haven’t done my time yet or something. It’s stupid.

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, that’s not stupid. That’s actually really cool. Your picture with him is fucking adorable btw.

jetblackrose: Aw thanks, lovely! How’d you become a 5sos fan? Assuming you are one?

drumming_heartbeats: Lol! My friend got me into them. But yeah, been a fan for awhile. I’m Tom btw. 

jetblackrose: Ooo a boy fan! Sick! Nice to meet ya Tom. I’m Gen. 

drumming_heartbeats: Shocking I know, but us guy fans do exist, lol. So I take it from the looks of your blog Ash is your favorite?

jetblackrose: I mean… I love them all equally for different reasons. But yeah, Ash is my fav. Something about that cheeky lil grin he does. And he’s so… I dunno, more mindful than the rest? Like they’re all dorks, don’t get me wrong. But he also gives off an old soul vibe I really connect with too if that makes sense. 

jetblackrose: Lol, sorry for rambling. 

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, it’s cute. And I totally get it. He definitely does seem to have that wisdom that comes from going through some heavy shit. 

jetblackrose: Rightfully so. I mean, he seems pretty open about the shit he’s gone through. And the fact that it’s only seemed to make him a kinder person is part of why I love him so much. 

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah. Like it’s very easy to let the demons win and give into the bitterness of it all. But he seems like a happy dude, so good for him. 

jetblackrose: Good for him indeed! Like all I want in life is for that man to be happy. Like, we all deserve that, but him especially. God, that sounds dumb doesn’t it? That I can feel so attached to someone I maybe talked to for like 5 minutes. Like I know realistically he will probably never recall our encounter or think twice about it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t wish him happiness all the same I suppose. Sorry… rambling again. 

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, that’s not dumb at all. If anything I think it shows how caring of a person you are. Which the world could use a lot more of.

jetblackrose: Lol, thanks! You’re sweet to think that. But it’s definitely dumb lol. 

drumming_heartbeats: Not even the slightest. Fuck, I’m about to pass out. Talk later?

jetblackrose: You know where to find me. Night-o!

~~~

jetblackrose: Hey, Tom?

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah?

jetblackrose: Probably a dumb question but where do you live? I feel like I keep you up hella late. 

drumming_heartbeats: I live in LA.

jetblackrose: Shit, no way?!

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah, lol. I mean, I travel a lot for work but yeah. LA’s home. 

jetblackrose: Oh that’s awesome! Are you traveling now?

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, I’m home for the time being. Resting up. Gonna be a busy year.

jetblackrose: Yeah? Hopefully good busy.

drumming_heartbeats: Oh, yeah. It’s always good busy. Hey, did you see the new stuff 5sos put up?

jetblackrose: Yes! Holy shit! Are they TRYING to kill their fans or what?!

drumming_heartbeats: Lmao right? Like fuck, bruh…

jetblackrose: More like fuck me please, lmao! Quick question! And you don’t have to answer if this is way too personal. But are you gay?

drumming_heartbeats: No? I mean, I don’t have a fragile male ego. I can freely admit that men are handsome. But I’m not like… I dunno. If anything I’d probably say I’m bi. I just… labels are confusing.

jetblackrose: Yeah, I feel you on that. Like I just love who I love. I don’t feel the need to explain it much beyond that.

drumming_heartbeats: Exactly! I mean, but I’ve only ever had female partners so… the assumption is straight I suppose.

jetblackrose: I’ve only had male partners. Well, I’ve kissed girls. But I’ve only ever dated dudes.

drumming_heartbeats: Oh, I bet your bf loves that, huh?

jetblackrose: I wouldn’t know. I frequently had my attraction to women from the dudes I date so I don’t get the creeps.

drumming_heartbeats: So no bf…?

jetblackrose: Lol, that’s what you get out of that? You’re such a dude! But nope. No bf.

drumming_heartbeats: Damn, that sucks.

jetblackrose: Why do you have a gf?

drumming_heartbeats: No. I did. But we broke up like a few months ago.

jetblackrose: Aw, sorry to hear that.

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, I think you’re the first person to say that. Normally people are sorry to hear I’m IN a relationship, not out of one.

jetblackrose: Wtf? That’s so dumb, lol. You’re my friend, Tom. I want you to be happy.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, I’m your friend?

jetblackrose: Yes…? I mean, we’ve talked all day every day for like what? A month? I swear I talk more with you than my real life friends lol.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, that’s so cute! You’re my friend too, btw. If that wasn’t obvious. I really like talking with you.

jetblackrose: I really like talking with you too! Like, I know it’s probably really stupid to say, but I never really got how people can become friends online. Like how can you feel connected to someone you never actually met, you know? But talking with you, I get it. I’m glad you messaged me.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, Gen baby, you’re gonna make me blush! That’s so fuckin’ cute. I’m glad I messaged you too. You feel more real to me than the friends I actually see lol.

jetblackrose: Looks like we’re both gonna make the other blush… Dude! Honestly, I think it’s because we can only talk. Like, we can’t actually see each other, so we have to rely on these messages. And it’s a lot easier for me to not be shy when I message someone. Because I can delete what sounds stupid!

drumming_heartbeats: Lmao! Nothing you say could ever be stupid.

jetblackrose: You say that now… Trust me though, in person I’m a fuckin nervous idiot. Like I talk too fast or not at all.

drumming_heartbeats: I bet you’re fuckin cute in person.

jetblackrose: Lmao, are you hitting on me?

drumming_heartbeats: Too much?

jetblackrose: Nah, lol. I don’t scare easy. I just bet you’re way cuter.

drumming_heartbeats: Not even! Have you SEEN your face?

jetblackrose: You mean this face? *picture*

drumming_heartbeats: Damn, baby!

jetblackrose: Fuck… is it really dumb of me to like you calling me “baby” so much?

drumming_heartbeats: I mean… I don’t think so? Like, I would hope it doesn’t bother you.

jetblackrose: No, it doesn’t bother me. I like it.

drumming_heartbeats: Cool! Cuz I like calling you that.

~~~

drumming_heartbeats: Is this your king? *picture*

jetblackrose: My brain literally went “oh daddy”... I DON”T EVEN HAVE A DADDY KINK! Ashton Irwin is going to be the death of me, watch. On my tombstone it’ll read “Gen. Killed by Ash’s hotness”

drumming_heartbeats: Omg lol!

jetblackrose: Too dramatic?

drumming_heartbeats: I mean…? Maybe?

jetblackrose: Maybe? Nah. What would be dramatic would be me saying how badly I want those arms of his wrapped around me. Like cuddling me. Choking me. I don’t even care. But those hands? I needs them on me!

drumming_heartbeats: You’re right. That would be dramatic lol.

jetblackrose: Like fuck… I bet those are the most restless set of hands. Like he’s a drummer. So like he’s probably constantly moving his fingers. Is it too much to ask that he moves those fingers across my skin? Like… bruh…

drumming_heartbeats: Omg, I love you dude.

jetblackrose: You what…?

drumming_heartbeats: Shit… I mean like… uh…

jetblackrose: Tom, relax. I love you too.

drumming_heartbeats: Shit, for real?

jetblackrose: Yeah. And… that kinda scares me? Like I don’t actually know you. I mean, I know you. We’ve talked every day for the past 3 months. But… I didn’t think I could ever feel this strongly for someone I’ve never physically met. Like, granted, it’s a very strong friendship love. But, I… I dunno if I should admit this… fuck it. I think I could actually love you. Like in a romantic way. Hell, I think I already do.

drumming_heartbeats: Omg, you’re the fuckin cutest!

jetblackrose: I promise I’m not lol. I just… fuck dude, I dunno. I just love you, alright? And it fuckin blows my mind that we live in the same area basically and haven’t met. Because I really wanna fuckin meet you. But also not. Cuz like I don’t want to ruin this. And that’s such a fuckin cop out response. But like I am genuinely terrified that if we met you won’t like what you see.

drumming_heartbeats: Why wouldn’t I like what I see?

jetblackrose: Because I can send you a message without stuttering like a damn fool. I can stare at my phone until I find the perfect way to phrase things. I can’t do that in person. In person I’ll probably just stare blankly at you and make weird sounds.

drumming_heartbeats: I would still love you, Gen. I’m not much better. I’m probably worse lmao.

jetblackrose: You’re sweet to say that. But I’m a very what you see if what you get type. I’m either hyper, loud, and obnoxious or I’m closed off and shy. I fluctuate from wanting to go on all the adventures to wanting to stay curled up in bed all day. It’s why I end up with failed relationships. No one can handle the wild mood swings. Which is fine. I get it. It sucks. But I get wanting a partner who can navigate middle ground.

drumming_heartbeats: Well all those guys are idiots because that sounds fuckin perfect to me. Like I’m a busy guy. And as much as I’m down for adventures, I’m also down to just do fuckin nothing. Like just being with the girl is good enough, you get me? An adventure can be as easy as building a fort and watching movies all day.

jetblackrose: YES! Like fuck, that’s all I want. Someone who gets it. Someone like you.

drumming_heartbeats: Good thing you have me then.

jetblackrose: Good fuckin thing indeed! God, I’m so glad you messaged me.

drumming_heartbeats: Me too.

~~~

jetblackrose: Fuck, I’m so stressed!

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, what’s wrong baby?

jetblackrose: Just lack of motivation. Like I need a mental health day. Only there’s too much to do that I can’t actually do that. Like if I could pause time, that’d be fuckin great.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, sorry baby.

jetblackrose: It’s my own dumb fault. I know I have to get stuff done and I just… feel so uninspired I guess? Like I don’t want to do work. I want to do things that bring me joy.

drumming_heartbeats: Like Ashton lmao?

jetblackrose: Haha, very funny. But yes. And no. Like fuck I just wanna talk with you all day and bingewatch tv shows.

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah, I get that. But you’ll get through this. You’re strong. Love you, baby.

jetblackrose: Aw! I love you too, baby! Fuck, I can’t wait for my vacation in a few weeks.

drumming_heartbeats: Going anywhere or just like a good chunk of time off from responsibilities?

jetblackrose: Just a good chunk of time off. If I go anywhere it’ll probably just be around here. See some friends. Maybe go to the beach to get some use of the new swimsuit I bought.

drumming_heartbeats: I’m your friend. Can you see me?

jetblackrose: You wanna see me? You want to experience all this awkward in real time? Are you feeling okay?

drumming_heartbeats: I’m serious lol. Why not? We’ve been friends for how long now?

jetblackrose: Like 6 months? Holy shit.

drumming_heartbeats: So is that a yes? Can we meet?

jetblackrose: I thought you’re traveling for work?

drumming_heartbeats: My job is sending me off in spurts lol. Like I’m actually coming home this week. And then I’ll be home for like a month.

jetblackrose: And you want to see me on your time off?

drumming_heartbeats: Why not? Don’t you want to meet me?

jetblackrose: Of course I want to meet you Tom! I love you, you goof. But I’m nervous.

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, why?

jetblackrose: Because I love you this much with having never seen your face or heard your voice. I don’t want to see you and then have to say goodbye. If I get the chance to actually be in your arms, I’m not gonna want to leave.

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, good. Cuz I don’t think I’ll let you go.

jetblackrose: Okay, seriously, I could not love you more. Like are you trying to make me a flustered idiot?

drumming_heartbeats: Is it working lol?

jetblackrose: Yes! Okay, can I ask you a question?

drumming_heartbeats: You can ask me anything.

jetblackrose: Would… fuck I dunno why I’m so nervous asking you this… It’s no secret that we clearly care for each other. It’s also no secret that we love each other. But… is this all in my head? Am I confessing all these feelings and you don’t actually feel the same way in return?

drumming_heartbeats: Gen, baby, I’m serious. I… I want to meet you because I think we can be more than this. More than what we are here through these messages. Not that I don’t love our conversations. Not that I don’t want to stop having them. Because I love talking with you. I wouldn’t trade this relationship we’ve built for anything. But I want to keep building it. And I want to meet you to do that. If you don’t want the same, that’s fine. But that’s where I’m at.

jetblackrose: No. I want to meet you too. I’m just scared.

drumming_heartbeats: Don’t be scared. I love you, Gen.

jetblackrose: I love you too, Tom.

~~~

Gen sat in her car, frowning. Seven months of talking and she was finally about to see Tom. They had agreed on going to the beach as they both felt relaxed by water. But she was nervous all the same. Not only was she seeing her best online friend she had admitted to having a massive crush on, he was also going to see a lot of her skin, as she couldn’t exactly hide under jeans and hoodies at the beach. Not that she wanted to hide from Tom. She was just scared. She flipped down the visor and checked herself over in the small mirror. Then, she took a deep breath to steady herself and got out of the car.

She walked along the pier, the ocean breeze stirring her hair and bringing forth a calm steadiness within her. She leaned her arms on the wooden banister and waited. Her nerves had caused her to arrive a half hour early.

The water swirling around beneath her was hypnotizing. She wasn’t aware of time passing until a voice was calling out, “Gen?” followed by a small tap on her shoulder.

She turned, a smile on her face, nervous flutters in her stomach. As her eyes scanned up at her friend, her mouth dropped open.

The man giggled, a dimple indenting his cheek. “Surprise?”

Her eyes flashed behind her sunglasses and then her hands were shoving his chest. “YOU LIAR!” she shouted at him, her voice shrill.

“Whoa,” he said, grabbing her hands as she continued to push him. “Hey, I didn’t lie!”

“Yes you did! You said your name was Tom!” She ripped her hands out of his grasp, her skin lighting up in memorization at his touch.

“Clever, eh?” he smirked.

“Clever?! Lying to me was clever?!”

“I didn’t lie!”

“You lied about who you were, Tom! What else did you lie about?!”

“Just my name. I promise. And you don’t have to keep calling me Tom.”

Her voice shot down to a barely audible whisper as she told him in a horrified tone, “If I don’t call you Tom, then this becomes real. Really real. And then I’m the lunatic who just shoved my favorite drummer from my favorite band while screaming that he was a liar. And… STOP SMIRKING, ASHTON!”

Ashton held up his hands defensively and took a step backwards. “Alright, alright! I’m sorry, okay?”

“Sorry about what? Sorry you lied to me? Or sorry I’m mad about it?”

“Sorry you’re mad about it. I had to lie.”

“No. No, you really didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“BULLSHIT!”

“Do you see how you’re acting right now?! This is why I lied! Can you imagine if we had done this over messages?”

“I wouldn’t have believed you.”

“Exactly.”

“Your friend got you into 5sos… fucking… UGH!”

“Yeah, that was pretty clever wasn’t it?”

“I cannot FUCKING BELIEVE YOU!”

“Well, will you let me explain then?”

“Please. Wordsmith your way outta this one. Be my guest.”

“Okay,” he huffed, pushing his back hair out of his face. “I liked you the night of the party. When we actually met.”

“Oh, my God… my life is a fan fic…” Gen interrupted, eyes wide as her brain played catch up, still not believing this was actually real.

“I have to be careful, okay. It’s not that I wanted to lie to you about who I was. Not that I was. Everything I told you was real. My feelings are real.”

“Jesus, I said so many fuckin’ things to you. So. Many! I said you gave me a daddy kink! I said I wanted you to choke me! I said those things to someone I thought was a friend!”

“I am your friend!”

“No! You’re ASHTON FUCKIN’ IRWIN! And I’m… Gen,” she admitted, sadly. “I’m right where I was seven months ago. Meeting my idol and trying not to read too much into it. Only it’s worse. Because you’re aware of things I never would have told you had I known you were actually you. Please excuse me while I go die in a hole. Matter of fact, I’m just…” She walked towards the edge of the pier, placing her hands on the banister and pretended to lift herself up.

“Stop that,” Ashton scolded with a chuckle, pulling her off the railing and into his arms.

She froze, her body going rigid. “Let go of me.”

“No. I said if I got you in my arms I wouldn’t let go. And you said you wouldn’t want to leave. Now who’s the liar?”

“It’s still you by a fuckin’ mile!”

He let go but only to spin her around before his hands were gripping her shoulders. “I’m sorry if I upset you by keeping my identity a secret. I get if that changes things for you. But it doesn’t for me. I still feel the same way I felt towards you today that I did yesterday. And I’ll still feel the same way about you tomorrow and for the rest of my life.”

“Y-you do?” she asked, her eyes wide in disbelief.

“Yes. Maybe I went about this the wrong way. Maybe I should’ve asked for your number that night instead of waiting for the picture of us to surface so I could find you that way. Maybe I shouldn’t have hidden my identity. But I did what I thought was best. I don’t like being vulnerable. I don’t like putting myself out there. So I protected myself the best way I knew how. You still got the real me, though.”

She stared up at him. As much as she wanted to be mad at him, she couldn’t. He was still her online best friend, and she was still in love with him.

“Look,” he kept talking. “Maybe we walk off this pier and never speak again. Or, maybe you trust me and yourself. Maybe we make it. Maybe we don’t. But either way, neither one of us is walking off this pier the same person we were before.”

__

Tag List

@goeatsomelife​ @flameraine​ @cashtonasff5sos​ @here-for-the-uproars​ @cxddlyash​ @1-irwin-94​ @baldcalum​ @sparkling-chaos​ @tea4sykes​ @youngblood199456​ @5-seconds-of-obsession​ @gosh-im-short​

[bentaylorrogerhardy]

Lily of the Valley - Part 3

Joe Mazzello! x Reader!

Summary: Being a young, single mom that worked full-time was hard. When you weren’t working, you were taking care of your five year old daughter, Lily. You had given up on dating after many failed attempts. That was until after a rough day of dealing with your ex boyfriend, your best friend introduced you to Joe.

Word count: 1407

Warnings: none! 

A/N: I feel like this part is kinda short, and kinda sucks but the next part will be welllll worth it. Enjoy!

(parts one and two are in my masterlist in my description!)

When your shift was over, you, Kristen, and Jana all headed out to your cars ready to leave.

“So, I’ll pick you up? About eight-ish?” Kristen asked, opening her car door that was parked next to you.

“Yeah, that should give me enough time to get ready,” you sighed, “hopefully, it all goes well tonight.”

“It will,” Jana said, walking over to you and Kristen, “it’s confirmed that Joe is coming, so you can’t get out of it now.”

“You two wouldn’t let me get out of it anyway,” you laughed, opening your car door and getting in, “see ya later.”

You pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street, dialing Casey’s number.

“Hello?” she answered when she picked up the phone.

“Hey, I have a favor to ask you,” you said, “do you mind keeping Lily for the night?”

“No problem!” she said, “what for?”

“Jana and Kristen are dragging me out for the night. David invited one of his friends, and they want me to meet him.”

“Oooooh,” she said, “is it a daaaate?”

“I mean, technically,” you laughed, “how’s Lily?”

“She’s good, just watching cartoons,” she stated.

“Lemme talk to her,” you said. Casey called for Lily and then handed the phone to her shortly after.

“Hi, mommy,” she giggled on the other end.

“Hi, baby,” you smiled. After a stressful day of dealing with Chad, hearing that little giggle on the other end brightened your day, “do you wanna stay at Aunt Casey’s for the night? Mommy has to go do something.”

“YEAH!” she squealed loudly, causing you to pull the phone away from your ear.

“Ow,” you laughed, “okay, I think she has some stuff for you over there already, but do you need me to bring you anything from home?”

“No, I have lots of toys over here,” she said, “and she got me princess pajamas!”

“Oh my goodness, aren’t you special,” you smiled, “okay, well I guess I will see you tomorrow, my love.”

“Okay, mommy,” she said, “I love you!”

“I love you, too,” you smiled, “put Aunt Casey back on.”

“Okay!” she giggled. You could hear the shuffling of the phone being passed from Lily and back to Casey.

“Okay, yeah she’s all set over here,” she said, “go out and have fun!”

“I’ll try. Thank you for watching her,” you smiled.

“Anytime,” she said. The two of you bid farewell and hung up, then you drove back to your apartment to start getting ready.

---

“What do I even wear? Where are we going?” You asked Kristen on the phone, holding it to your ear with your shoulder as you rummaged through your closet.

“Something cute!” She exclaimed, and you could hear her rummaging through her closet as well, “we’re just going for dinner, nothing too fancy.”

You wanted to make a good impression, obviously. You looked and looked through your closet and dresser drawers, until you finally decided on a dark green oversized sweater, a pair of black jeans with rips in them, and a pair of black ankle boots. No matter how many times you claimed in the past that you were done with dating, there was always that one, small part of you that hoped that one day, you would finally find your person.

“Okay,” you sighed, taking a step back and looking in the mirror, “I think I’m ready.”

“YAY!” Kristen squealed, “I’m excited. Okay, Oscar and I are about to leave. See you soon!”

“Okay, bye,” you said, hanging up the phone, then plopping down on your bed, stomach filled with butterflies. You got up off of your bed, pacing around your room, trying to find something to occupy your mind as to not focus on your nerves.

---

“Get in, loser!” Kristen yelled out the front passenger window, laughing as you made your way to her car.

“Hey, (Y/N),” Oscar said as you climbed in the back passenger seat.

“Hey!” You smiled, buckling in your seatbelt, then sighing deeply.

“Ooooh, someone’s nervous,” Kristen said, turning around to look at you, “Oscar, can you believe we actually got her out of the house for once?”

“Shocking,” he chuckled, driving out of your apartment complex, glancing at you in the rear view mirror.

“I’m so excited you agreed to this!” she smiled.

“Oh, you and Jana would’ve never let me live it down if I didn’t agree,” you laughed. A few minutes later, Oscar pulled up to the restaurant and parked.

“I think they’re already inside,” he said as everyone stepped out of the car. The moment your feet hit the concrete, the butterflies came back, and they were back with a vengeance.

“Maybe I’ll just Uber back,” you stammered, “I’ll come another night.”

“Oh, HELL no!” Kristen said, linking your arm in hers, “you made it this far, you are NOT backing out now.”

“Okay, fine. You’re right,” you sighed. The three of you walked up to the entrance and went in.

“Over here!” You heard Jana yell from across the restaurant and the three of you made your way to the table they were all sitting at.

“(Y/N), this is Joe Mazzello,” she said, motioning to the man sitting next to her. He was wearing a blue New York Yankees shirt, a grey zip up hoodie, and some jeans. He stood up and gave you a small smile, sticking his hand out to shake yours.

“Yankee fan, huh?” you laughed, taking notice to his shirt and shaking his hand, “I’m more of a Dodger fan myself.”

“Eh, they’re alright,” he shrugged, chuckling nervously. Everyone sat down at the table, with you sitting across from Joe and next to Kristen. The waiter came and took everyones drink order, then headed back to the kitchen. Kristen, Oscar, and David were all caught up in a conversation about some TV show they all watched the previous night, talking about all the plot twists and storylines.

“So, Jana told me you’re an actor,” you said to Joe, who was twiddling with the strings of his hoodie.

“Yeah, I’m kind of on a break right now,” he said, “I just wrapped up press for my most recent movie about a month ago.”

“Oh, nice,” you nodded, taking a sip of water, “what movie?”

“Bohemian Rhapsody,” he answered.

“No way!” you exclaimed, “the Queen biopic? I love them!”

“Yeah, it was a lot of fun to film,” he smiled. The rest of the time at the restaurant, it was like it was just you and Joe in the whole building. The two of you joked, laughed, and talked about almost anything and everything. Well, almost everything. You failed to mention the fact that you had a daughter. You wanted to make sure you actually wanted this to go somewhere before you dropped a bombshell like that on him. So far, it was going really well. Even Jana and Kristen noticed.

“Do we even exist?” Kristen whispered to Jana, glancing over at you and Joe, talking about baseball.

“Oh, let her have fun,” Jana stated, “when was the last time you saw her that happy?”

---

When dinner was over, and everyone was incredibly stuffed full of pasta, you all made your way out into the parking lot. Kristen, Oscar, Jana, and David were all ahead of you and Joe, who lingered a ways behind them.

“I had a lot of fun tonight,” Joe said, sticking his hands in the pockets of his hoodie.

“Me, too,” you said, “it’s been a while since I went out.”

“Maybe, we can do this again?” he questioned, looking over at you with hopeful eyes, “just the two of us?”

“I’d like that,” you beamed, stopping in your tracks.

“Great,” he stammered, pulling his phone out of his back pocket, “could I get your number?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” you smiled, taking the phone and putting your number in it, then he did the same with your phone. You said your goodbyes, each with a hug, then headed to your separate cars. You walked towards Kristen’s car, that her and Oscar were already in, waiting for you.

“Soooo?” Kristen questioned as you buckled in, “what do you think of Joe?”

“I like him,” you blushed, leaning back in your seat, “he’s really sweet, and cute.”

“See?! Aren’t you glad we dragged you out of the house for the night?” she practically yelled.

“Yeah,” you smiled, leaning your head against the window, “I am.”

Tags: @deakyspuff @okiegirl24 @joalsglasses @toger-raylor @panicatttckiss @richiethotzierz

[chnsfairy]

even a shadow needs light to exist | bang chan

words ; 7,870

genre ; angst, and just kinda sad sorry

warnings ; language, um sad

a/n ; look this is my first long fic and i worked hard on it, i get its not the best out there and stuff but im kinda proud of it so thanks for reading if you do and sorry in advance,,, also hopefully this will show up in the tags this time yay

-

It’s like a memory.

Yet, it’s something completely different, because they don’t exist anymore, he doesn’t exist anymore, and the universe seems to want to torture you with that fact. The world’s funny like that isn’t it.

You catch glimpses of him periodically; sometimes as you pass by his studio, untouched as you’re too scared to set foot in it again, where you sometimes see him working at his computer. Always creating music he was, music in which the world will never be able to hear, music that once graced your ears and lulled you sleep throughout the painful nights. However, since then, you couldn’t bring yourself to listen to it nor anything else he’s made. It’s still too raw. Still too painful, the wound still fresh in your mind and in your heart.

But it’s not his fault, it’s not his fault the universe bestowed this ‘gift’ upon you. One that ends up causing so much pain on a daily basis. One where you could be simply eating breakfast or watching television, the times where you were almost at peace with the world, and seconds later he would walk out of what used to be your shared bedroom; curly hair atop his beautiful bare face and adorable dimples that made you want to cry at the sight of them and at the sight of him. Different memories would flood through your mind, you would remember his scent and his warmth when you would wake up in the mornings. How he would cling onto you with his arms until you would force him to get out of bed, and as soon as you found your way to the kitchen he would always return to his position by resting his chin on your shoulder as he wrapped his arms around your stomach. You would remember the late night kisses always full of love and compassion as you sat with him listening to music, talking about everything you could think of and sometimes nothing. You would just sit with each other and enjoy the company, the presence of one another was enough for you.

Sometimes you would cry, and sometimes you would squeeze your eyes shut in hope he’ll be gone by the time you open your eyes. He’s not there. That’s not him. It’s a curse you often think, but maybe it’s a blessing, or maybe it’s some cruel trick the universe wanted to play on you.

You thought you would’ve been used to it at this point, this occurring many times in the past and especially during your younger years. Nightmares. Your parents would classify them as.

Your head is playing tricks on you.

You just imagined it.

Scary daydreams, don’t worry.

Sure, maybe it was, but the seconds and blips you continue to see of people who shouldn’t be able to walk the earth anymore on a daily basis only made you worry and more anxious as time went by. Friends were starting to feel concerned as you jumped at the smallest things and freaked out about, well, nothing. It was impossible for them to see. How do you tell a person these things? How do you make them believe you? Truth is: you can’t. So, you don’t. You haven’t, and you suffer on your own.

So here you are, sitting in the corner of a small cafe, eating a warm muffin as you attempt to focus on your work. Trying to keep your mind busy, trying to think of anything but him and the others you see around. But it’s hard as the bustle of the small shop continues to drag your mind to different places, allowing your eyes to skim off your laptop and across the sea of strangers. Although, some really aren’t strangers at this point. You’ve been visiting the coffee shop more than you ever have in the past, it’s become an escape from your apartment and nowadays you feel it’s better to be anywhere but there. Sure, it can be loud, especially in the mornings where the rushing college students and workers attempt to wake themselves up from the dead feeling of sleep. Yet that loudness is almost soothing, it’s nice to see people being able to get up in the morning with a purpose and goal. You, unfortunately, lost that some time ago; and sometimes you envy those who haven’t.

As the days go by, you’ve continuously recognized these strangers that aren’t, exactly, strangers anymore. For example, there’s always this small group of teenagers that pour into the shop on Fridays, they laugh and talk the day away until one of them has to leave; causing a chain reaction after that as they head home. There’s also a couple that sometimes comes in around lunchtime, they usually order the same thing before leaving after a couple hours. You’ve noticed things over the past couple weeks that probably only a barista who works here would notice, you’ve seen the different groups and types of people come in and out of the cafe. Day in and day out, people have routines, people have lives, and you’ve come to recognize more and more of them. There are then the ones who, well, shouldn’t be here. At least you shouldn’t be able to see them. The small blips they have as they fracture in and out of existence in front of your eyes and your eyes alone. One being an elderly lady with her silver hair up in a tight bun, wearing a floral patterned dress and sandals, sometimes you see her walking her dog down the street and other times she’s sitting peacefully by the window staring off into space. Those are some of the less painful ones, other times you catch a glance of this little boy, no older than five, in a school uniform sitting on a bench outside. He always looks like he’s waiting for something, someone, and unfortunately that person probably never ended up arriving.

Throughout all that time you’ve also grown accustomed to the barista that always seems to be working when you arrive. “Han Jisung”, you read aloud his name tag during your first visit.

“Yep! And your name…?” He had asked motioning to the pen and cup he held in his hand.

“Oh um, it’s y/n,” The lack of social contact you’ve had over the past couple weeks, as well as the just excruciating pain you’ve got through, has lowered some built up confidence and self-esteem. “Sorry” you had then muttered as you fumbled through your mess of a bag, takeout receipts littering the bottom as well as an almost empty chapstick tube and a couple coins. You pulled out your wallet before handing over the amount due to the man in front of you, who gave you a bright smile as he handed you your change. On a cloudy day, one might mistake him for the sun if it wasn’t for his work attire, his fluffy grey-slightly blonde hair and plump cheeks just made him shine even more compared to everyone else in the shop.

Since that time he’s almost always working the register when you arrive at the cafe, smiling and talking with customers, cracking jokes here and there; just being a delight. It wouldn’t be completely wrong to say that at this point in your life you were the complete opposite of him, as you’ve attempted to hide from the world for the time being. Having as little social interactions as possible, the only ones being with the delivery man and well, Jisung. You weren’t expecting nor planning to make a friend anytime soon but I guess the stars aligned and it was just a perfect moment for not only you but him as well.

Jisung was in his third year of college, where he was studying to get his degree in music. He’s always been in love with the beautiful sounds people call music that he’s heard since he was a child, so when he got older he started creating himself. Jisung wanted to show the world his music and meaningful lyrics to anyone he could, he would find himself lost in his computer late at night not bothering to watch the clock tick past three am. Nowadays though, he never seems to be anywhere but class, the cafe where he works or locked up in his dorm/studio working on something. He’s rarely out anymore and his friends often go weeks without seeing him, and at this point, they’ve deemed this type of lifestyle completely unhealthy. They’ve tried to get him out of this funk he’s in, inviting him to parties and movies, but nothing seems to work anymore. So at some point, they just kinda stopped, but that’s ok; Jisung rathers it to be this way.

Neither of you are exactly sure when this weird friendship started if that’s even a way to classify it, as he just feeds you coffee and sweets and you simply keep him company when things get slow. Maybe it started the first day you stopped by when you made some witty remark and had Jisung laughing for a good five minutes, or maybe it was when he decided to stop by your table to ask what you were doing.

“Trying not to focus on too many things,” you said before turning back to your laptop and murmuring “or people.”

“Well that’s probably hard in a noisy place like this,” Jisung replied, it had been just two weeks of your visiting this small cafe that he worked at and you always piqued his interest. You always looked on edge, as if you were avoiding something, possibly someone; and it never seemed like you had anywhere else to go. It was like you were always here, were you hiding from something? He constantly asked himself these questions as the days went by and you continued to sit in your little corner of the world. Sure he’s had regular customers before but that was different, they’d come in, order and then head off to school or work. The regular evening crowd would be mainly college students trying to get homework done somewhere other than their dorm. But you, you never left, well that might be exaggerating it a bit but you really were constantly there. Not that he didn’t mind, it just…worried him a little. So that’s why one day two weeks after your first showing he decided to make conversation, not only did it seem like you needed it but he did too.

“Want some company?” He asked, slowly sliding into the seat across from you, your gaze never left his face as you sat there puzzled, you were just kind of confused about this whole situation. Doesn’t mean sitting in a corner mean you want to hide from everyone? Doesn’t it just shout ‘go away’? Clearly not anymore, and this man is proving that to you more and more every day.

“Um, aren’t you supposed to be working?” You asked carefully, you found yourself irritated and slightly intimidated by this sunshine in front of you. It’s been a while since you’ve made any decent conversation but you guess it’s better than thinking about him, or continuously staring at what seems like nothing to the naked eye.

“I’m on a break right now,” Jisung stated a matter of factly before checking his watch, “and I’ve got five minutes.”

“And you came over here because…?” You asked him, still confused but distracted from most things nonetheless so it wasn’t a total loss talking to him.

“Because you seem like you need a friend, and… well, I wanted to ask why you’re always here,” he looked up to see your face in a slight frown before shaking his head to rephrase his previous statement. “N-not that it’s a bad thing! It’s just unusual you know? I’ve come to recognize people who come and go a lot but no one just stays here throughout most of the day so I’m wondering if you’re ok…?”

“And what place are you in to be asking me that?” You argued, not feeling in the mood to talk with somebody, a complete stranger nonetheless, about your problems. “Well, clearly I’m in no position to tell you really anything but you seem like you’re not doing to well, and we’ve all been there.”

“Not here you haven’t.” You gritted through your teeth, at this point you just wanted this conversation to be over and done with, you were gaining nothing from it and you didn’t really feel like talking to anyone anyway. Your drink was cold at this point and it would be better to leave. And if someone had really noticed you after all this time maybe it would be best to find another place to spend your time.

“Ok, maybe not…but well-”

“Just what do you want?!” You screamed at him, the sudden outburst caused the few other customers in the cafe to look your way, Jisung gave them a smiled and waved them off in apology before turning back to you. He was unsure of what to say, maybe it was a mistake to come over here; he wasn’t too sure as to why he did it himself.

“I-I, um, w-well-”

You interrupted him before he could finish his thought.

“My best friend, the love of my life, is fucking dead and I’d rather not be at home, it doesn’t even feel like home anymore, ok?” You felt sick to your stomach, it was the first time those words fell out of your mouth, the first time you finally admitted it to yourself, and you felt yourself choke up from all the repressed emotion building up at once, and your eyes started to water slightly.

“It’s fucking torture so why don’t you mind your own business and get back to work, your break should be over right?” You were fuming, and you suddenly felt like running away from the whole world, what was the point without your other half? The person that kept you grounded, the one reason you had to keep living in this horrible world and he’s gone now. There was nothing you could do about it except watch his remains the universe left for you in blips of time, continuously fading in and out of existence. The exact same pain you’ve lived with your entire life but it was never this traumatic, the world is a tease, he’s right there and yet he’s never there at the same time. You’ve never felt the excruciating pain of losing someone so important and so close, and now that you have you don’t even know what to do with yourself.

What Jisung saw day after day as you locked yourself away by plugging your headphones in and typing furiously away at your computer, always just looking dead. There was no other way to describe it, sometimes you ate, sometimes you didn’t but you never looked fully alive. It was like you were only partially there, unbothered by the happenings around you as you sit there being…alive. It didn’t look like, nor did it feel like to you, living anymore; you felt so empty.

He himself knew what that felt like, it may not have been as horrible as the experience you’re going through but at one time or another, he’s known the feeling. So he saw someone in need, someone who needed a friend and maybe, just maybe, he needed one too.

So when saw you quickly shoving everything back in your bag he immediately felt horrible, he had poked around too much where it wasn’t his place to poke, he felt like he had to do something to make it up to you. Or apologize at least, he couldn’t leave feeling this guilty.

“No, please don’t go I’m sorry, you were right. It wasn’t my place to be asking you these questions,” He attempted to stop you but it was too late now, you wanted out of here and you were going to do anything to achieve that. “Um, this may be inappropriate at this point but I’m really sorry for your loss.” Jisung looked up at you as you swung your bag over your shoulder, tears were spilling out of your eyes at this point and he wasn’t exactly sure of what to do. Frantically he grabbed a napkin and awkwardly offered it to you, you ignored his gesture and shoved straight passed him and through the front doors, passed the fading elderly lady and down the block and the boy sitting on the bench. By now, Jisung couldn’t even run after you to apologize, his break was over and he was being motioned over back behind the counter. Full of regret, Jisung walked slowly towards the register and continued with his shift, he was slightly dazed from the previous conversation. It was unexpected, to say the least, he didn’t at all predict what you were going to say to be that dark and serious; and above everything else he was feeling he felt absolutely horrible, he upset you, a stranger nonetheless. You didn’t even know each other but he still felt like he owed you something for putting his nose your business like that, he just hoped that you would come back to give him that chance.

~

After four painful days locked up in your cold and empty apartment, you finally decided to take another visit to the cafe, in the moment all you had felt was anger but the guilt had been gnawing at your stomach ever since the conversation you had with Jisung. You felt absolutely horrible, you had no right to yell at him for that, he was just being kind. An incredibly kind soul he was, and you felt downright terrible for yelling at him like that. But you were too scared to confront him about it, you were never good with talking to people anyway; he was always there to help you with that stuff. But now, you’ve got no one to offer you support, sometimes, it almost feels like you’ve been abandoned, and you know that’s not the case. You had no control over what happened, and with whatever the universe decided to give you, you may never come to terms with what happened if he always seems to be everywhere. Always appearing and disappearing throughout existence, at your worst it felt like he was haunting you, but without a present state of mind in him, that was clearly not the case.

When Jisung saw you enter the cafe he immediately felt better, it put a smile on his face to see you return. After day two he was worried he scared you away for good, he didn’t want to go throughout his day knowing he’s the reason for your never returning. Similar to you, he felt completely guilty for what he said and wanted to do something to make it up to you. So he quickly stood up from his stool and watched you shyly walk over to the counter, scratching the back of your neck as you contemplated on what to say.

“I should apologi-”

“I’m really sorry!”

Jisung was shocked by your sudden burst, he thought you were just going to completely ignore him and return to your corner once again. Instead, you’re apologizing to him? Before he even got a chance? He’s the one at fault right? He stood there staring at you dumbfounded for a couple seconds, the atmosphere had become awkward as he realized he hadn’t said anything in response. You were worried you did something wrong, maybe you should leave again, he doesn’t care about you - he barely knows you.

“W-why are you apologizing to me? It’s supposed to be the other way around!”

Fumbling around with the smooth leather bracelet around your wrist you slowly looked up at Jisung who had a confused look planted across his face.

“Because well, because you didn’t deserve me being so rude to you, your heart was in the right place, and I...I was just being a dick.”

“I-I, um, sorry I don’t really know what to say now, initially I was going to apologize but it just feels weird now,” Jisung still felt as terrible as ever, here you were, looking almost scared as you stood in front of him; fidgeting with your fingers you stayed silent. “But I’m still sorry, so I hope you can forgive me for being a bit nosy.”  

“You know what, fuck this let’s start over,” You said before sticking your hand out, “So my name is y/n, my life is pretty fucked up right now and I’m not in the best place and I choose to be here rather than my apartment, and...yeah...that’s about it.”

Jisung took your hand and gave you a small smile, “Well then it’s nice to properly meet you, let’s hope I don’t mess up this time around, yeah?”

~

Two weeks ago you would’ve hit yourself for letting another person in your life, in the end, it only causes you pain so what’s the point anymore? You weren’t necessarily planning on making any friends anytime soon, and you would’ve been a burden to them in this state anyway. But then Jisung popped into your life, and he was suddenly a friendly face in a crowd of strangers. Sure, the first interaction between the two of you was a bit off-putting and unexpecting for anything else to happen after that, to say the least. But after a while to two continued to make small conversation as your time spent in the cafe grew longer, and especially as the weather got colder.

The small coffee shop turned into a more welcoming space than your apartment had been in weeks, the familiar smell of espresso beans, spices and pastries became something of a calming scent. The barrier you’ve placed around you breaks apart slowly when you enter, it’s like you feel safer? If that’s even a way to put it. Sometimes though, you feel absolutely horrible thinking all these things, without your other half next to you you’re not sure if it’s right anymore. You’re not sure if you’re ever going to be able to move on from what happened; especially if it, no he, continues to just somehow exist. It’s not fair. Why does the world seem to want to do this to you? Haven’t you gone through enough already?

Pushing your thoughts aside you attempt to focus on the moment now, where you find yourself sitting on a stool behind the counter. You’re not exactly sure how you ended up back here, you guess Jisung convinced you it would be fine and that his boss was pretty laid back so you wouldn’t get in trouble. Although his coworker, Hyunjin, thought otherwise. Hyunjin was usually making the drinks with all the fancy machines behind Jisung, instead of working the register, so the two of you had only exchanged very few words over the past couple weeks. But you had become familiar with blonde, you learned that he was a dance major at the same college Jisung was attending, and that he was surprisingly very clingy to his friend.

“Jisungie~ y/n’s taking you away from meee.” He whined one day, you had been sitting in the back behind the counter reading a book you had brought in that day. Minding your own business and chatting with Jisung about his school work from time to time, and clearly, Hyunjin hadn’t been getting the attention that he wanted.

“Jinnie, we’re friends leave y/n be.” Jisung laughed as Hyunjin clung onto his back, luckily there were no customers that needed to be tended to at the time so the two had some time to goof off.

It was nice to have these lights in your life, until now, it felt like a never-ending black hole. You never seemed to feel at peace with anything anymore and nothing brought you happiness, at least now, a rare smile can be seen forming across your lips. As time went by and the more you grew to know Jisung the more he reminded you of, well, him. His love and adoration for music alone was enough, and sometimes you would catch him writing lyrics in a small notebook during his break, reminding you of the small book of never seen before lyrics lies untouched in your apartment. You had planned on reading through it, but maybe it was still too soon to go do that. So you ended up setting it aside for another time.

The first time Jisung showed you a song he was working on you burst into tears in the middle of the cafe, luckily it was basically empty so you didn’t draw much attention to yourself. You were surprised nonetheless, confused as to why it’s bringing you to tears maybe it reminded you of the past too much. How you would always get demos of new songs before anyone else got a chance to listen to them, you always treasured those moments and it felt weird, almost wrong, spending them with someone else.

“y-y/n, um, what’s wrong? Are you ok? Did I do something?” Jisung had already made you angry once and now that he was the cause of your sudden sadness he wasn’t sure what he should do. Immediately closing his laptop he pulled you towards him and wrapped his arms around you, you just stood there stiffly as tears still pooled out of your eyes.

“Look, I’m sorry about...that...whatever that was, I feel really bad but I hope you know that you can talk to me about things if you want,” Neither of you had moved, your arms stayed frozen and your sides as his squeezed you even tighter. “Look we may not have known each other for very long but you’re really interesting and fun to talk and hang out with. I would love to help you get through whatever is going on in your life, but you can’t keep building all that pent up emotion inside of you, it’s not healthy.”

“You won’t believe me even if I tell you.” You whispered, there’s only one other person who knew about the things you’ve seen, but he’s gone now and there’s no one else to help you go through that anymore. You’ve thought about telling Jisung, out of everyone you’d assume he would understand you the most. Maybe even believe you, unlike your family and old friends you laughed at you when you told them.

“Well, we won’t know that until you explain it, now will we?” Jisung finally let you of you, still standing right in front of you he turned to check the clock. “How about this: after my shift is over I’ll walk you home, you can choose to talk or not to talk, whatever you want. But I’ll listen the entire time and only talk when you’re done, ok?”

Without saying anything you nodded your head and sat back down, pulling out your book once again as Jisung went to go help a customer. Although you were staring at these words on the pages of this book you found yourself not reading them, you continued thinking about what you were going to say to him if you found the confidence in yourself to even explain these things. You lost faith in most of humanity some time ago, and you’ve always had very few friends, but there was only one that completely understood you and believed everything you told him. So it’s been a while since you’ve trusted someone and much as you did him, but Jisungs been nothing but kind to you. So maybe, just maybe, you’ve found someone who won’t go running for the hills when he finds out about these weird things you see daily. You hope at least.

It was already 6:30 before you knew it, night time was creeping over the buildings outside as it engulfed the entire city in darkness. The evening crew was filing in through the back, getting ready to take over the other two’s jobs as they prepared to head home. You stood by the front doors as Jisung grabbed the rest of his stuff from a locker in the very back on the shop, still going over in your head what you should even say to him.

“Ready?” You looked up to see Jisung already holding the door open, motioning you to step out into the cold February air. You nodded your head before walking outside and to the left, it was only a ten-minute walk from here back to your apartment and you didn’t feel like being out in the cold for very long.

The two of you walked side by side for a couple minutes in silence before you finally pulled up the courage to start this dreaded conversation. Still, as anxious as ever, you took a deep breath before you started to speak.

“As you know, um, m-my best friend, my rock, my e-everything,” You already felt tears starting to well up in your eyes, after a couple seconds you felt a warm hand grip onto yours. Looking up, you saw Jisung give you a small smile on encouragement to keep talking, giving your hand a quick squeeze.

“He died.” You’re breath hitched as a single tear fell down your cheek, and you watched as the cold air turned your breath into steam in front of you, still trying your best to remain calm.

“It was painful to find him, you know? Heart attack, they told me after the paramedics came. It was apparently too late to do anything about it at that point too,” a sad smile found itself on your face as you thought back to that day. “You remind me of him a lot, you should know, and maybe that’s why I find myself trusting you.” Jisung nodded his head, staying silent just as he promised.

“Now this next part you’re not going to believe me, I’m telling you that now,” You took another right as you crossed the empty street, only hearing a single car in the distance of this quiet neighborhood you live in.

“Do you believe in the supernatural?” You asked Jisung, looking at him in hopes of some sort of positive response.

“It depends,” he said. “Should I?”

A small chuckle escaped your soon to be frozen lips, shaking your head a little you look up at the night sky.

“You know, nowadays, when I lift my head up I can’t see any stars,” The night was cloudy, and yet the brightness of the moon still shown through it all. “Jisung what do you think happens to the place where a person dies?”

Shrugging his shoulders, Jisung kept walking by your side, hanging onto every word you say.

“All that stuff where people say the final resting place is the grave is just a bunch of bullshit,” At this point, you weren’t shaking anymore and words were falling out of your mouth before you had a chance to stop them or even think. You weren’t sure where this sudden feeling of anger and annoyance came from, maybe you were just finally fed up with the world. “And I know, cause I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Everybody who’s died stays there, repeating things over and over again as they continuously fade throughout time and existence. They don’t leave no matter how much I hate it and I can’t communicate with them no matter how much I want to. My apartment is torturous now! He’s always there, with his stupid perfect face and stupid smile! And I can’t do shit about it!” You were yelling now, waving your hands about as fought the incoming tears that threatened to spill down your face.

“Hey, hey y/n, shhh calm down,” Jisung whispered as he held your arms down at your sides so you wouldn’t accidentally wack him in the face, your cheeks were now red from yelling and possibly from the cold. “Why don’t we get you home, yeah?”

“You don’t believe me.” You froze in your spot, you knew it, it was a stupid idea to tell him. You shouldn’t be able to trust anybody anymore.

“Now that’s not true at all, surprisingly, I do. But I feel like you should get home and eat something.” Jisung started guiding you down the street, slowly you nodded your head as you started to walk with him in silence.

“I’m never at peace anymore you know,” Your voice was so faint, any quieter and Jisung wouldn’t have been able to hear it. “It’s like I’m hiding from something that doesn’t exist.” Turning on his heel Jisung stood directly in front of you, he held onto your shoulders causing you to stop moving as you looked up at him.

“What?” You asked, slightly irritated.

“Visit his grave,” You looked at him with such a confused and pain filled look on your face. “Maybe going there will help you come to terms with what happened, ever thought of that?” You stared at your feet, slightly embarrassed and a bit annoyed. Of course you thought of going, why wouldn’t you? But he’s right, you never went. Because you didn’t want to face the truth quite yet, and if it weren’t for Jisung you might never have. You stayed silent and walked passed him, unsure of what to say you headed straight for the door of your apartment complex. But before you could get inside Jisung grabbed your arm and turned you around.

“What if I go with you?” He asked, hoping for a response but you instead stayed quiet, staring at your feet as you stood in the cold air. “Tomorrow I have off, I’ll be here to pick you up around ten-ish, ok?”

“Why are you doing this?” Jisung gave you a quick smile before taking a couple steps back down the street.

“Because I know that you deserve to be happier than you are now,” You almost ran after him but fought against it. “And I wanna do everything in my power to make that happen! Goodnight y/n!” Jisung then took off across the street and out of your sight, stunned, you stood outside in the cold for a couple more seconds. Replaying the previous conversation in your head. It was one of the first times that someone didn’t freak out or run away immediately when you told them about these people you still saw, and you were incredibly grateful for that.

Unlocking the door to your apartment you were welcomed by the familiar smell of him, and the always eerie silence without him there to engulf you in a hug for your return home. Luckily he was nowhere to be seen at this time so you walked over to your half empty fridge and opened it, there wasn’t much inside as you expected. Closing it and walking over to a cupboard you grabbed the last bag of chips you had and found yourself sitting on the couch staring out the window and up at the sky. Still nothing. Just the clouds in the moon, so turning to the TV you flipped through Netflix before deciding on some movie to watch in the meantime.

At some point, you’re not sure when you fell asleep on the couch with the movie still playing in the background. When you finally came to the clock read 10:47, there was no chance of you falling back asleep in your bed now. Suddenly, the sound of footsteps could be heard in the studio down the hallway, freezing in your place you tried not to look over, just focus on the TV, you thought to yourself.

“What have you done to me…” You asked yourself as you continued to stare at the television, although you weren’t actually paying attention to whatever was happening on the screen, your mind was occupied with other things at the moment. Mainly, fighting the urge to look down the hallway, even though you know what you’ll see you still can’t help yourself.

Fortunately, by the time you turn your head he’s already gone, disappearing again only you’ll know he’ll be back at some point or another. ‘Why not move?’ One might ask, but being a broke graduate who’s still trying to pay back student debts you can’t afford to move, and even if you could you’re unsure if you would even want to. You would end up leaving behind so many memories of this place, the smiles and laughter the two of you shared here over the years would belong to someone else, and you didn’t want to do that.

After a couple hours, you found yourself dragging your feet across the cold wooden floor and into your bedroom, with your bed still unmade from the previous night you stripped off your clothes from the day and into a comfortable t-shirt and pair of shorts before you finally climbed into bed and under the covers. Sleep wasn’t welcoming you quick enough and it let your mind wander for a while. You thought about how long it had been since you’ve had a friend like Jisung and how he was one of the kindest humans you’ve met in a while. Now the line between strangers and friends has definitely been crossed but you wouldn’t consider yourself that close to him, you have fun hanging out and all but you don’t think you’re ready to pour out all your fears and secrets to him yet. Which is quite hypocritical as you basically just emptied out your heart in front of him, he even walked you home so maybe you were closer to him than once anticipated. Whatever it was, you were glad to have somebody like him back in your life. Soon, sleep took over your body has the clock read 2:24, earlier than you had thought and earlier than most nights, you gratefully fell asleep in hope that the nightmares would leave you be tonight. You’ve had enough for once.

~

Coffee mug in hand, and a bouquet of flowers on your left, you sat on the stairs leading up to your apartment complex - it was a quarter after ten and you were worried Jisung forgot about you. Right as you were getting ready to turn around and go back inside a silver car pulled up on your block, and as the window rolled down you could see Jisung sitting in the inside - music blasting through the speakers. He was wearing a simple grey sweatshirt and a black jacket over it, his grey-blonde hair still messy from the previous night of sleep.

Jisung waved his hand before leaning over and opening the passenger side door, relief rushed through you as you walked over to the car and as climbed into the seat next to him. Jisung turned down the radio and turned to you as you buckled your seat belt and put down your coffee mug in a cup holder next to you.

“Sorry I was a bit late I was busy getting that,” Jisung laughed a little before he pointed to behind him in the back of the car, where around five more bouquets of flowers and a couple wreaths sat. “I couldn’t decide on what flowers to get so I just kinda asked them to choose and stuff so-”

“Jisung, y-you didn’t have to do that...you don’t even have to take me there yet here you are being the sweetest human being.” You sat there astounded at the array of flowers that lay behind you.

“Well, it feels right and I wanted to,” Jisung scratched the back of his neck before he faced the front once again and turned the music back up. “You ready?”

“Probably not.” Jisung shrugged and smiled at you.

“That’s ok, no one ever is, are they?”

Looking down at your lap where you placed your small bouquet you gave yourself a sad smile and Jisung started driving down the street - music playing in the background you whispered only loud enough for yourself to hear.

“No, I guess not.”

~

The graveyard is quiet on a Friday morning, in the distance you can see few families gathering together to honor their passed loved ones. Surprisingly you can also see those who have already passed, some stand next to their family as they smile at them, others seem to be wandering aimlessly through the grass and trees further away. You shook your head and attempted to pay them no mind, Jisung and you were a bit too busy carrying flowers to think of anything else at this moment anyway.

You passed multiple rows of graves before you found a spot that was even remotely familiar, at this point you felt your breath grow heavy and your legs started to feel like they were being weighed down by chains. Your arms dropped everything you were carrying without a care in the world as soon as your eyes landed on the tombstone, the truth is, you hadn’t seen it until this point. Now, you felt your knees buckle under you as you heard a worried Jisung cry out your name. But you were too busy focusing on what laid in front of you.

Here Lies

Christopher Bang

A beloved son, brother, friend and lover.

Soon the tears started to fall and they seemed to have no plan on stopping, burying your face in your hands, the sounds of what could only be sobbing erupted from your mouth. You really weren’t prepared to see this, it felt too real, maybe up until now everything felt a bit surreal. Maybe, given time, you could’ve convinced yourself that it was all a bad dream. But now, being here, it all came crashing down on you at once. He really is gone.

You felt the warm presence of Jisung sit down next to you, he placed his hand on your back and took your hand in his.

“I’m gonna go back and get some stuff from the car, who knows, maybe it’ll be good for you to sit here on your own for a bit,” You could hear Jisung stand back up and take a couple steps back, face still buried in your hands you hear the wind rustle the grass and trees around you. “I’ll be back in a bit.” Jisung’s footsteps grew faint as the seconds ticked by and as you finally looked back up at the tombstone in front of you.

“Well, it sure has been a while hasn’t it Chan…” The distant conversations people are having as well as the rare chirp from a nearby bird seem to be the only other noise you can hear other than yourself. Sitting cross-legged on the grass you found yourself playing with a small rose in your hands, unsure of what to do - or say.

“You know, I’m not sure if you would be disappointed or proud of me at this point. For starters I haven’t really done much at all since well, you know...but I did make a friend. Yeah I know, I’m surprised too. But he reminds me a lot of you, he’s like a younger version more or less. He makes music too, and it’s honestly really good, you two would hit it right off if you met. Maybe you could’ve made something together, I don’t know.” You found that the tears had slowed down now, a few droplets fell only every so often.

“I can imagine what you would be saying to me right now, ‘time goes, and we can’t change what happens’ probably something under those lines. But still, without you here I keep wondering if ‘should I just give up?’ Before I lost my mind, the one who stood in front of me was always you. You always held onto me and told me to hold on a little longer, these days, starting to feel better is my one wish, it’s what I’m thinking about mostly but I’m not sure on how to fulfill that without you.” You sniffed and looked up at the sky, reading the words over and over again became too painful to do anymore.

“Y-you know I always told you you were gonna make it one day but look where we are now, honestly I think it should’ve been me, not you. You still had so much to offer the world.”

“y/n don’t you ever talk about yourself like that,” Whipping your head around you saw that Jisung had now returned with a couple more wreaths and flowers to decorate with. “I’m pretty sure Chan would tell you the same thing.”

“I-” You started in protest.

“No don’t say anything, help me with these, yeah?” He motioned to the pile of bouquets the two of you had brought, slowly standing up and wiping your jeans you walked over and grabbed one of the small wreaths of flowers before placing it directly in the middle of the tombstone. Nodding your head in satisfaction you turn back around you help Jisung with the rest, placing them in different spots and you almost ended up covering the entire front. When looking from a distance it really stands out compared to everyone else, it was quite a display and you were pretty happy with it. Chan would’ve liked this. You thought before stepping back and admiring your ten minutes of work, a smile found itself plastered on your face as a few tears still dropped down your cold cheeks.

“You know,” Jisung started as he found a spot standing next to you. “Shadows need light to exist, so don’t worry, you’ll get through this.” A soft chuckle was heard from you as you nodded your head and wiped your face of any remaining tears.

“Chan would’ve said that too,” You took the small rose you had been holding and planted a small kiss on the top of it before settling it in front of the grave. “Always one with words he was.”

“You ready?” Taking a few steps back you turned to Jisung and nodded your head, slowly walking passed him and down the hill, pass the wanders and other families all the way back to the car - Jisung only a couple steps behind you.

“Thank you for this,” You said as you closed the door on your side of the car. “Really, it means a lot.” Jisung turned the keys and started the engine before smiling at you.

“Anytime, y/n.”

The car pulled out of the small parking lot and through the gates, you took one more look of the hill now behind you. A small gasp escaped your lips as you could see Chan sitting ever so calmly next to his grave, picking up the rose you left before looking back up at the sky. The wind running through his blonde curls as you could clearly see a content smile across his face. He looked happy.  

“y/n, you ok?” Jisung asked, looking back one more time you could see that Chan had disappeared once again, the small red rose now flying in the wind.

“Oh yeah, everything will be just fine.”

[whitewitchdani]

Infinitely Different: Chapter 4

Read Chapter 3 Here

Word Count: 1419

Pairing: Winchester!Sister Reader x ???

Warnings: Language

A/N: Chapter 4! Yaaaaaay! lol. I hope you guys like this next chapter. As always feedback is welcome and let me know if you’d like to be tagged!

Infinitely Different Masterlist

Even though everyone wasn't supposed to meet for another hour, you decided to head over to the boarding house. Hopefully, you could catch up with the boys and maybe raid Damon's bourbon stash. God knows you'd probably need it. 

You loved both of the Salvatore brothers to death, but damn if you and Damon didn't just butt heads all the time. You argued a lot and it may seem like you hate each other but when push came to shove, Damon was one of the best friends you'd ever had. He took a long time to warm up to you when you first arrived in Mystic Falls, being a hunter and all, but after you saved him from being bitten by a rogue werewolf, he realized you were a friend. Your personalities were similar and tended to clash, but when it mattered, Damon was a good friend. You realized he was one of your best friends when you stumbled into the boarding house one night after a particularly nasty ghost hunt a couple towns over. You laughed to yourself as you recalled the memory. 

The ghost had impaled your left side with a metal rod in an attempt to keep you from its body, unsuccessfully, and you had somehow stayed conscious long enough to drive back to the boarding house and stumble inside. Damon was the only one home and smelled the blood as soon as you entered. 

"What the hell happened?!" He sped to where you were leaning against the doorframe and brought you to one of the couches. 

"Casper the dickbag ghost happened. He wasn't very happy when I started salting his bones. Stabbed me but I managed to burn them, sending him straight to Hell hopefully." 

You winced as Damon lifted your shirt to look at the wound. The room was spinning and you were getting extremely lightheaded. "Damon..." Your eyes fluttered as blood loss tried to drag you into unconsciousness. 

Damon smacked you a little, "Hey. Hey! You gotta stay awake. Shit," He knew he had to heal you but that you weren't going to be happy about it. He bit his wrist and held it to your mouth, "Drink." You tried to push it away. 

"Dammit, Y/N. Either you drink it or you bleed out on my couch and die. And I like this couch." 

You let out a breathy laugh, wincing as it made the pain in your side shoot through your body. Dammit, you knew he was right. You latched on to Damon's wrist and drank until he decided you had enough and pulled away.

"My god that was fucking awful," you grimaced as you wiped your mouth.

"You're welcome," He said with his signature smirk. "Come on, I'll take you upstairs so you can get some sleep." 

He insisted on carrying you up to your room in the boarding house, laying you on your bed while he took up residence in a chair. You talked for a while, regaling him with the exaggerated tale of that night’s hunt until you fell asleep. You woke up in the middle of the night that night and noticed he had never left, fast asleep in the chair in the corner of the room. He was too worried to leave you alone. And that's when you realized that Damon Salvatore was one of your best friends. 

You pulled into the drive of the boarding house and parked. You couldn't help but smile; even after 2 years pulling into this place still felt like coming home. You strolled through the front door without knocking, "Honey, I'm home!" You heard a book drop in the other room and Stefan appeared in front of you. 

"Y/N?" He looked at you confused at first and then smiled, pulling you in for a hug. 

"What's shakin', Salvatore?" You pulled away from the hug and made your way to the parlor. 

"It's really good to see you, Y/N. We've missed you around here." 

"I've missed you guys too. And I've missed this house. I don't mind the danger and the blood and guts that comes with hunting, but bouncing around cheap motels blows." 

You and Stefan both laughed as he sat on the couch and you browsed the bar. "Damon still keep the good stuff in his underwear drawer?" you asked with a smirk. 

Stefan threw his head back and laughed, "As far as I know. I'm pretty sure he's still upset you found out about his hiding spot." 

"I'm a hunter, you can never hide the good booze from me. Speaking of, where is the less handsome Salvatore?" 

"Blood bag run. Should be home soon." 

"Perfect. Don't tell him I'm stealing his bourbon!" You yelled over your shoulder as you ran up the stairs to Damon's room. 

You walked in and flopped down on his bed. Still the most comfortable bed in existence, you thought to yourself with a laugh. You sat up and looked around. Nothing had changed in the two years you'd been gone: still a beautiful room, awesome freaking bathroom, and way too many black V-necks. 

Rolling across the king sized bed, you made your way to his dresser, pulling open the first drawer and rifling through it. You finally found it shoved in the very back left corner, pulling the bottle of amber liquid out with an "Aha!" As you spun around, the dark haired vampire was there leaning in the doorway with a smirk. 

"You know, if you wanted to root around in my underwear, all you had to do was ask." 

You rolled your eyes. "Don't be crude, Damon. I just know where you like to hide the good stuff," you shot back at him as you opened the bottle and took a swig. You relished the burn as the bourbon slid down your throat, the taste much better than the cheap stuff you were normally forced to buy.

"Hey! You know, I keep that stuff hidden for a reason. There's plenty of alcohol for you to choose from downstairs." He replied in a singsong manner as he took the bottle from your hands. 

"Spoil sport," you spit back as you stuck your tongue out at him. He returned the bottle to his underwear drawer before turning to envelop you in a giant hug. 

"It's good to see you, kid. I've missed you around here."

You smiled and dug your head into the crook of his neck as you deepened the hug, feeling some of the built up tension leave your body. "I missed you too." 

Damon smiled against your hair and kissed your forehead before pulling away, "So, to what do we owe the pleasure of having the big bad Y/N Winchester back here in little ole Mystic Falls?" He sat down on the foot of the bed with a smirk and patted the bed next to him, signaling you to join him. 

"Stefan didn't tell you? They were investigating the deaths of those campers and when they found out it wasn't a vampire they called me in. So here I am to save little ole Mystic Falls from the big bad Wendigo that is most likely lurking out there." 

"I thought your brothers wouldn't let you have anything to do with this place?" Damon asked with a confused look. 

You rolled your eyes, "First of all I'm an adult and my brothers don't have to LET me do anything. But we weren't together when I got the call anyways. We've been apart for a year now, I've been hunting solo." 

"Seriously they force you to leave then ditch you to hunt alone?" Damon was getting angry. He came close to ripping their hearts out when they made you leave last time and this is how they treated you? 

You let out a long sigh, "Not exactly. About a year after I left, my brothers and I were on a case in Missouri when Dean for some reason decided to bring up Mystic Falls and you guys and how I'm irresponsible and stupid for playing house with bloodsuckers. It ended in a giant fight, and I just kinda left. Started hunting on my own." 

It was Damon’s turn to roll his eyes. He was about to comment on how your brothers were dicks when Stefan's voice called from downstairs announcing the arrival of the rest of the Scooby gang. 

You got up, turned to Damon, and clapped your hands together with a smile, "Let's go plan the murder of a monster shall we?"

Read Chapter 5 Here

Tag List:

@lovesamwinchester

@winchesterxtwo

@assass-is-here

@rosethesupernaturalhunter

[hurtsy-fiction]

Day X - part 4

I’m so sorry, I never planned on taking this long for the next chapter but time flies as it seems. It feels like it was yesterday that I posted the first part. Anyway, I hope you kinda like this one. 

Info: Due to personal reasons I won’t be able to write in the next weeks or maybe months so there won’t be any new stuff from me for a while, I’m sorry. 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

“So he run away again?”, Marc asked the singer, placed two bottles of beer on the table in front of them and sat down beside said man.

“Yeah.”, Theo uttered and sighed.

To be honest, he had hoped Adam would still be asleep when he came back but he had found his apartment empty, as always.

“The boy is playing hard to get as it seems, huh?”, his friend said and smiled as he grabbed one of the previously opened bottles and took a sip of it.

“Well, either that or he’s just really not interested in me as I thought at first.”, the singer gave back disheartened.

“Oh Theo, come on! You can’t be serious! Do you not notice how he acts when he’s around you? How he always blushes and gets all shy?”, the other man stated with a smile.

“Sure I do. But other times he seems so distant and uncomfortable.”, Theo sighed.

“Maybe that’s because you’re a popstar and he’s your fan?”, Marc suggested.

At that Theo turned towards his manager and looked at him with furrowed brows.

The man sighed before he continued, “Look, I mean he’s probably admiring you for ages, way longer than you even know he exists and now you two have already shared a bed and probably some other things as well, you invite him for coffee. I mean what do you expect from him? Of course it freaks him out.”

“I just want him to like me.”, Theo mumbled and now grabbed a bottle as well and brought it up to his lips, taking a big gulp.

He had to think about that night in the hotel room back in London. The way Adam had acted and what is more, how he had reacted to his kisses. The singer had to smile at the memory.

“What are you thinking about?”, Marc asked, seeing the dreamy smile on his friend’s face.

“I think you may be right.”, Theo replied.

“Of course I am! And now stop worrying so much. After all, he did take your note with your number on it with him, didn’t he?”

“He did.”, Theo gave back and looked down at his phone, as if he hoped the man would call him.

To his surprise, his phone actually lit up and informed him that he had gotten a message.

Impatiently he opened it, his eyes quickly scanning the text and a bright smile covering his features.

“What is it?”, Marc asked, seeing the man’s reaction. “Is it him?”, he guessed.

“Yes”, Theo gave back excitedly.

“But why does he always think he annoys me?”, he muttered, more to himself, as he reread the text.

“I guess it’s just quite uncommon that your celebrity crush actually likes you back.”, his manager chuckled.

“I’m just gonna call him.”, the singer suddenly said, only to be stopped by the other.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, to be honest.”, Marc quickly said before the other could press the green button.

“Why not?”, Theo asked and turned to look at him.

“Did you even listen to what I told you like a minute ago? It’ll freak the hell out of him if your name suddenly appears on his screen.”, his friend stated as a matter of fact. “Give him some time to adjust to this new situation”, he added.

There was silence for a moment.

“Fine... I’ll send a message then.”, Theo eventually mumbled, figuring the other was probably right and quickly typed out a text.

He waited for a reply in vain though.

+++ a few days later +++

Adam had met up with two his friends in his apartment in Manchester. It was already late in the evening and they were sitting around his kitchen table as he reported them about his recent encounter with the singer after their night out. Understandably, the girls had been worried as he had just disappeared without telling anyone where he went and he felt bad about it but he really hadn’t felt like talking to anyone back then. Luckily, he had a bunch of super awesome friends though who didn’t blame him for it. Of course they were all super excited that he had somehow managed to come across Theo yet again though.

Unfortunately, Emily and Hanna couldn’t make it to the meeting but they’d certainly be soon informed about every tiny detail by the other girls.

“I can’t believe you’re so god damn lucky! I mean how often does it happen you just randomly bump into your favourite singer? And you already met him several times! This has to mean something!”, Sandra stated, clearly excited.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it lucky when your favourite singer sees you looking like shit, crying and is on top of that the reason for it.”, Adam uttered, still feeling embarrassed about it.

“But at least you now know that he had absolutely no interest in those girls from the club!”, Sandra put into account.

“True that!”, Simone agreed. “You know what, I really think you should take the next step and ask him for his number next time you meet him.”, she suggested seriously.

Hearing that, Adam almost choked on the sip of tea he had just taken and started coughing violently.

“Oh my god. You already have his number, don’t you?”, Sandra thus detected.

The man only nodded meagerly and avoided looking at the girls.

“And you haven’t used it?”, the girl asked concerned.

“I uh... I did send him a message when I was home.”, the man uttered.

“Okay now what did you write?”, Sandra asked further.

“I thanked him for being so kind to me...”, Adam replied quietly.

“Adam. Oh Adam. Mate you really gotta step up your game or you’ll shy him away.”, Simone stated.

“Did he reply though?”, Sandra interrupted curiously.

“Yeah...”, the man gave back, seeming embarrassed about this whole situation.

“Show me.”, the girl demanded.

Adam sighed but got out his phone, opened the message and handed the device to his friend.

Sandra took it with a smile and started reading. The smile fell as soon as she was done with that though.

“Please tell me you called him and you two talked on the phone for hours.”, she said and hopefully looked over at her friend.

Instead, Adam looked absolutely devastated, his eyes getting glassy as he slightly shook his head.

“Oh god, Adam.”, she said, put the phone onto the table and hurried over behind him, letting her hand wander over his back in a soothing manner.

“What? What is it? What did he write?”, Simone asked worriedly, seeing her friend’s reaction.

“Well, basically he wants to meet up with him.”, Sandra said.

“What?!”, Simone shrieked, “And you didn’t reply?”.

“I just didn’t know what to do.”, Adam mumbled and took a shaky breath.

“I mean I always more or less met him accidentally. Setting a time and place to meet up with him would seem like a date and this just totally freaked me out. He’ll find out what a boring loser I actually am and never wants to see me again.”, the man uttered.

“Dude, believe me when I say you’re absolutely not boring. He wants to meet up with you because he’s interested in you and wants to spend time with you to get to know you.”, Simone stated with a smile.  

“I just don’t wanna screw this up.”, Adam sighed.

“You won’t! I’m sure you two’ll have loads of fun and spend a wonderful day together.”, Sandra beamed at him.

“And what if he wants to go somewhere public and people see us and start talking?”, Adam put into account.

“Oh god, Adam. You could just tell him that you don’t want to go somewhere public.”, Simone said with a smile.

“And make him think I want to be alone with him, get him drunk and spend the night with him and maybe take some pictures or videos and boast with it on the net?”

“Dude, I think he’d be totally up for fucking you but you’re clearly overthinking this. He knows you’re not that kind of guy. If that’s what you wanted you’d have surely already done it back in London.”, Sandra stated, having a point.

Adam groaned embarrassed at that and sighed heavily.

“I just don’t know what to do.”, the man uttered and brought up his hands to bury his face.  

“Alright, I’ll tell you what you’ll do.”, Sandra said and sat down on the free chair next to the man, pulling his hands away from his face.

“You’ll stop crying, get your shit together and call Theo to tell him you’ll be in London on the weekend. You can stay at my place in case you won’t spend the night with him and don’t even dare to object anything.”, the girl stated.

“But-“, Adam tried but was quickly interrupted by Sandra.

“What did I say?”, she said and pointed a warning finger at him.

“I can’t call him!”, the man shrieked. “What if I-“

“You’re tantalizing him since days now, he deserves a call.”, Simone said with the man’s phone in her hand and dialed the singer’s number.

“What the hell?! Are you crazy? I can’t do this! I’m not ready!”, Adam shrieked and tried to take his phone away from the girl opposite but Simone wouldn’t let him.

“Stop worrying, it’ll be fine.”, she said with a smile and waited until Theo’d pick up so Adam couldn’t chicken out.

“Oh god, I’ll make a total fool out of myself.”, the man sighed and sat back down.

As Simone heard the singer answer the call, she quickly handed the phone back to her scared friend.

Adam took a deep breath before he eventually took the phone with a shaky hand and brought it up to his ear.

“Hello?”, he heard Theo ask and could hear some loud music playing in the background.

Great, the other was probably at some super cool party and he had to disturb him. He was tempted to just end the call already but then the singer would probably be even more annoyed at him.

“H-hi”, the older one eventually uttered awkwardly and immediately felt like hitting his head against a wall. “It’s Adam.”, he added quietly.

“Adam?!”, Theo repeated and he could hear a door close, muting the loud music a bit.

“My Adam?”, he asked and Adam almost felt his heart crack at that.

“Uh n-no... We uh- I mean... You invited me for some coffee the other day.”, he replied quietly.

“Oh my god it’s really you, I can’t believe it!” the singer slurred and he could hear that he was smiling.

Adam couldn’t help but blush heavily at that. So the other had just really meant him when he said my Adam? Good god.

“So what’s up? How do I get the honor of you calling?”, Theo asked happily.

“I uh... I just called to say- I mean I uh- wanted to tell you that uhm... I’ll be in London on the weekend and uh I was wondering if- I mean if you meant what you wrote the other day and have time that uhm... we could maybe meet? I mean, only if you want to of course!”, he stuttered awkwardly and brought his left hand up to hide his face as he felt his head being deep red.

“Oh really?! Wait, give me a second.”, the singer replied and he could hear some rustling and quiet cursing which made him grin.

After some moments of silence, he could hear Theo speak again.

“Adam?”, he asked.

“Yeah, I’m still here.”, the older one answered, chewing on his lower lip.

“So Marc planned this record label anniversary party on Friday which I have to attend but I can bring some company. So, if you’d like to join me...?”, the singer asked.

“Oh, uhm... I don’t know. I mean-“, Adam was about to kindly decline the man’s offer as he imagined himself being at his favourite singer’s record label’s party quite awkward. And on top of that as company of said favourite singer.

“Please?”, the other suddenly asked and Adam was speechless for a moment.

“It’d be much more fun with you there.”, Theo continued as Adam still didn’t answer.

“You think so?”, the man eventually replied and let out a nervous chuckle.

“Of course! So are you coming with me?”, the singer asked.

“Uhmm...”, the older one hesitated.

“Oi!  Say that you’re coming with me.”, the singer demanded, more jokingly than actually serious though.

The other slightly chuckled at that.

“Say it!”, Theo repeated and he could hear that the singer was grinning.

“Alright, fine.”, he gave in, not able to resist this man as he apparently really meant what he had said.

“Alright, fine what?”, Theo demanded an explicit reply.

“I’ll come with you to the party.”, Adam answered dutifully and had to smile widely.

“Alright, awesome! I’ll text you the address. See you on Friday!”, the singer said happily.

“Ok yeah, see you.”, the other gave back with a pounding heartbeat and ended the call.

He looked up at the girls, feeling his head being deep red yet again and saw them beaming at him.

“So, party?”, Sandra was the first to ask with a huge smile on her face.

“He uh... He invited me to some party of his record label.”, he uttered, put his phone into his pocket and started nervously fumbling with the hem of his pullover.

“Holy moly, Adam that is a date!”, Sandra squealed excitedly.

“Oh my god! Okay but what did he say at the beginning?”, Simone asked.

“What do you mean?”, Adam replied, not quite understanding.

“You blushed so heavily I already feared you’d collapse.”, Simone thus explained grinning.

Adam couldn’t help but blush yet again at the memory, a goofy smile on his lips.

“He was drunk...”, the man uttered, his gaze fixated onto the floor.

“Oh my god! What did he say?”, Sandra inquired as well now.

“Did he confess his love to you?”, Simone guessed, her hands coming up to cover her mouth to mute some eventual excited squeals that dared to break lose.

“No! God, no.” Adam quickly replied and shook his head repeatedly.

“So what did he say then?”, the girl asked.

“He uh... He called me his Adam.”, the man answered and his head turned as red as a tomato yet again while the girls squealed excitedly.

+++

So now the big day had come. Adam would’ve loved to have his friends as emotional stability with him but unfortunately they all either had to work or were at uni and thus couldn’t accompany him. He himself was lucky to have gotten the whole day off so he could properly prepare for the party, well as far as that was possible at least. Anyway, of course they had chatted for hours the day before and the girls had painted out various scenarios of how the evening would turn out. He had also gotten messages from all of them early in the morning telling him they’ll keep their fingers crossed and he shouldn’t worry too much and just enjoy it. However, that still didn’t change the fact that he was all by himself right now.  

Adam was nervous. He had just taken a shower and felt himself being sweaty again already. Thus, he quickly put on some deodorant before he walked into his bedroom where he had already put his chosen outfit onto the bed.

Adam had spent the whole day worrying what he should wear to the party. As it was quite an official occasion with high society guests, it was without question that a more elegant outfit was appropriate, but he didn’t want to exaggerate it either. It wasn’t as if he had that much of a choice anyway though.

In the end, he had settled with a black collarless shirt and black jeans, topped with his dark blue coat and headed towards the train station.

+++

About two and a half hours later he had arrived at his destination and walked into the direction of the club. He had never been in this area of London but had of course checked it out online so he wouldn’t get lost.

As he turned round the corner, he could already hear some music and saw loads of people standing there, having a chat with friends or a cig before they’d walk inside. When he came closer, he saw the name of the club in illuminated letters and let out a breath of relief. At least he had found the place.  But how would he find Theo amongst all of these people? He was probably chatting with some friends of his’ and he didn’t fancy interrupting a conversation, especially because he had no idea what to say to him.

He was already starting to freak out, as he heard someone call his name. He turned into the direction where the sound had come from and was relieved when he saw Marc approaching him.

“Hey Adam!”, the man greeted him.

“Hi”, he siad meekly.

“I’m glad you came. Theo’ll be very happy to see you.”, Marc stated with a smile, resulting in Adam’s cheeks turning rosy.

“I’m sure he’ll join us in a bit. You can come with me until then if you like.”, the manager suggested.

“Oh, yes please.”, Adam replied, glad that he didn’t have to stand around all by himself like a lost puppy amongst strangers.

The kind man led him to a group of people consisting of artists and employees of the record label. They all greeted him and seemed to be really nice, thus he didn’t feel as uncomfortable around them anymore. He even managed to hold a conversation with a kind lady in a tiny dress and a red furish coat, who turned out to be an aspiring singer.

However, he didn’t know how much time had passed but Marc eventually spotted the singer in the crowd and thus shouted for him to come over.

“Hey mate! Good to see you.”, Marc smiled and moved to hug the man, patting his back a few times.

Adam felt his heartbeat speeding up as soon as he had set his eyes onto Theo. His mouth got dry and his mind felt blank. As always when he the other was around.

Theo then moved to greet the little group one after the other and shook their hands. As he arrived at Adam, he had a bright smile on his face.

Before he could say anything to him though, Marc beat him to it and said, “I think our friend here could use one of your special hugs.”

“Yeah?”, Theo asked grinning, his eyes never leaving Adam’s face which by now was already slightly flushed.

“You ready?”, he asked the nervous man but didn’t even wait for a reply.

Instead he wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly before he slightly lifted him up and swirled him around, resulting in an surprised squeal leaving Adam’s mouth and his arms coming round the singer’s neck instinctively, holding on tightly.  

Theo eventually stopped and put him down again, his arms still wrapped around him though. Adam moved his hands from the other’s neck to his shoulders and shyly glanced up at him. When he saw him smile brightly, he couldn’t help but smile back too, his cheeks reddened.

“Hello, by the way.”, the singer grinned.

“Hi”, Adam mumbled awkwardly and felt his face being deep red.

“Come on, let’s get inside.”, Theo said and let go of the older one, Adam mirroring his move.

The singer sent him another smile before he placed his hand onto his back to guide him along.  

+++

The whole venue was fancily decorated, little round tables where people were having little snacks and drinks. Of course, there were also highly clichéd oysters and plenty of champagne amongst all kinds of various snacks and drinks. Seeing all this food made his stomach growl in protest. Due to his nervousness, he hadn’t been able to eat anything today yet. However, there was also nice music playing from the speakers but no one was dancing.

Theo led him to a table where Marc and some of the people he had met outside were standing and grabbed two glasses of champagne for himself and his company from a waiter who was balancing a whole tray of glasses with one hand on the way.

“Thanks”, Adam mumbled as he took the offered glass from the singer and quickly took a sip.

“Don’t worry, we won’t spend too much time here.”, Theo said to him as they arrived at the table.

“I’m not too much a fan of such events but Marc insists I attend them. After all, they signed me.”, the singer chuckled and took a sip of his drink as well.

“At least there’s drinks and food.”, Adam joked and felt his heart race at the look the other sent him.

“True that.”, Theo smiled and lifted his glass.

Adam grinned shyly as he lifted his glass as well to clink with the singer.

“Cheers”, the younger man said before he took another sip.

“Cheers”, Adam smiled and mirrored his movement.

“Thanks for accompanying me by the way”, the singer stated fondly and saw an adorable smile form on the older one’s face.

“I have to admit, I was quite surprised that you called.”, Theo said.

“Uhhh well...”, Adam started uncomfortably and cleared his throat. “To be honest, my friends practically forced me to it.”, he admitted.

“Oh did they?”, the singer asked smiling and took a mental note to thank them personally. “Well, cheers to them then!”, he chuckled and they clinked their glasses again.

There was silence for a moment, which made Adam a bit uncomfortable, thus he quickly said the first thing that came to his mind.

“I uhm... I’m sorry for falling asleep in your living room the other day by the way.”, Adam mumbled. “I didn’t mean to-“, he wanted to continue but was interrupted by the other.

“You mean my kitchen.”, the singer stated and smiled at him slyly, taking another sip of his champagne.

“...W-what?”, the older one asked and looked at him confusedly, not quite understanding.

“You fell asleep on a chair in my kitchen.”, Theo clarified. “I just thought it’d be more comfortable to sleep on the couch, so I carried you there.”, he added.

“You- Oh...“, Adam uttered and blushed heavily.

So that’s why he couldn’t remember getting into the other’s living room. Because he didn’t.

“God that’s embarrassing, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to fall asleep I just hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before.”, he blurted and stared at the floor.

“Hey hey, no need to be sorry. It’s alright.”, Theo smiled at him. “You did look quite... worn-out.”, he added and Adam couldn’t help but blush, remembering the cause for his miserableness.

“You can say it, you know.”, Adam muttered, staring at his glass uneasily. “That I looked like shit.”

“Now that I think back, I don’t even know how I can ever face you again after you saw me like that.”, the older man went on.  

“Hey, now don’t say that! We all have our ups and downs and you really don’t have to be ashamed of anything.”, Theo reassured and sent him a sincere smile.

“Thank you”, Adam mumbled and dared to look at him again, a faint smile on his lips.  

“So, was that why you didn’t reply to my message? Because you were afraid to face me again?”, the singer then asked.

Adam lowered his gaze again and sighed.

“Well, kind of, yeah.”, he admitted. Keeping all his other worries to himself though.

“Oh thank god.”, the younger one suddenly mumbled, making the other look up at him frowning.

“Sorry, that came out wrong. I just- I mean I was worried it was because you figured out I’m not the kinda guy you thought and lost interest in me.”, the singer explained.

“You really thought that?”, Adam asked dumbfound and was speechless for a moment.

“God, I’m so sorry, if I had known you’d worry about it I’d have replied right away! It’s just, I’ve embarrassed myself in front of you so many times already and then you saw me like that and... I thought maybe that was the last straw for good.“, the older one eventually uttered.

“Well, you won’t get rid of me that easily, I can tell you that.”, Theo said and sent him an adorable smile at which Adam couldn’t help but smile back.

+++

About two hours of small talk with important members of the industry, three speeches and some more or less entertaining show acts later some guests of the party got quite visibly bored of the event and were mainly only jollying themselves along with wine and champagne. Adam on the other hand didn’t mind that at all. He could’ve listened to ten more men or women talking about the history of a global firm and would still not be tired of it. It wasn’t as if he’d be super interested in what they were saying, not at all. He just enjoyed being with Theo, regardless of the circumstances.

Anyway, speaking of the singer, Theo suddenly leaned closer to the older man and said one felt his heartbeat quicken in an instant.

“Wanna go to a real party?”, Theo spoke into his ear.

Adam felt his neck hair rise at the sudden closeness but nodded and followed the singer through the crowded room, which wasn’t so easy because there were groups of people everywhere.

+++

On the way out of the venue, a couple of the singer’s friends, who were quite bored of the record label party as well, joined them and together they walked through London looking for a proper club.

They soon had found one and because he was out with celebrities, they came into the club right away, without having to queue like dozens of other party goers.

However, as they had had another round of drinks the group was now enjoying themselves on the dance floor, even though Theo did get recognised by quite a few fans who politely asked for a photo. Of course the singer patiently posed for a selfie with all of the girls and Adam could see them all beaming from happiness. He was just glad that none of them paid much attention to the singer’s company, as they just had eyes for the man himself.

+++

As they were heading home, the group came across some photo booth. Needless to say, the five men immediately hurried inside the cubicle. Adam walked over to them with a smile but stayed outside.

“Oi, Adam! Come in here!”, a guy named Alex shouted for the man, holding the curtain back.

“It’s alright”, the other shrugged it off and swayed a bit, not wanting to interrupt the group of friends. “The booth is full anyway.”, he added.

“Oh c’mon, get in!”, Theo’s excited voice was suddenly heard.

“You can sit on my lap.”, he added with a grin and patted onto his tighs.

Adam had already opened his mouth to decline but in the next moment, Alex grabbed him by his coat and just pulled him inside the cubicle.

“There you go”, the dark haired man stated and pushed Adam towards the singer, who promptly grabbed him and pulled him onto his lap sideways, arms firmly wrapped around his middle.

Adam felt a bit dizzy due to the hasty movement, but being that close to Theo quickly made him forget about that. And about everything else, actually.

“Alright, we’re ready!”, the singer then announced happily.

“Alright then! Three, two, one – go!”, a blonde man named Evan started the countdown before he pressed the button to start the machine.

The guys were dorking around and pulling faces while the photos were being taken. Their joyous laughter was heard loudly on the otherwise empty street outside.

After the three photos had been taken, the others already went outside the small cubicle, leaving Adam and Theo behind alone. To be fair, the singer could hardly stand up with the other sitting on top of him but Adam didn’t seem like he’d want to move anytime soon.

The older man looked at the other dreamily with a stupid grin on his face. Theo couldn’t help but smile back at that adorable sight. Adam’s gaze started to wander down to the singer’ lips before he looked up into his eyes again. Suddenly he leaned forward and drunkenly pressed a kiss to the other’s lips, resulting in Theo slightly crashing against the wall of the photo booth behind him.

As Adam pulled back again and was grinning even brighter, the singer couldn’t help but laugh. It wasn’t that he had had anything against that little peck but he also knew how shy the other usually was around him. He was desperate to change that though. He wanted the other to open up and feel comfortable around him. Maybe even kiss him properly but without having to drink himself some courage first.

To be honest, Theo had to admit that he had had a little crush on that man since he had seen him for the first time in the crowd at his concert. He had invited him for a drink afterwards to get to know him a bit better and it had turned out that Adam was a great guy. Shy but lovely. And pretty damn good looking.

“You’re drunk.”, Theo stated fondly and brought his hand up to slightly ruffle the other’s hair which made said one giggle drunkenly.

“C’mon, get up. We’ll get you to bed.”, the singer said and patted onto the other’s thigh.

Adam grumbled a bit but in the end did as told and got up from his comfy seat.

+++

“Any chance you remember where your friend lives?”, Theo asked as they were walking down the empty street.

Adam had just taken a big bite from the burger which the singer had bought for him as they had passed a McDonalds and the older one’s stomach had complained loudly due to the lack of food he had received today. The man seemed thoughtful for a moment as he chewed the delicious snack.

“Uh, I think it was something with road and a three at the end.”, Adam then slurred, seeming quite proud of himself that he actually remembered that.

“Something with road? That really narrows it down, doesn’t it?”, Theo replied and started laughing loudly.

The older one didn’t seem to get why the singer was suddenly laughing and thus looked at him with furrowed brows.

“What?”, he asked.

Instead of answering, Theo just cackled even harder though.

“God, you’re adorable.”, the singer eventually uttered as his laughing had tuned down a bit.

+++

Adam sighed contently as he turned around and snuggled into the comfy pillow, hugging the duvet close.

“Good morning”, a soft voice suddenly startled him though and his eyes opened instantly.

He was confused for a moment, as he didn’t remember where he was and what on earth was happening because he very well knew that voice. Thus, he sat up in shock, his eyes looking around the room before eventually settling on Theo. Oh. Oh dear.

“Theo?”, he asked totally gobsmacked.

“What-?!”, the man tried to ask then but was hindered to speak any further as a stinging pain in his head suddenly demanded attention.

“Oh fuck”, Adam thus groaned, his right hand reaching up to his head, his eyes closing.

“Here”, the voice of his host was heard right beside him in the next moment.

Thus, he opened his eyes again and saw a glass of weirdly colored water being held out towards him.

“For your head”, the singer smiled at him, nodding towards the liquid in his hand.

Adam took it with a mumbled “Thank you” and immediately felt his cheeks redden.

“Drink up”, Theo said gently. “It’ll help”, he added.

The older man did as told and took a few big gulps of the somewhat oddly tasting liquid.

“Pancakes or omelette?”, the kind man asked him then.

“What?”, Adam replied a bit dumbfound.

“I’ll make us breakfast. What do you like, pancakes or omelette?”, the singer therefore repeated his question.

“Oh uhm... I don’t know.. What do you prefer?”

“I like both, so it’s your decision.”, Theo replied with a smile.

Adam thought about it for a moment before he mumbled, “Omelette?”

“Omelette it is then.”, the singer said happily.

“I’ll go prepare breakfast and meanwhile you may take a shower or rest for a few more minutes. Just come to the kitchen when you’re ready, yeah?”, he asked.

The older man just hummed at that, not comfortable at all with the other spoiling him like that yet again.

Theo sent him another smile before he left the room.

Adam quickly downed the glass of whatever miraculous liquid the other had given him and already felt much better. He sighed deeply before he lay back down onto the soft mattress, closing his eyes, glad that the thumping of his head had stopped. A moment later, he opened them in a flash again though as he remembered where he was. He was in Theo Hutchcraft’s bedroom. Laying in said man’s bed. But did that mean... He shortly glanced next to him to see what he had already suspected. The bed-sheets on the other side of the bed were crumpled too. So he had yet again slept in one bed with the singer, the man’s own one in fact, and didn’t even remember a thing because he had been totally wasted? Well done mate.

The next thing he noticed was the t-shirt he was wearing though. He was a hundred percent sure that he had definitely not worn a t-shirt yesterday. Besides, it wasn’t the kind of t-shirt he’d usually buy. It looked and felt quite expensive actually. He took a closer look at the hem of it only to be proven right by yet another assumption. The brand turned out to be Armani. Well shit. So, did that mean that... Was he actually wearing a t-shirt from Theo?

He sat up again and felt like hitting himself on the head for being such an idiot but in the end decided against it in fear of his horrendous headache returning.

How late was it anyway?

He quickly leaned over to grab his phone from the nightstand to check the time. Shit, it was already afternoon. So he has already spent half the day with Theo without being aware of it? Oh god.

Anyway, as he looked at his phone, he also saw that he had a new message. From Sandra. Thus, he unlocked the device and opened the message.  

From Sandra, 7:22 am: Good morning my friend! So, as you didn’t spend the night at my place, I guess you spent it with Theo? Alright dude, I want a full report! Call me when you’re awake ;) xx

Of course, they were curious. There just wasn’t much to report as he had overslept most of the current day and didn’t remember much from the previous night due to too much alcohol. He sighed but eventually typed out a message.

From Adam, 1:02 pm: Hey! Yeah, I’m at Theo’s... He’s making breakfast. I’ll call you later! xx

From Sandra, 1:04 pm: OH MY GOOOOOOOOD!!!! 😱😱😱😱  Alright you lucky sod, enjoy your time with him but don’t forget calling me! We need information!!!!!!!!!! Like seriously OMFG!!!

Adam had to smile reading the message before he put his phone aside.

Anyway, he then took a quick shower and tried hard to suppress any inappropriate thoughts concerning him showering in the same shower where a certain singer had, judging by the wet tiles, showered just minutes before him. Uh yeah. However, as he was eventually done with cleaning himself, he changed into his clothes from the day before, that were neatly piled on a cupboard next to the bed.

+++

He made his way through Theo’s apartment, following the scent of eggs and onions into the already familiar kitchen where the other was busy making omelettes.

Adam cleared his throat, resulting in the singer turning around towards him.

“Uhm... I guess this is yours?”, he then asked and lifted up the grey t-shirt he was holding.

“Ah yes, right! I just thought you might get a little cold sleeping shirtless. You can keep it if you like.”, the singer replied with a smile.

“Oh uhm... Thank you. That was very kind. But I can’t possible keep such an expensive piece of clothing.”, Adam mumbled.  

“You know what, you’re right, actually.”, Theo suddenly agreed, turned the heat on the stove lower, so their breakfast wouldn’t burn, and walked over to Adam.

“I should charge you appropriately for it.”, he then stated to the other’s discomfort, because he didn’t have much money with him and the few bucks he had were actually meant for the train ticket back home. Adam had no idea how much such a simple looking Armani t-shirt actually did cost but figured it surely was a ridiculously exorbitant amount.

“Hmmm, let’s see.”, the singer hummed, took the t-shirt into his hands and examined it as if he tried to remember how much it had actually cost him.

“If I remember correctly this one was rather expensive but because I like you, really like you, you’ll get it for a special charge.”, the younger man eventually said.

“I think a kiss would be a fair price actually.”, Theo then announced, totally getting the other off guard.

Adam’s eyes went wide at that. Did the other just really say that?

“What?”, he thus uttered totally dumbfound, not believing what he had just heard.

“A kiss for a t-shirt.”, the singer repeated, a smile lingering on his lips.

“That expensive?”, the older man asked, trying to sound jokingly to overplay his massive awkwardness.

Theo shrugged at that, his smile getting bigger.

“After all it’s one of my favourites.”, the younger man explained.

What he left unspoken was that he got dozens of clothing from his favourite brands for free but Adam didn’t have to know that, did he?

“O-okay uhh..., then that’s fair I guess...”, Adam mumbled and felt his cheeks redden already.

He watched the other put the t-shirt onto the kitchen counter and walk closer to him until he was eventually standing right in front of him. The singer sent him an adorable smile, his hands settling onto the other’s hips, pulling him closer. Adam felt his heart hammer madly in his chest, his cheeks flushed. He then brought his arms up behind the singer’s neck and smiled at him shyly.

Adam took a deep breath, inhaling Theo’s scent before he closed his eyes and felt his breath hitching in his throat. He eventually leaned forward and in the next second his lips met the singer’s in a soft touch. He felt himself shaking as Theo responded to the kiss right away, the other’s arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him flush against the man’s body. Adam sighed softly, moving his lips against the one’s of the man of his dreams. He was sure Theo could feel his racing heartbeat but he didn’t even care. The other probably already knew that he was crazy for him anyway.

Suddenly there was an odd smell detectable though and in the next moment, the singer quickly pulled back and let go of him.

“Oh shit, the omelettes!”, Theo shrieked and hastily turned away from Adam, hurrying over to the stove.

Adam couldn’t help but laugh as he watched the singer save their breakfast but also felt bitter that their kiss had been interrupted.

Shortly after, the younger one sighed relieved and put the food on two plates before he turned towards him again. The omelettes were quite dark at certain parts but not burnt yet. He already felt his stomach grumble by looking at their appetizingly smelling breakfast.

“I do think I deserve a bonus for saving our food, you know.”, the singer smirked.

Adam grinned at him broadly, his cheeks still flushed but quickly crossed the distance between them, wrapped his arms around the younger one’s middle and pressed a loving kiss to his mouth.

As he pulled back and let go of him again, the other sent him his brightest smile ever and Adam couldn’t help but smile back stupidly happy.

“Here”, the younger one said, got the t-shirt from the counter and held it out towards him.

“Deal is deal”, he added and grinned widely.

“Thank you”, Adam mumbled and took the t-shirt into his hands.

“No, thank you.”, the singer smiled.

+++

After Adam had helped the singer with the dishes, despite the host insisting that he was his guest and didn’t have to do anything, they had moved to the singer’s big and comfy couch in the living room.

“You can come closer you know.”, Theo stated, as the other had sat down too far away for his likening.

“I mean judging by yesterday I thought you were more the cuddly guy.”

Adam’s eyes went wide as the other’s words had sunk in and realisation hit him.

“Oh god”, he groaned. “I’m sorry, I tend to snuggle things or well... people while sleeping.”, Adam muttered embarrassed.

“There’s absolutely no need to be sorry. I enjoyed it very much, actually.”, the singer stated and quickly saw the other’s cheeks redden at that.

‘Great. So you two have cuddled in bed and you don’t remember a thing. Good fucking job, mate.’, he angrily thought to himself.

As he was busy mentally scolding himself, he didn’t notice that the singer had moved awfully close and thus slightly gasped as he felt the other’s warmth right next to him. Suddenly Theo moved even closer though and had him straddled a moment later.

Adam gulped audibly, his mind catching up on the current situation. Here he was sitting on Theo Hutchcraft’s couch with his popstar crush sitting on top of him, grinning at him. What even?

After the initial shock had abated, he couldn’t help the broad smile forming on his face and hesitantly wrapped his arms around the younger man’s middle. The singer interlaced his arms behind his neck and leaned his forehead against the one of the man below. Adam took a shaky breath and felt goosebumps appear on his entire body. He was so damn close.

In the next moment, he felt the soft touch of lips on his own and his eyes fell shut immediately. He felt the other's heat and his weight pressing down on him, gentle hands slightly tugging on his hair. Eventually he responded to the kiss and pressed a couple of pecks to the other’s soft lips. Good thing he was already seated, otherwise his knees would probably give in beneath him. This was just so surreal.

Suddenly his low self-esteem and self-destructive thoughts found their way into his consciousness again though. What on earth did he do to deserve this? What was it that Theo saw in him? He could have anyone and yet here he was kissing the popstar. Why would the singer even hang out with someone like him, let alone get close to him?

“Something wrong?”, Theo asked, sensing the sudden mood change and leaned back a bit so he could properly look at him.

“No nothing, it’s just...”, Adam mumbled and sighed heavily.

“I mean out of everyone you could be with, you’re sitting here with me.”, he added quietly, not looking at the other.

At that the singer moved off him and sat down beside him again.

“Listen Adam, if you don’t want to be with me-“, he started hesitantly but didn’t get further than that.

“Of course I want to!”, the older man quickly interrupted him. “It’s just...”, he started and sighed, leaving the rest unspoken.

“And I want to be with you.”, the singer replied and looked at him fondly, resulting in the other finally facing him again as well.

“Is that really so hard to believe?”, he asked.

“Actually, yes”, the other gave back.

“Why’s that? You’re kind, funny, smart and bloody attractive. So now give me one good reason why you think you’re not good enough or shut up and kiss me.”, Theo stated.

Adam was about to open his mouth but the singer didn’t even let him take a breath. Instead, he grabbed the man’s head with both of his hands and pulled him into a loving kiss, almost making the other crash against him. Sure enough, the older one couldn’t find the strength to resist and responded right away.

+++

After some excessive making out, they ended up snuggling together on the cushioned heaven that was the singer’s couch.

They spent the whole afternoon talking about all kinds of things to get to know each other. Theo wanted to know everything about him, starting from his favourite colour or his favourite book to his friends or what an ordinary day in his life looked like. Even though Adam already knew quite a few things about the other, he loved hearing it from the man himself. He also didn’t want to admit how much he actually already knew about him though because he’d surely come across as a creep when he just was a deliberate fan.

However, he didn’t know how much time they had spent talking but he figured it surely were quite a few hours. As it already got slightly dark outside, Adam eventually sat up from his comfy position.

“Oh shit, what’s the time?”, he asked drowsily.

Theo pulled out his phone from his pocket and squinted his eyes at the sudden brightness for a moment before he replied “5:10 pm”.

“Damn I need to catch my train in twenty minutes!”, he groaned.

“You have to go already?”, the singer asked, sounding a tad sad and sat up as well.

“I was hoping you could stay a bit longer actually.”, he added.

“I wish I could but I have to work tomorrow.”, Adam sighed.

“On a Sunday?”, Theo inquired, his brows slightly furrowed.

“Yeah. Cafés usually don’t know weekends. I mean I’d have had the weekend off but then I swapped shifts with a colleague so I could have Friday off instead and now I have to take her’s on Sunday.”, he explained.

“Ah, I see.”, the younger man mumbled.

Adam was already on his feet and straightened his clothes, the singer’s eyes lingering on his body.

Eventually Theo got up too and escorted him to the door.

There the older one put on his shoes and his coat, which the other had neatly hung onto his wardrobe.

“Adam?”, the singer suddenly asked.

“Yes?”, the man asked as he closed the zipper and turned towards him.

“Can you promise me something?”

“Sure”, the other replied a bit hesitantly and maybe even a tad nervous.

“Call me after work tomorrow.”, Theo said.

“I will”, the older man agreed right away, a smile on his lips.

Theo took a step towards him and hugged him tightly, making Adam’s heart do a funny flip. The man eventually brought his arms up as well and hugged the other too, enjoying the closeness.

The singer then pulled back so he could look at him and moved in to press a kiss to his lips.

Adam’s eyes fluttered shut and his heart hammered madly in his chest yet again. Theo eventually pulled back, resulting in the older one’s eyes opening again only to fall shut right after as the singer planted another kiss onto his mouth.

“Bye”, Theo hummed as he pulled back again.

“Bye”, the older man replied a bit breathless.

The singer sent him a bright smile before he opened the door and watched Adam step out into the corridor. The older one shyly brought up his hand and waved a bit awkwardly. Theo smiled widely at that and enthusiastically waved back.

“And don’t forget to call me!”, the singer shouted after him as the man was already on his way down the stairs.

As Theo heard the front door open and close shortly after he went back into his apartment and closed the door. He leaned against it and sighed, a happy smile on his lips. He had to admit that he was a bit disappointed that he couldn’t spend the whole weekend with Adam, which had been the reason why he had invited him to the party in the first place and didn’t suggest to do something together on Saturday instead. Nonetheless, he had enjoyed every single second he had got to spend with him and was already looking forward to when Adam would call him tomorrow. 

Part 5

[acabloe]

Soon Goodbye, Now Love: Chapter Three

chapter one

chapter two

tw’s: cursing, religion? kinda? depression, anxiety 

still based on this song lol

a/n: psa I have done surprisingly little planning for this fic beyond the synopsis and basic plot-point interactions and ending so if you have some specific fluffy (or non winky face ((JUST KiDDING ⁱˢᴴʰ))) moments in mind for future chapters, my inbox is SO open and welcome also this will pick up pace after this chapter I promise, I just really needed to set up enough emotional stuff to make ur eyes wet later. ok das all read it n sheep.

Chapter Three: Draw the Oceans

Chloe stopped in her tracks and stepped backwards at the sight of such distress on the girl’s face. 

“Oh my God, I’m totally invading your privacy! I’m so sorry, I’ll leave you alone.” The girl had stopped as well and after a second of Chloe standing back with her hand over her mouth she reached forward and touched her back gently. Hoping she could add at least a small amount of positive energy into the situation, she quickly added “...Although, um, don’t take this the wrong way, but I can also stay with you if you just need to vent to someone who isn’t gonna judge you and who you’ll probably never see again- if thats what you need. Just let me know okay? It’s kind of my thing to go out of my way to make people feel better.” She smiled and made the kind of eye contact that she hoped would give off the most telepathically generous vibes.

The girl stared at Chloe, taken aback but still in consideration. A small split in the cover overhead had opened up briefly to illuminate the pair of them and Chloe saw her face for the first time. Her lips were sucked in and her eyes spilled shimmering streams down her cheeks . “I’m fine. Really. Thank you. I um...It’s...it’s complicated. It’s Really complicated.” Her voice broke on the word ‘really’ and her quaking hands passed to her face to rub at her eyes. Chloe begrudgingly let her do this contrary to her instincts of taking the girl’s wrists away and hugging her- she didn’t want to violate this stranger’s privacy more than she already had. She waited patiently for the girl to think about the situation while she kept her hand on her shoulder to stabilize her.

-

Beca’s stomach churned and she chewed her lip as she weighed her options. The three best responses that sprung to mind were not the most reliable ideas she’d ever had, but they would be better in the long run than simply to lay on the ground and give in to a breakdown.  Firstly, she could reject Chloe’s help and give no explanation for her current state, but ask her to keep walking with her ‘for comfort’ to hopefully form some kind of closer connection which she would use later to see her again. Secondly, she could, as fast as possible, concoct a story similar to the truth but somehow without mentioning the factors of reincarnation, the confirmation of some kind of legitimate higher power’s existence (or at least a medium power), that Chloe was supposed to die almost two years ago, and the matter that Beca was a fucking guardian angel. Or thirdly she could just tell Chloe the truth. The last one was, she admitted, both the worst idea and the most tempting one. No. She doesn’t know you, remember, she’s going to think you're high or something. (her brain did feel very unprepared for this sudden mental gymnastics, she thought.) Her heart physically ached with want to hold Chloe tightly and sob into her shoulder about how she thought she’d never see her again and how exhausted and lonely she felt. She sighed heavily and tried her best to smile without letting her emotions contort her face (harder than she expected) and prepared herself to express the second biggest lie she had ever told to her best friend.

“Thank you. I really appreciate that. Let’s keep walking...um, I’ll try not to bore you too much.” 

“No, no, please! Onward!”

Beca frowned as the comforting warmth in her shoulder from Chloe’s hand left her shoulder blade.

“Well...basically, a few years ago I had this friend. We...cared about each other a lot. We’d been really close since high school and we’d gone through some really tough shit together. She was there for me and I did my best to do the same. We were kinda like each other’s moms in a sense.” Beca chuckled softly. “Then about a year and a half ago...she...my friend was in an accident. She was hit on the highway by a drunk driver and she wasn’t found till a few hours after. When she was, they did their best but...um...she didn’t make it.” Beca paused, to both protect herself from crying again and also to stall for a second to think about what could possibly replace the concept of swapping places with the dying girl you love and returning to earth a guardian angel. 

“I was um...My mental health plummeted and I was in a really bad place for a very long time...I developed a bad drug and alcohol problem. I did some horrid, inexcusable things to a lot of people I cared very deeply for, which left me basically without my friends and family...But starting two months ago, I decided to get better for her. I’ve been sober for um...a few months. I was in rehab in Massachusetts up until a few days ago and I came back to New York for the first time in over a year today...honestly, I don’t know why. Closure? A message from her?! Maybe I needed to see you- her. Sorry, I’m just really disoriented. This is the first time I’ve been in the neighborhood where we used to live since...” Her tears were back, this time as equally fake as they were real. “I reached out to a few friends but no one will talk to me. I’m just filled with so much remorse. Like, immeasurable guilt. You have no idea. Fuck, I don’t even have a place to stay, I’ve only been here a few hours.” She hunched her back and hid her face in her hands taking deep shaky breaths. She did pride herself on her woven web, however, especially the bit about her friends.

Chloe had been quiet and patient with Beca through her whole story and finally when Beca had made it clear she had finished Chloe placed her hand on her shoulder again. She then spoke such soft and warm words that made Beca’s stomach tighten even further with emotion and nerves.

“Wow. I am so sorry. You’ve gone through so much, I really appreciate you sharing your story with me. You are such a strong human being and...I really admire how far you’ve come after everything you went through. Can I...Do you want a hug? I don’t want to invade your personal space.” Chloe’s voice grew somehow even kinder as she said those last few words and Beca nodded, not wanting to seem too eager. 

Chloe enveloped Beca in her arms and tightly held her to her chest as Beca’s sobs became involuntary and incessant. She had not felt so many emotions at once since...well, since as long as she could remember. Her knees were week and she almost clung to Chloe to stay upright. Chloe rubbed slow circles on her back and murmured comforting words to her.

“Shh. It’s okay, everything’s gonna be fine. You’re okay.”

Her familiar soft and sweet scent was painful with lost memories and Beca fit just so in Chloe’s arms as if Chloe had retained the experience of hugging her even through Chloe’s memory-obliteration. 

Finally after three or four minutes, Beca’s sobs became sniffs and she staggered gingerly away from her, afraid of making Chloe uncomfortable.

-

Chloe had such a curiously strong impulse to take this stranger in and help her restart her life and make amends with her friends. She knew how potentially dangerous it would be to let someone she had only spoken to for about fifteen minutes into her home but the girl’s story was pretty believable and she had a lot of spare time. The nearest police station was less than a four minute walk away from her home and she was confident that she was safe and unafraid to call if anything happened. She was surprised at herself for how much pity she harbored for this girl, but for some reason her tale struck an empathetic chord that Chloe had not heard before and was unaware had even existed. As their embrace broke, her impulsive thoughts got the better of her and she acted quickly as to not change her mind or overthink.

“Okay, you know what, hear me through. How would you feel if you came back to my house and you can sleep on my couch for the night? I have to stay up anyways. I can drive you in to the city on my way to work tomorrow and you can look at places to stay or job ops, if thats what you need. I have a friend at a café that could use an extra hand! Do you have anyone in New York you can talk to or trust?”

Even though it was still dark out, Chloe could tell the girl was stunned by her sudden advance. 

“I...uh...thank you, that’s really generous of you. I...guess? Wow, I feel like such a creep right now, I promise I’m telling the truth. If that’s really okay with you, I would so appreciate the help. Also, no I don’t think so. I mean, there might be someone, but I’m gonna need a couple days to figure out how to even get in touch with her.” She combed her hands through her knotted hair in a fluster. 

“Yeah dude of course! Here, come with me. Do you have any bags or anything?”

“Um, no. Most of my stuff is in a storage unit in town. I didn’t really bring anything with me when I left. Thank you so much, I don't think I’ll ever be able to repay you.” Chloe found that odd and questions of how the girl had even come from New York without possessions filled her mind but she pushed them aside.

Half an hour later of Chloe walking the weak girl back to her house in a comfortable silence (Chloe wanted to overwhelm her as little as possible with questions or conversation in her fragile state), they came through the door and she went to the tap to get the girl some water. When she checked the little yellow clock above her sink she was surprised to see that she’d been out for almost two hours and it was nearly 1:00 in the morning. The lights were dim coming from her living room but just bright enough for her to finally see what the girl looked like as she handed her the glass. She was small and frail with long, mousy brown hair and deep set blue eyes that were again cascading tears down pale blanched cheeks. Her minimal tank top and sweatpants were a little grassy but otherwise free of stain or dirt, Chloe supposed she had sat or perhaps lain in the field earlier. When she looked down, Chloe realized the girl’s feet were bare and bruised but said nothing.

“Drink all of that. The bathroom and shower is just through that door behind you. I’m going to run upstairs get you some spare clothes, and sheets for the couch, will you be alright down here?” The girl gave a small nod as she chugged down the water with huge gulps.

-

Beca shut the bathroom door behind her and immediately slid to the floor, breathing rapidly with her hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs.

The house was exactly as she had left it. All her belongings were gone, but most everything else was the same. Same couch, same photographs covering the stairwell, the same colored walls. Even the odd yellow clock Aubrey had bought them as a housewarming gift was still in the kitchen. She managed to push herself upright and turned on the faucet to the temperature she had grown so familiar using. She leant over the sink and forced herself to breathe evenly as steam rose to the ceiling and filled her lungs. 

She was here though and everything was going to smoothly. Everything that she had planned (or rather hoped without depth or consideration) was happening! She was home with Chloe and Chloe was taking care of her! She felt the corners of her mouth twitch as her thoughts grew more hopeful.

An instantly recognizable sensation reached her fingertips and she was no-longer concentrating on her good fortune. Her palms grew hot and it quickly spread to her wrists. Shit. 

Her hands were glowing bright white and her veins were accentuated by visible electric currents racing down her arms under her skin. This isn’t supposed to happen, you’re not supposed to glow on earth, it’s literally impossible. Her heart beat faster. This was a regular behavior in the Higher City. It was completely random with no rhyme or reason and it was also another phenomenon that the head-angels refused to digress. But they had strictly told everyone that it wasn’t supposed to happen after they had left to earth. It’s gotta be a glitch or a kink in the system when I changed my fucking assignment. You bitch! Beca Mitchel, you have fucked up so royally. The light had spread down almost the entire length of her arms and she felt her knees grow hot as it climbed up her legs as well. She threw off her clothes and rushed to the shower, desperate that the water could somehow stifle the course of electricity running through her bloodstream. It did nothing but scald her skin and she yelped in shock.

five or six seconds later a knock came to the door which startled Beca to jump.

“Everything okay in there?” 

“Yeah, um, I turned it too hot haha,” She laughed nervously.

“Okay, I’ll leave these clothes by the door. There’s fresh towels under the sink.”

“Great, thank you!” She groaned quietly in frustration, but when she looked back down to her hands, they were back to her own pale skin. She sighed heavily in relief. Usually it lasted longer; around five to ten minutes, but she guessed because it was only a glitch it would affect her to a much lesser extent.

Twenty minutes later she sat on her made-up bed in Chloe’s pajamas waiting for Chloe to bring her tea she hadn’t asked for. She had been considering maybe telling Chloe the truth after all. The level of gullibility involved with people she cared about was something that the two of them had been working to correct before everything was shoved at them left and right. Beca had begun to worry that one day in the future she would not be immediately accessible to force Chloe to see every angle of the situation and to hold herself over others when the circumstances required. A significantly large piece of Beca’s mind suggested that Chloe would swallow the whole story with complete belief and acceptance. However Beca had not seen her in so long and she had romanticized their friendship so laboriously during their time apart. There was a chance that the more stripped down version of Chloe that Beca remembered was not as surface-level innocent and credulous as was reality. There was too much of a risk that Beca’s tale would turn her out onto the streets and she would definitely never see Chloe again after that. She was woken from her musings by a warm mug of lavender-smelling steam being gently placed between her palms.

“Here you are! It’s hot, careful. So, I’m leaving around 8:00 tomorrow and I’ll drop you off wherever you need to be?”

“Um, yeah that would be great. Thank you so much for all of this. You have no idea how much it means to me.” No really, she had No. Idea. 

“Yeah, no worries! I totally got your back! Um, I’ll just be right here in the kitchen finishing up some work. If you need anything just holler.” Chloe patted Bec’s leg affectionately and stood, still facing Beca. Her eyes suddenly somehow grew wider than her already enormous size and she exclaimed. “Wait, oh my God! I’m such an awful person! I don’t even know your name! And you don’t know mine! What the hell is your name, dude?” Beca laughed and looked down sheepishly.

“It’s Beca. Mitchel.”

“Well, nice to meet you Beca, my name is Chloe. I think we’re gonna be really fast friends.”

A/N: Hey friends just wanna say thank u sm for all these positive responses I’m really enjoying this process n it’s my first proper fic since my 2014 doctor who days. if you can’t tell I've been trying really hard to write different pov’s in styles closer to how I think the characters think idk we’ll see how it goes ::,,))) ps. if someone wants to make me a fic cover I will love you forever and ever I would do it myself but I can’t edit for S H I T :// woohoo what a ride this is gonna be I really hope y’all keep reading !!